Going to the fair is one of those date ideas that you see in the movies and it seems really cute. For all we know, maybe it is a really cute date for some. But, for most people, the Arizona State Fair isn't exactly the most romantic setting. There are a ton of reasons that taking a date to the fair, open October 10 through November 2, might be a terrible idea, but here are 10 reasons you should consider it.
See also: 40 First Date Ideas in Metro Phoenix
10. You can call it an "adventurous experience."
If your date's been watching too many travel or food shows on television and constantly bugs you about trying new restaurants or types of food, then this is your easy out. Take him/her to the fair, have them try a chocolate covered scorpion or some deep-fried Doritos. And then they'll never rely on you to find a new place to eat ever again. Pretend you really like the deep-fried crickets. You can mention that your date didn't like the last place you took him/her the next time he/she wants you to go to the new Vietnamese-Italian fusion spot.
9. You'll learn what (some of) his/her fears are.
Let's be honest, the state fair can be a terrifying place. You probably never realized it if you went as a kid, but as an adult you start to notice that there's a wide variety of fear-inducing horrors. Whether you're scared of the hundreds (or thousands) of people who look like they're straight out of prison (or a high-quality episode of Cops), the stomach-churning rides like the Tilt-a-Whirl and the Zipper, or the general griminess of the fairgrounds, there's something for just about everyone to be at least a little creeped out over.
8. You barely have to worry about showering beforehand.
Unless your nose deep in powdered sugar and frybread, most of the fair doesn't smell great. The combination of farm animals, gasoline, and unwashed masses is probably enough to overpower any body odor you might be bringing to the table. On top of that, no one really expects to leave the fair without smelling like a cocktail of dirt and other people's bodily fluids, so he or she won't even notice if you stink on the ride home.
7. It might give you an opportunity to show off your protection skills.
While we've never actually seen a fight break out at the fair, there's always that slight feeling that a rumble could break out at any moment. There's also the possibility of having to shield your date from rambunctious sugar-rushed children or a flying piece of funnel cake. Even if nothing occurs at all, someone might look at you menacingly while you're there, so what better time to show off your sweet self-defense skills in a perceived or real situation?
6. You'll learn his/her preferred curse words and whether he/she is racist.
For some reason, the state fair can truly bring out the worst in people. Whether inspired by the thrill rides, the weird food, or the melting pot of people, your date is a virtual lock to say the worst things in his/her vocabulary at some point during the festivities. Maybe you'll even bond over it.
5. You get to see aging rock stars.
In the past, the state fair's run of concerts has been loaded with old men like Bob Dylan and Tom Petty. This year, the acts are closer to middle-aged, with several 1990s performers and a couple of more modern ones. No matter whom you see, it's pretty much a guarantee that the entire coliseum will smell at least a little like stale food and vomit. Will your shared nostalgia for the '90s nostalgia overcome all odds? You have to go to find out.
4. You might look really good in the funhouse mirrors.
Alright, funhouse mirrors aren't really flattering for anyone, but if you're uncomfortable with your weirdly shaped body, they can make your date look just as oddly shaped as you. Forget worrying about your love handles or sucking in that muffin top. When you're looking at yourself in one of these mirrors, no one will notice the extra pounds you packed on from all the deep-fried cookie dough. Everyone is always trying to make their bodies look better, but the real equalizer is when you stand in front of a mirror that makes everyone look like a deformed animated Disney character.
3. You'll find out how willing he/she is to put things in his/her mouth.
If your date's willing to eat some deep-fried maggots or chocolate-covered tarantula legs, odds are pretty good that he/she is pretty open about things entering their oral cavity. Need we say more?
2. There's a slight chance you could look like a hero and win him/her a giant stuffed animal.
No one needs a giant stuffed animal, but when you're at the fair, it seems like everyone wants a giant stuffed animal. We're pretty certain your date won't have anywhere to put it and it'll just end up sitting in his/her closet until the two of you stop seeing each other, but at the time, you'll probably seem slightly more heroic than Superman, but without the whole spandex and cape thing. Bonus points if you yell "IT'S SO FLUFFY!" when the guy hands it to you. (Yes, that's a fantastic movie reference; shame on you if you didn't get it.)
1. You probably won't have to pick something to do for a date for a while after.
There are three ways your date to the fair could possibly end.
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A. Your date says that he/she thinks it's time to see other people. B. Your date suggests that maybe he/she should pick the activities from now on. C. Your date had a really great time and can't wait to go back to the fair.
Under any of these circumstances, you don't have to worry about planning another date for the foreseeable future because you'll either be (A.) freshly single and everyone on social media will know you took your last date to the fair, (B.) just doing whatever your date wants to do for the next long while, or (C.) in hiding from your former date who loves the state fair way too much.
The Arizona State Fair is open Wednesdays through Sundays from Friday, October 10, through Sunday, November 2. For more info, visit azstatefair.com.