Listen, man. We're sick of all the whining about how everything (a.k.a. your life) turned out. We know that you rocked it on your high school football team, and if not for your grades, and your knees, and your damn coach, who just never gave you the chance to shine like the beautiful sunbeam you are, you could've gone pro.
Now's your chance to prove it. On Saturday, November 17, the reigning Arena Bowl champion Arizona Rattlers will host open tryouts for interested armchair quarterbacks. For $80, you can run the 40s, short shuttles, and positional drills that just might earn you a spot on the squad for 2013. Just be sure to bring your own cleats -- and probably some extra Icy Hot.