For All He-Mankind

Some years back, we were figuratively pistol-whipped by a hyper-radical/feminist/queer/artist chick. She’d just lectured at a local college. When we were introduced, she saw only stereotype -- white, male, not gay – and determined on the spot that our troglodytic dick was the clearer thinking of our two heads. Her name escapes us, which is too bad, ’cause we recently discovered a neat little stuffer we’d like to stick in her, er, stocking for Christmas: Maddox’s The Alphabet of Manliness (revised).

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• Salt Lake City
• George Ouzounian
• The New York Times Best Seller List
• Chuck Norris

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The handiwork of the notorious Salt Lake City-based Internet personality George Ouzounian (who uses the pen name Maddox), the original 2006 incarnation of the book made him a household name of sorts when it hit No. 2 on the New York Times Best Seller List. Brimming with hi-larious new-millennial he-man art, the book is divided into 26 easily digestible chapters detailing the male experience from A to Z.

A is for “Ass-Kicking.” B is for “Boner.” C is for “Copping a Feel.” Other amusing chapters include F (“Female Wrestling”), N (“Chuck Norris”), and R (“Road Rage”).

The revised edition includes addenda titled “The Numbers of Manliness” and one we’d dearly love our art-chick pal to read while lashed to a boulder and with toothpicks propping up her eyelids: “The Alphabet of Womanliness (as told by a man).”

You can file that under T for “Troglodyte’s Revenge.”