By New Times Staff
By Stephen Lemons
By Stephen Lemons
By Monica Alonzo
By Ray Stern
By New Times Staff
By Stephen Lemons
By Chris Parker
By just about any measure, Congress is at its lowest point in history. Only 9 percent of the country has a favorable view of the 535 men and women who make up the bicameral body. One poll even revealed that they're less popular than cockroaches, traffic jams, and that ultimate barometer of public repulsion, Nickelback.
Why such unhappiness? Because our legislators rarely resemble human beings. When the main job requirements are boasting, begging for money and possessing the moral elasticity to promise anything to anyone, only narcissists and sociopaths need apply.
But within the cast of America's longest-running reality show, some manufacture a weirdness that soars above the rest. Meet the 10 members of Congress who are setting new records for creepiness and depravity.
10. Ted Cruz (R-Texas): Protecting America's Golf Courses From an International Conspiracy
Cruz has been called the "intellectual voice of the Tea Party," a laurel on par with being the valedictorian of a carjacking ring. He's been known to brag that, as Texas state solicitor, he once nullified the divorce of two gay men. His biggest campaign applause line comes with the boast of how he had a man sentenced to death.
But it's Cruz's Agenda 21 conspiracy theory that sets him apart.
Agenda 21 is the kind of feel-good plan that's made the United Nations a model of ineffectiveness for nearly 70 years. It's a vaguely worded, non-binding, 300-page resolution that reads like a fifth-grader's wish list for a better world. (Combat poverty! Prevent deforestation!)
The measure is so innocuous that known radical George H. W. Bush signed on in 1992, as did the heads of 178 other countries. Since then, it's been largely forgotten. Except by Cruz.
As he sees it, Agenda 21 is actually a conspiracy led by liberal financier George Soros to rob honest Americans of their property rights — two words sure to induce Pavlovian terror in anyone living west of the Mississippi.
Cruz claims Agenda 21 is a "globalist" plan to forcibly relocate rural Americans into urban "hobbit homes," which are too small for necessities like a still or a firing range. He also believes it will lead to the abolishment of paved roads and golf courses, threats scientifically proven to unbolt the wallets of Republican donors.
9. Alan Grayson (D-Florida): The Loudest of the Loudmouths
In a town full of bluster, no one blows harder than Florida Congressman Alan Grayson, a Category 5 hurricane of bombast.
A trial lawyer who specialized in contractor fraud, Grayson burst onto the scene after winning election in 2008 as the loudest critic of the Iraq War. The Democrat was funny, clever, and had a way with words you might expect of someone who made his living convincing juries to give him money.
Yet as righteous as that original cause may have been, he soon earned a reputation as the biggest contributor to the partisan firefight disabling Washington, resulting in his being the only Democrat nominated for this list by members of his own party.
Of former vice president Dick Cheney, Grayson once said: "I have trouble listening to what he says sometimes because of the blood that drips from his teeth while he's talking."
On another occasion, he noted that "scientists have studied this difficult question of why some people have a conscience and some people don't. Some people are called Democrats, and some people are called Republicans."
Grayson also referred to a female adviser to the Federal Reserve as a "K Street whore." His opponents, meanwhile, are best known as "foot-dragging, knuckle-dragging Neanderthals."
Though he may be more artful of tongue than the average politician, he shares his colleagues' gift for situational ethics when the going gets tough.
In 2010, for example, he was on the verge of losing his seat in central Florida to Republican challenger Daniel Webster. That's when the anti-war Grayson trotted out the go-to smear of tin patriots everywhere. He released a campaign commercial referring to Webster as a draft dodger who didn't love his country.
Webster, it turns out, had been rejected for military service on medical grounds during the Vietnam War. But to Grayson, this meant his opponent was practically a terrorist. He began referring to Webster as "Taliban Dan."
Grayson lost that election, and Washington got a little less breezy. But the winds resumed last fall when he won a newly drawn seat centered in Clearwater, Florida. Among his first acts was to coin a new term for Republicans: the "bath salts caucus."
Like all Grayson one-liners, it was funny, and even contained a kernel of truth. But it wasn't particularly helpful in getting members of Congress to put down their plastic swords and do something useful for the country.
8. Scott DesJarlais (R-Tennessee): The Anti-Abortion Zealot With a Running Tab at Planned Parenthood
Scott DesJarlais, a family doctor from the outback of Tennessee, is stridently pro-life, known for his righteous denunciations of abortion and adultery.
Why does Franks oppose the tribe’s Casino in Glendale? Simple, really. Trent Franks is a mentally unstable man with a history of psychological problems. He is putting a knife in the back of Glendale for "narrow special interests." Let’s guess who that is?
Right-wing nut bags in Sun City who hate everything?
Religious nuts who oppose gambling and anything slightly fun?
The chamber of commerce who will not have influence over the tribe?
