Really Bright Lights

For the first annual Scottsdale Fantasy Of Lights, a drive-through holiday-lights on steroids, we’re going to enjoy the heck out of the winter magic . . . with binoculars from a heated automobile. Our boyfriend the frugal pirate and his scalawag children will sing-along with religious carols and ‘80s disco tunes while we wend our way through the square mile of old-school holiday animations featuring Santa Claus’ flying reindeer team, smiling elves tossing candy canes, and towering teddy bears.

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This ain’t no joke.

The tour also showcases a surprise leg with leaping dinosaurs, possibly proving to evolutionists that St. Nick and T.rex once lived peacefully together.