10 Love Lessons Learned from Game of Thrones
Game of Thrones, HBO
Courting Disaster is Jackalope Ranch's weekly column of dating horror stories, observations, how-tos, and more by Katie Johnson. Names of ex-boyfriends, past hookups, and bad blind dates have been changed to protect the guilty.
When it comes to finding and keeping love, does anyone know what they're doing? Not really. So why not take a few tips from movies, television, and books? In honor of the season four finale, which HBO airs Sunday, June 15, here are 10 tested love lessons we've learned from Game of Thrones.
Note: This post contains spoilers.
10. Size doesn't exactly matter.
Just ask Tyrion Lannister and any one of his numerous women. Or maybe check back with Oberyn Martell as soon as he's done defeating The Mountain. Oh, wait.
9. Some people are just naturally gifted.
Doesn't how many people you've bedded. The fact remains that some lucky folks are just naturals, like John Snow going down on Ygritte in a cave or Podrick Payne getting his prostitutes free of charge. Lucky bastards.
8. The heart wants what the heart wants.
Regardless of whether it's your crazy twin sibling who stabs kings in the back, pushes kids out of windows, and tries to win you back single-handed -- literally. Or maybe crazy one is Cersei who abuses her daughters-in-law, wants to kill her youngest brother, and is really just a straight-up bitch.
Scratch that, they're meant for each other.
7. Men are not observant.
Did you cut your hair? Have we met before? If Arya Stark can chop of her hair, ditch the dress, and have almost everyone fooled, then your man certainly isn't going to notice that new shade of lipstick.
6. Girls gotta own it.
Ladies, men like when you take command. Just look at Daenerys Targaryen and Khal Drogo.
5. Don't get attached to anyone.
They're just going to cheat on you, betray you, or most likely get brutally slayed in front of thousands of people. Seriously, you'll just end up disappointed.
6. Be wary of men who give you jewelry.
Especially if that jewelry is given to you by a complete stranger, comes from Littlefinger, or is secretly filled with poison. Get it together, Sansa Stark.
5. He's just dating you to get to your sister.
Or your not-so-secretly gay brother, or your niece, or, most understandably, the throne.
2. Everyone can tell you're a virgin.
So if a hot red head comes along and offers to take it, let her.
1. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
Just make sure you don't cross said red head. She will no joke cut your dick off.
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