1)Glendale would not have any say on how the property is developed.
2)Glendale would not capture any tax revenue from the property, including property tax and sales tax.
3)Glendale is afraid that a casino on the property would take away revenue from the Westgate Center.
4)Only the Gila River Nation opposes the project which is ABSOLUTELY no surprise, because they are the only nation near the area (in Laveen) and therefore have monopoly on casinos in the area.
Trent Franks knows the deal
is legal and approved by the BIA, so he sneaks laws into congress to stop the
deal. Scottsdale has no problem with casinos and they have plenty of jobs
Trent Franks, absolutely useless to Arizona or his constituents. Not one bill helping Arizona. And obsessed with one subject.
I've said it before and i'll say it again: Trent Franks, my illustrious Member of Congress, should have been aborted. Short of that, it's a cryin' shame that he survived childhood.
@@eric.nelson745 Franks has such a one-track mind about abortion that one wonders if his own mother repeatedly told him that she wished she had aborted him, giving him a psychological complex that Freud would have a field day with. It would certainly explain his obsession with the topic and his obvious mental and emotional problems (talk to anyone who has met the man; there is something VERY wrong with him.) Either that, or like that horndog hypocrite from Tennessee, Franks has dragged a few knocked-up girlfriends and mistresses to the abortion clinic himself.
It's an all-to-common phenomenon; those who yell the loudest about something are often the most guilty of what they despise and condemn. So the anti-abortion zealot forces his own wife and/or girlfriend to have an abortion; the anti-pornography crusader has a huge stash of the most depraved porn available on his computer or, if he's old-school, under the bed (just for "research purposes," of course); the guy ranting the loudest against homosexuality is himself a self-loathing closet case, trolling airport bathrooms and rentboy websites for hookups; and the guy preaching against divorce and adultery and demanding a return to "Christian family values" is himself a serial cheater who repeatedly hires hookers and/or screws women who aren't his wife and could not be monogamous if you paid him to be (or, if you're Newt Gingrich, unless your wife is with you at all times; honestly, does anyone really think that plastic fembot he's married to, travels with him all of the time because she just can't be without him? She has to know damn well that if she lets Newty out of her sight, he'll mount the first thing with boobs that he sees, and she'll be on her way to being the next ex-Mrs. Gingrich.)Alas, it is hard to say if such revolting hypocrisy, or the rank idiocy of the human failures listed above, is a new phenomenon, or just one we're more aware of it now in our era of internet transparency and 24-hour news cycles. But it does make one suspect that perhaps democracy as practiced in the US has reached its "jump the shark"point and it is time for a new system. Perhaps it is also time that we admit that the stupid should not be permitted to breed, much less vote.
@eric.nelson745 Franks has such a one-track mind about abortion that one wonders if his own mother repeatedly told him that she wished she had aborted him, giving him a psychological complex that Freud would have a field day with. It would certainly explain his obsession with the topic and his obvious mental and emotional problems (talk to anyone who has met the man; there is something VERY wrong with him.) Either that, or like that horndog hypocrite from Tennessee, Franks has dragged a few knocked-up girlfriends and mistresses to the abortion clinic himself.
It's an all-to-common phenomenon; those who yell the loudest about something are often the most guilty of what they despise and condemn. So the anti-abortion zealot forces his own wife and/or girlfriend to have an abortion; the anti-pornography crusader has a huge stash of the most depraved porn available on his computer or, if he's old-school, under the bed; the guy ranting the loudest against homosexuality is himself a self-loathing closet case, trolling airport bathrooms and rentboy websites for hookups; and the guy preaching against divorce and adultery and demanding a return to "Christian family values" is himself a serial philanderer who repeatedly screws women whhis wife and could not be faithful
Why the hell am I paying Trent Franks to be a congressman?
Franks needs to be booted from office. Now. He's too mentally sick to be a congressman.
Sure is obvious why this county in going down the toilet fast with idiots like this in office, even worse is the idiot voters that actually vote for these slimeballs.
While this story is about the PCSO, the real story is that cops, for the most part, are barely civilized thugs.
A well balanced list, I think. I had expected you to have all 10 nominees be from the Right side of the aisle. Thanks for not doing that.
Why was Joe Biden not on the list? That has to be the craziest guy we have seen in years. Even worse than Bush, when it comes to saying the wrong thing, Joe usually seems to wait for the teleprompter before asking for morning coffee.
All in all, though, a good list
@bob_lablaw96 Even the liberals that they picked weren't really crazy, just kind of mean-spirited. The purpose of this article is to paint the GOP as having the most bat-shit crazy or "weird," as the author kindly puts it, representatives in the country. I couldn't be less surprised that they picked on Michelle Bachman to lead the list, she's kind of quirky and liberals love to hate her. I definitely agree with you that Joe Biden is a lunatic
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