Nash's exit is far more than the loss of a great basketball player. NBA stars routinely trade uniforms in search of the fattest paycheck and the chance to win a championship ring. This incites owners to go shopping and buy themselves another colossus or two, and life goes on. In recent months, Miami grabbed LeBron from the Cleveland Cadavers and Chris Bosh from the Toronto Raptors; Carlos Boozer left Utah for Chicago for five years and $80 million — and Amar'e saw Boozer's $80 mil and raised him another $19.7 for five years with the Knicks.

The difference is, these guys are just very tall, talented athletes settling in to their new towns and safe-deposit boxes. After their sports careers end, they probably will spend the rest of their lives signing overpriced replica jerseys for fat guys.

Nash won't be going that route. In 2006, Time magazine named him one of the 100 most influential people in the world. That's Oprah territory, folks. That's hiya, Bill Gates; yo, what's shakin', Warren Buffett? Little Stevie is playing with the big kids now. So why wouldn't he want to be prime minister of Canada, eh?

Harry E. Walker/MCT/Newscom
A fan pays tribute to Nash'ss toughness
and many injuries in pursuit of greatness.
044/Zuma Press/Newscom
A fan pays tribute to Nash'ss toughness and many injuries in pursuit of greatness.

Details

Nash’s NBA Career

• Two-time NBA Most Valuable Player (2005, ‘06)
• Seven-time NBA All-Star (2002, ‘03, ‘05, ‘06, ‘07, ‘08, ‘10)
• Seven-time All-NBA selection (2002, ‘03, ‘05, ‘06, ‘07, ‘08, ‘10)
• Two-time NBA All-Star Weekend Skills Challenge winner (2005, ‘10)
• Four-time NBA regular season leader for assists per game: 2005 (11.5), 2006 (10.5), 2007 (11.6), 2010 (11.0)
• Four-time NBA regular-season leader for total assists: 2005 (861), 2006 (826), 2007 (884), 2010 (892)
• Two-time NBA regular season leader for freethrow percentage: 2006 (.921), 2010 (.938)
• Six-time NBA regular-season leader for assists per game: 2004 (12.6), 2005 (16.1), 2006 (14.2), 2007 (15.8), 2008 (15.5), 2010 (16.1)
• Five-time member of 50-40-90 Club (2006, ‘07, ‘08, ‘09, ‘10). Has more 50-40-90 seasons than any other player in league history. One of five players to have ever shot 50-40-90. One of only two players to have shot 50-40-90 more than once. Only player to have shot 50-40-90 five seasons in a row.
• 2005 Lou Marsh Trophy (Canadian athlete of the year)
• Three-time Lionel Conacher Award, honoring the Canadian male athlete of the year (2002, ‘05, ‘06)
• 2007 J. Walter Kennedy Award (NBA honor for outstanding citizenship and community service)

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Maybe he's setting his sights too low. Maybe he should be supreme ruler of the universe. Let's review his qualifications for that gig . . .

For starters, he's everything that's good about sports. He plays his heart out every minute, loves and mentors his teammates, speaks intelligently in complete sentences, truly appreciates fans, and is a passionate global ambassador for the game he loves.

Additionally, he's a scrawny regular-size guy. The NBA lists him at 6-foot-3, but the league also claims Commissioner David Stern is 5-9. Please! In the off-season, Stern works as a garden gnome. However short in height, Nash challenges Goliaths every night and usually slays them. He's the rare great white player in a black dominated-game and never has been anything but a color-blind, unifying figure.

In a sport notorious for bad boys, his name and scandal are never linked. Sure, years ago, he dated two Brits — singing condiment Ginger Spice and actress Elizabeth Hurley — but that was strictly because of his heritage. Canadians always worship English royalty.

No piece of the Nash perfection puzzle is missing. He's been married since 2005 and is the father of beautiful twin daughters. He likes other people's kids, too. His Steve Nash Foundation benefits underprivileged children in British Columbia and in Phoenix. The Steve Nash Youth Basketball League in British Columbia now boasts more than 10,000 participants.

He's affiliated himself with GuluWalk, a Canadian-operated charitable organization that raises awareness and money for northern Uganda's war-impacted children.

