So much of the time I spend really loathing myself and my guitar playing, [and I] was just, trying to get back on the horse. I wanted to avoid the dynamics of that I disliked about my own performance, says Bazan. I just had the really strong impulse to play bass; I was just obsessed with it.
As he says this, it occurs to me that Bazan doesnt make decisions lightly when it comes to his art. Each action is deliberate. And thats surprising considering that his mellow drawl makes him sound like the epitome of a Pacific Northwest indie dude.
Not that Bazans records havent displayed his attention to craft; Pedro the Lions discography found him spinning morality tales over muffled urban folk and gritty indie-rock, pissing off secular hipsters by singing about God and pissing off Christian hipsters with themes of sexual perversion, murder and scathing indictments of the Right-Wing political structure. For many listeners, including myself, the records challenged aspects of the faith we were raised with, while simultaneously offering something genuine compared to the propaganda other Christian artists paraded as art.
Bazan, a Phoenix native who moved to Seattle at the start of high school, disbanded Pedro the Lion in late 2005, and Branches, in contrast to Pedros character studies, finds Bazan pointing his aim inward, detailing his struggles with alcohol, his family, and most candidly, his rejection of Christianity and embrace of cautious agnosticism. I asked Bazan if he considered the potential reception, whether or not he was concerned that longtime fans might view the record as a betrayal. Ive pretty consistently, over the years, somehow been able to remain pretty naïve about what people are going to say and think about the record, Bazan says. Ive actively avoided thinking about that so theres a sense that even when my brain does go there, it goes there in a very un-thorough manner.
Bazan says that as the album came together, he began to view his statements as far less heretical. Its funny, because [with] certain lyrics, Im ostensibly speaking to God, but in actual terms, I feel like I was speaking to a characterization [of God] and by saying those things to that characterization of God it was my way of saying, this characterization is not valid, or I dont believe this is true. Ultimately it didnt feel like rebellion or the kind of thing my younger self would have been afraid of being struck by lightning for.
Live, Bazan says hes working on maintaining his dedication to his songs, bringing up his time in the Undertow Orchestra, a collaborative tour featuring Bazan, the late Vic Chesnutt, Will Johnson of Centro-matic and Mark Eitzel of American Music Club. One of the things that that was most remarkable was the transformation Eitzel made every night, [into someone] who savored every word, and [despite] whatever he felt about it when he wrote it He just sank himself completely into those tunes. Bazan pauses.
Ive been working on cultivating that, because what are you doing if youre not doing that? What are you up to if you dont believe in your tunes? Some nights its harder to do that because the self-loathing is stronger than any other thing, but most nights recently its been like Okay man, your job is to be a fool for these songs.
Wed., March 10, 8 p.m., 2010