Arpaio’s Avondale Sweep a Bust, Pima County Sheriff Wants to Check School Kids’ Immigration Papers, and Chris Simcox Takes on McCain

DUPNIK'S SHARK

Where the right wing meets the sick and surreal. Is this what Arizona's become? Every day in this state, one's faith in humanity is challenged on the subject of immigration. I half-expect to awake some morn and find State Senator Russell Pearce's recipe for parboiled immigrant infant in my in-box. Or a coupon for Sheriff Joe Arpaio's migrant meat tenderizer, with Joe's face feasting on a brown leg o' Mexican, saying, "Mmm, boy. That's good eatin'."

In Sand Land, when it comes to immigration, no proposal is too out there to offend a voting majority of locals. March Mexicans through the streets by the hundreds. Deny them bail. Separate moms from their kiddies. Break arms. Jaws. Anything goes.

So it is with this report from the local Fourth Estate's Howie Fischer on Pima County Sheriff Clarence Dupnik's genius idea to start asking schoolchildren about their immigration status.

Never mind that the U.S. Supreme Court long ago ruled it unconstitutional to do so. Or the insanity of trying to deport children based on their naive grasp of what country they might belong to. Or even the gross inhumanity of the concept. Hey, we've got moolah to save! So the doddering Dupnik suggests that what this state needs is a good test case to set before the U.S. Supreme Court. You know, kinda like the Dred Scott case did for slavery.

In reading Fischer's calculus of the dollars and lack of sense, I'm reminded of a conversation I had with a young man about to graduate from Phoenix's North High School. He's currently in Junior ROTC and plans to enter the Army once he's earned his diploma. His parents were both illegal and have returned to Mexico. He obtained a green card only late last year after much legal wrangling and having to prove to a court that he'd been abused by his dad.

In other words, this young man just barely made it through the immigration door, and in doing so, he will serve this country far more than I, or many of you reading this, ever have.

One day over lunch, he explained that he discovered he was illegal when he was in his early teens and was picked to participate in a program that would allow him to work as an intern and make a little money. The only hang-up was that he needed a Social Security number. So he asked his parents about getting one. His father laughed. That's when they explained that he was illegal and could not obtain what he needed for the job.

I wonder what would have happened if Sheriff Dupnik's proposed in-house school immigration enforcers interrogated this young gent before he learned he was not a citizen. Fortunately, as it stands, Mexico's loss is our gain.

For those of you who'll kvetch about your taxes going to educate illegals, all I've got to say is that I pay for your rugrats to go to school, and no one asks me whether I want to or not. If someone did ask me, I'd rather my tax money go to educate some Mexican kid whose parents risked life and limb to get here, instead of the progeny of the lumpen cracker hate-mongers who will no doubt love Clarence Dupnik's modest proposal.

What does Dupnik do for an encore? Check immigration papers in the playground sandbox? Mark the swing sets "for citizens only"? I've ceased being shocked by this state anymore. Dupnik's suggestion jumps the ever-lovin' shark.

WHITE TRASH HERO

I must say gracias to Minuteman Civil Defense Corps founder Chris Simcox from the bottom of my little black heart for his decision to run against Arizona Senator John McCain in the 2010 Republican primary. In doing so, Simcox is giving me a year-plus of material to write about. This must be what reporters in Louisiana felt like when ex-Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard David Duke ran against Edwin Edwards for governor of the Pelican State.

I'm not suggesting a close parallel between Duke and Simcox, but there are similarities. Sure, Simcox's nativist beliefs, while despicable, are not on par with those of Duke, an avowed racist. Yet, each represents a cleaned-up, better-coifed, TV-ready example of the lunatic fringe they represent.

Simcox cannot beat McCain in a Republican primary in Arizona, despite the dissatisfaction Maricopa County's GOP wing-nut division has with our senior senator. McCain continues to support an immigration-reform package that includes securing our border with Mexico as a prerequisite. Simcox represents the nyet side of the Arizona Republican Party, the modern-day know-nothings, those who want to round up the 500,000-plus undocumented in the state and fling them across the border, perhaps with some jail time under their belts.

For years now, Simcox has been positioning himself for just such a run, moving to the center of a movement that normally rewards the most extreme point of view. For example, he's expressed sympathy with those wishing to sneak into the country to better their lot in life, while dismissing any possibility of amnesty. He's also stated that those born in the United States have a right to citizenship, per the 14th Amendment to the Constitution — a right assailed by many in the nativist camp, including Michelle Dallacroche, who labels children born to undocumented parents "anchor babies."