AP Tour "Fall Ball '09"

Boy, did we drop the ball on emo. For the longest time, we coolly dismissed it as drama-drenched poseur-rock; all histrionics, no substance. Then lawmakers in Russia went and introduced legislation to ban emo fashions and regulate emo Web sites throughout the mother country. Male eyeliner as the tip of liberty's spear? Believe it! Our new take on emo: a beacon of American freedom so radiant that pseudo-fascist foreign regimes evidently lose the power of rational thought. Imagine how the Russkies would tremble before "Fall Ball '09," a five-band road show sponsored by the fine folks at Alternative Press. Featuring the likes of Mayday Parade, The Academy Is . . ., and Set Your Goals, the lineup isn't just emo — it's blindingly emo. Certainly more so than last spring's AP Tour, which featured Valley-based emo rockers The Maine but was, in fact, dominated by crunk-rock-rap acts Family Force 5 and 3OH!3. Hey, we got nothing against crunk-rock-rap, but until it gets banned by the Russians, how seriously are we supposed to take it?