By Lauren Wise
By New Times
By Amanda Savage
By Jason P. Woodbury
By Troy Farah
By New Times
By Derek Askey
6. Don't shove. We weren't raised in a cattle barn, and we all have parents who taught us that pushing is wrong. If you need to get by, it is perfectly acceptable to lightly touch someone's shoulder, arm, or back to let them know you're there, and most decent people will move aside to let you get where you need to be. Don't act like a bull in a china shop, ramming through every human barricade between you and your destination. Furthermore, if you do have to make someone move out of the way, be kind and apologize for it. Your mother would be proud of you for it.
7. If you have a full drink in your hand, hold it steady. This is Phoenix — we wear flip-flops here. Not only might your vodka and cranberry stain our footwear, it makes us stand in a cold, wet, sticky mess for the rest of the show when you spill your drink. Accidents happen, of course, but considering that drink probably set you back at least seven or eight bucks, it's in both of our best interests that you try to keep a tight grip. Speaking of which . . .
8. Don't get blistering drunk. Period. It's fun to let loose and have a few drinks when you're watching a band you like, but when you're trashed, it's a distraction for others. It can also kill your plans to actually get into the show. At one October show, I witnessed a man trying to lock his bike up to a tree in front of the theater. The security guard told him to use the bike racks instead, but the guy had knocked more than a few back and declined, slurring. It was at this point that the security guard refused to let the guy into the show because he was already too intoxicated and that was a liability. No matter how much he incoherently explained, bargained, and pleaded, he was denied entry. The moral? Watch your alcohol intake.
9. Put the phone away. You came to see the show, so how can you expect to get the full experience if you're tweeting about how dreamy the boys from Vampire Weekend are the whole time? Take a picture or two, but don't record the entire thing for posterity. When the music is going on, you don't need to take pictures of you and all your friends having a blast. You need to pay attention, because this band's not coming back for a while. Enjoy what's onstage; I promise that your Facebook friends couldn't care less about knowing the set list as it's being performed.
10. Stop talking. This is my biggest pet peeve. I have no problem with saying something quickly between songs, or the casual comment during a song about the music being played at the time, but I don't want to have my experience at Fleet Foxes or even Matt and Kim ruined (both actual examples) because you decided that the middle of a concert is the perfect time for you to talk about your sister's new boyfriend or your job. This is not Mystery Science Concert 3000; we don't need your ongoing commentary. You may have paid to see the show, but so did everyone around you, and your money didn't buy you asshole privileges. So, for the love of God, shut your mouth. If you want to talk with your friends, stand in the back, go to the lobby (if there is one), or go outside. Better yet, save your money on the concert altogether and buy the album, play it at your house, invite your friends over, and talk to your heart's content. Nothing ruins a perfectly good song like a girl yelling in the middle of it about how far away she had to park her car. Guess what, sweetheart? Nobody gives a fuck where you parked.