Petting Zoo

You're single and want some action. However, when you bone down with a virtual stranger, it leaves you unsatisfied, paranoid about a crotch disease, and full of self-loathing about your hideous sluttiness. We say you're better off with a middle-school-style ravenous makeout. And we know the perfect place to snag it.

It's called Cheap Thrills, and it's pretty much the hippest weekly dance party in town. Hosted by Jared Alan – our town's most beloved glutton for partying – the night always delivers killer music for rubbing clothed groins together, either on the dance floor or in one of the many hidden booths throughout the restaurant-turned-nightclub called Black Forest Mill German Restaurant & Bar.

Here’s an added bonus: The Saturday, June 27, edition is also Alan’s birthday, so expect the place to be especially hopping.