There's more — there always is with Nash. He joined the Houston Rockets' Yao Ming and other NBA players in journeying to China to play an exhibition game against that country's national basketball team, and they raised 2.5 million for needy Chinese children. He also provided the time and money to create a new pediatric cardiology facility at a hospital in his wife's native Paraguay.


Don't you get the feeling that, if you had a cold, Steve Nash would come over and make you chicken soup from scratch? Really, other than a couple of awful haircut choices over the years, is there anything wrong with the guy?

Well, he may be clinically insane. What kind of creature walks away from one of the world's most glamorous jobs and leaves a two-year contract worth $10,338,000 annually on the table? Answer: the exceedingly rare Canadian mutant gym rat. Truly, NBA experts have serious doubts that Steve Nash is even human. Consider the evidence:

Nash didn't even start playing basketball until he was 12 or 13 years old. He then led his high school basketball team to the British Columbia AAA provincial championship title and was honored as British Columbia's player of the year.

Undersized and under-appreciated, he wasn't offered a scholarship by any of the 30 universities his high school coach sent letters and highlight reels to. Finally, the coach at California's Santa Clara University took a chance on him after working out Nash personally. Earning a sociology degree, he was twice named the West Coast Conference Player of the Year and was the Jesuit school's all-time assists and free-throw percentage leader.

In the 1996 NBA draft, he was the 15th pick in the first round by the Suns. His game was still in its infancy, and he was buried on the depth chart behind three of the game's all-time greats: Kevin Johnson, Sam Cassell, and Jason Kidd. In 1998, he was traded to the Dallas Mavericks. In his third season there, he made his first All-Star Game appearance and was named to the All-NBA team. In 2000, he led Team Canada in the Sydney Olympic Games.

That's already far more than most people ever accomplish in their entire lives. Nash was just warming up.

Nash and his best friend, Dirk Nowitzki, proceeded to set the league on fire, taking the Mavs to the Western Conference finals in the 2002-03 season. He became a free agent after 2003-04 and signed with the Suns. Mavs owner Mark Cuban wouldn't match Phoenix's offer, allegedly because he wanted to build his team around the younger Nowitzki rather than signing the aging Nash to a long-term deal.

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136 comments
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Meen Lin

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Jack Swift
Jack Swift

Graham, I'm sure New Times can get along without you. There are only so many print copies available -- please save them for smart people. And try to get it through your silly head that sports isn't very important, really. Jiving on the Suns and Steve Nash is just good clean fun. I would try to explain satire to you, but you're too dumb to understand the concept. Go away.

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Graham Murphy
Graham Murphy

A funny story? I read it and didn't laugh once. A cover story with supposed confirmation from Nash wasn't satire, ironic, or sarcastic in tone. Unfortunately, the paper has put a crimp in their credibility, which is a shame because when I want to read comprehensive coverage regarding controversial news items, I can no longer look at New Times to get some info. If they want to be the paper version of The Daily Show, then they need to commit to that and work within that premise. I will no longer read New Times because when I want to laugh at what I read, I will read The Arizona Republic.

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AGARTAW
AGARTAW

REPLY to Billymadi ''This is some pretty funny stuff. But disguising it as real news is not the way to go. Does anyone think the Dialy Show is real...ever?''

A LOT OF PEOPLE THINKS FOX NEWS IS REAL...

Billymadi
Billymadi

This is some pretty funny stuff. But disguising it as real news is not the way to go. Does anyone think the Dialy Show is real...ever?

Besides, a fake story about politics is always a lot funnier.

http://www.moderntimesmagazine...

Ricky
Ricky

I thought Steverio's "Native" land was South Africa. ergo, African-Canadian.

Jmatacola
Jmatacola

who cums up wid shit like this?

Email
Email

my favorite story was the guns for the homeless but this one was pretty darn close.

Twistng Fish
Twistng Fish

if this story shocks anyone, you have never been fooled by one of the new times annual "haha" stories. congratulaions you made it this long. my favorite was the one about the giant tortoises that were stopping construction of the cardinals stadium ("super bowl V" Jan 16, 2003) and of course the most awesome chef ever ("xtreme cuisine" May 11 2006). the point is you have an undesireable sense of humor. funny thing is i laugh more at the reactions than at the stories, always.

