Commies need to seize the time, Webb explained, and use this newfangled thing called the Internet to expand their party, which currently numbers a few thousand. And he spoke to getting past the stigma the word "communist" has for so many Americans, though The Bird would suggest a radical name change might be necessary. You know, like the "Peace, Freedom and Poverty Brigade," or "Democrats on Steroids." New slogans could include, "Reds Are Better in Bed," "Khrushchev Was My Homeboy," and "Castro: It Ain't Just a District in San Fran."
After Webb's speech, this taloned terror pulled him aside and asked if he thought Obamarama wore red Speedos. As you might imagine, Webb disagrees with Glenn Beck on this one.
Lefty talk-radio yenta Randi Rhodes jumps Nova M's waterlogged dinghy in the nick of time.
Related Content
More About
"Obama's not a Marxist. He's not a socialist," Webb, a genial gray-haired gent, said. "The right wing, they try to paint him with that brush. But I don't think a lot of people pay attention to it. I think the election demonstrated that."
But what about the fact that he and other Commies sure seem to be sweet on Obama. In fact, CPUSA's paper, People's Weekly World, has been running Obama on its front page almost as often as Time puts him on its cover.
"Like most Americans, we want the new administration to do well," Webb said. "And address the growing difficulties and problems. We don't want him to fail. We'd like for him to succeed."
So you heard it here first, folks: Commies heart Obama and give him their full support — but he ain't no Marxist. So don't worry about American kids being forced to read Chairman Mao's Little Red Book anytime soon — no matter what moon-howlers like Beck blather.
GOT WOODS?
Carson Daly or Jay Leno won't be breaking a sweat over this, but a little promo was e-mailed to The Bird announcing the launch of ex-Arizona Attorney General Grant Woods' "new interactive Website and online talk show," grantwoods.com.
What's next, Terry Goddard pimping himself as a centerfold for Cosmo? Jan Brewer in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition? Rick Romley doing play-by-play for the Phoenix Suns? (Well, that last one might be cool.)
On the other hand, the guy does have advertising from Budweiser, and boasts David Spade and alleged drunken blowjob-seeker Sir Charles Barkley as a couple of his first guests, thereby running through a lot of the Valley's celebrity quotient. But, wait, you can also get Grant's Oscar picks, find out what sort of underwear he's got on (if any), and discover what his fave viral videos are. Hey, where's the Twitter, so we can get updated on how Grant's morning ritual went?
Just kidding about the underwear (sorry, AARP ladies). For all of you under 30 who're saying, "Grant who?" right about now: No, he's not that guy who you learned about in college art history class who painted American Gothic, but close. Ask your 'rents about him if they're from Arizona.
One final quibble for the publicist who wrote his press release, which states that with this vanity site, Woods "returns to the airwaves with a brand-new version of his talk show." Sorry, but Web casts don't count as being on "the air." For that, you need a radio gig, which Grant apparently had back in caveman times.
Don't get The Bird wrong, Grant's cool — for a Republican. But acting one's age is even cooler. Capisce?
