According to famous female illusionist and impresario, RuPaul, "You havent lived until youve had your dick tied to the back of your ass for twelve hours."
So, that's where the pipe hides.
We don't know from penis pain, but we do understand that there will probably be gobs of mascara and glitter streaking down trembling, heavily pancaked cheeks while the 2010 Miss Gay Arizona America Pageant winner is crowned. Now in its 25th year (that's the silver anniversary, bitches; R.E.S.P.E.C.T) and with enough sequin and rhinestone gowns to choke a horse named Bob Mackie, the underlying message is one of unity and acceptance, but backstage has got to be a different story. (i.e. "Oh, no you didn't just touch my wig!")