Msptprx22
Msptprx22

Mr. Writer, congratulations. You are now officially a douche bag.

ProfessorChaos
ProfessorChaos

Funny how absolutely NO other media outlets have reported on this. Did somebody actually hack into this site and post a ridiculously fake story or does somebody actually need to be fired that works for this paper?

psshh!!!!!!!!!
psshh!!!!!!!!!

I can't beleive you went to collage just to end up writing lies what a waste of time and space. i mean seriously what talent do you think it takes to sit and fabricate such a story non 0 talent.. i read half way through it before i thought this is crap just like the man who would honestly write this and the editor of these magazine for allowing it to go to press.... booooo on the new times. lesson learned i will continue to use this magazine for what it is worth.. to keep in the bottom of my bird cage to catch the droppings..

GRAHAM
GRAHAM

ONE QUESTION: WHY?

T.
T.

Before I knew it was a hoax, I just shrugged. After I knew it was a hoax, I thought it was funny.

That said, this is yet one more example of why the New Times is just another trash rag. Does anyone really expect anything else from a paper whose parent company produces that other well known trash rag called the Village Voice.

I do read the New Times from time to time, but only in the same way one might drink booze to get drunk. It ain't medicinal, it's entertainment. Anyone who takes ANY CONTENT the New Time produces seriously should really have their head examined.

Backpage and finding out what band is playing where is about the only thing the New Times is truly good for. And even that could be BS sometimes. Pfff.

Rom8_3139
Rom8_3139

This is a lie!!! Why do you still post it! Steve Nash is not going anywhere!

Guana9999
Guana9999

Mike Lacey is building a new house on the mountain and needs to sell ads. this is what this is all about. How can Jed keep putting up with all this bullshit??

Steve
Steve

Why is this continuing. This is a false story created by a 'non" newspaper.

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koolkinkajou
koolkinkajou

I understand the first law he will propose is to have Canada to secede from the United States. This might start a new civil war!

Screwyou
Screwyou

John - you're an idiot. A real tried and true idiot

John
John

You people are seriously falling for this eh?It's a hoax... perpetrated by the NT. If you're too stupid to figure it out, well I feel bad for ya, you probably don't take anything with a grain of salt.

Disappointed in the New Times
Disappointed in the New Times

So now the Phoenix New Times is reporting on rumors without confirming the stories. From where did the PNT did this story up? Was it from the blogs that also said the Mexican Cartels held two Texas ranches and their occupants as hostages a few months back? According to the Montreal Gazette, the race for mayor of Victoria isn't until 2012. I had respected the PNT for their take on the news . . . up until now. Now I will consider everything they print suspect anymore.

Colangelo
Colangelo

May I *PLEASE* bounce a basketball off of his head before he leaves town? Man, I hate those TV ads!

I swear, if any NBA star was in my house "giving the rock" to my wife and giving her googlie eyes while I was folding the laundry I'd get my Glock, cap his ass and tell the cop that it was breaking and entering. Oops, ol lady got in the line of fire... again.

Jelennuie
Jelennuie

GOOD NEWS! Maybe now he can go home and play in Canadian politics and keep his nose out of Arizona and its affairs. Then again, who will make those just too cute solar commercials now?

BS
BS

I like a good joke as much as anyone... But I won't believe nor take seriously anything this reporter much less this news media puts forward at anytime in the future... This lends no credibility to this news media!!! They are Mickey Mouse to begin with... Now they have a few more Disney characters to be matched to.

Hedon't
Hedon't

Calm down. Steve Nash ain't Jesus, you know? And even if he were.... Funny stuff

Tagament
Tagament

New Times rocks! Not crazy about Barry Friedman's writing style, but I loved the cover (a takeoff on the great LeBron cover when he left Cleveland, and the Gorilla crying the maple leaf tear was good). But, Barry, look for younger metaphors. You reveal yourself as an old guy.

Arturo 23
Arturo 23

With the way Nash has been playing, I wish WERE true. Hey, it was a funny idea to do this, since -- if ever he were to retire for politics -- this would be the perfect time. The team is going nowhere this year. Glad he laughed this hoax off, tho. Made me like him and the Suns a lot more. He's getting old, but he's a class act. And so is the team. Loved their Los Suns campaign. Way to stand up to the rednecks, Mr. Sarver!! The Suns and New Times have a lot in common. They're both fighting for what's right inthis desert..

J.T. Jahn
J.T. Jahn

What a bunch of stupid fucks have posted on this site! They actually think New Times, which has been doing spoofs for almost 40 years, will go under because it did a spoof. Oooooo, your sports hero was the focus of this one, so it's really, really made you mad, right. What a bunch of humorless retards infest this town! No wonder Sheriff Joe and Governor Dimbulb keep getting elected. Loosen your spinchters, 'tards and learn to take a fucking joke.

Richard Garrity
Richard Garrity

I disagree that New Times hasn't had a good hoax story since humidermy. I liked the Anna Nichole Smith one, where it was claimed that she had a Native -American love child. Also the Michael Jackson one. This one was pretty good. Believable, since Steve Nash is such a goody-two-shoes. But it's not my favorite. Yet I've got to say: why the outrage, folks? It's just satire. Funny, how sensitive people get when one of their sports heroes is focused upon. Guys, sports isn't that all-fired important. Get over it, it's a joke. Even Steve Nash and the Suns found it "humorous." They got it because they're cool. You fools who have gotten your panties in a bunch definitely are not.

Robfur
Robfur

Good retirement story. Like an obit, it can be saved for use later.

Ansoncap
Ansoncap

Another poorly-done hoax story. You haven't had a good one since the "humidermy" or "Arm The Homeless" articles. Yawn.

2/10

Screwyou
Screwyou

This is the type of trash this "news"paper has to print to sell their product. Although I did see their Chapter 7 papers were filled at the County not long ago. But I guess Barry Fried-man will easily land a job at the National Enquirer

Scd
Scd

If this story were for real, all the other news sites would have it. It's nowhere else to be found. What a joke NT is.

gameday24
gameday24

Wow .....and we thought Walt Disney was dead ... looks like he's been reincarnated...did you really think you had Spurs and Laker fans throwing High-Fives? As entertaining as this fairy tale is, by now fans have learned to wait until "the Fat Lady sings" (case in point: Wednesday's game) ... what is amazing is to think that you guys feel that your publication is so exclusively privileged that you could independently break a story of this magnitude (that's the REAL fairy tale!) .... nonetheless, the tale was humorously well written ....

Lame
Lame

Clearly this is a hoax. My issue is not so much the fact that New Times does spoof stories, it's that this one is so friggin' lame! Such a stupid prank story. They've done really fun ones in the past, this is just dumb.

Snobird
Snobird

They had me for a minute there! These writers didn't do much research to vaguely capitalize, if that is where they got this spoofy idea from, on the resignation this week of, not Victoria, BC, but VANCOUVER Mayor Gordon Campbell. If one wants to imagine Steve Nash as mayor of Victoria, then Victoria compares to metropolis Vancouver as Long Island would compare to metropolis NYC. ps I'm sure if Canadians wanted a sports star as PM, they'd take Wayne.Steve Nash did say he would'nt play for Canada again, so we should believe him.

Alligator1
Alligator1

The New Times is a joke. VVM is a joke all the way around and this story is no different. Way to hold true to your colors.

jabroni61
jabroni61

WAY TO GO STEVE WISH YOU ALL THE LUCK IN THE FUTURE GO CELTICS

Gr82beachbumit
Gr82beachbumit

Good for him. After what happened in Az this week I don't blame him one bit and Victoria is a gorgeous city!

Vickie
Vickie

He pays more taxes in Arizona than you do, therefore his voice is more important. Seriously, Arizona could use more people with half a brain in their affairs. Its one of the most poorly educated states in the Union, and it shows.

Anarc78
Anarc78

Do you really expect anything decent from this rag that centers every issue around the writing of a fool like Lemmons?

John
John

Haha.. the NT doesn't sell anything idiot, not to it's reader anyway.It's called ad based revenue, and I'm sure they are making plenty of it. The Chapter 7 statement is far less believable than this hoax story.. good try though.

Nolenimage
Nolenimage

F you New Times. Running such trash just shows your lack of any real news to report or your 'publications' relevance.

 
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