10 Things We've Learned from Tinder
We knew it wasn't a good sign for civilization when Tinder came on the scene. We were skeptical at first, but as the app skyrocketed in popularity, it became perfectly clear that there was a demand for a bit of software that lets you choose a possible romantic partner based on a single grainy selfie taken at 3 a.m. outside of a bar.
Does it really seem like a good idea to have a hookup app in a world where most people spend more time on their phones than talking to another person face-to-face? Probably not, but the enabling app seems to be here to stay.
Here are ten (somewhat troubling) facts about humanity that we've learned from Tinder.
See also: 10 Dating Slang Terms You Need to Know
10. Nobody knows how to start a conversation.
It isn't much of a surprise that (much like in real life) women generally wait for the men to strike up a conversation with them on Tinder. However, we didn't expect how bad most guys would be at starting up a conversation. We've seen some of the stuff that other guys use to open with girls on Tinder, and it kind of makes us ashamed to share a sex with them. Lines like "Hey! What's up?" are safe, but boring, while more direct openers such as "I think you're really hot and want to see if you're cool," might be a little too straightforward. Guys, unless you're really that confident in your flirting abilities, we'd recommend taking a shot at making her laugh within the first few messages. That'll put you three steps ahead of most of your Tindering competition.
9. Some people seem to have no idea what Tinder is for.
We never entirely believe them, but there are a surprising amount of people (men and women) who join Tinder despite being married/engaged/in a serious relationship and claim to just be "looking for friends." Maybe they're unfamiliar with how Tinder works, but unless you're looking to pick your friends based on their Facebook photos, it seems like a bad place to go for platonic camaraderie. We're sure there are other social media apps and websites out there to help coupled-up folks make friends, or they could always just try going out into the world (with or without their significant other) to meet people.
8. Ladies generally play the field more than guys do.
The recent wave of feminism has caused an awful lot of hate toward straight men, particularly when it comes to how we treat women. We're not saying we don't deserve it, but one thing we've learned from Tinder is that ladies are often way worse about playing and misleading dudes than the other way around. Our female friends brag to us about how they'll talk to a guy on Tinder (whom they have no attraction to) only so he'll teach her about SEO or help her improve her Spanish. Others will agree to meet a guy for dinner at a certain place and time, and then just stop responding to him instead of actually canceling the date. That's without getting into how many different guys some of them will chat with at the same time, because we're not even sure that they keep the names straight every time. We don't even want to think about how much hate a guy would get for doing those same types of things.
7. Everyone has terrible taste in music/movies/TV/books.
As soon as a guy runs out of things to say, he immediately goes to the backup plan of asking a woman what kinds of literary, visual, or auditory entertainment she prefers. What we've realized is that no matter who is asking the question and who is answering them, you're bound to get some fairly awful answers. Please don't tell us that A Million Ways to Die in the West was the funniest movie you've ever seen or that you're really hoping Bieber's next album is as perfect as his last one, we really wanted to like you.
6. "So how about this weather?" is really still something people say.
After people run out of anything else interesting to say, it turns out that they really will resort to using the weather to keep the conversation going. At this point, your Tinder match is already on life support, so unless you're in the middle of a hurricane and the weather is a legitimate concern, maybe you should just pull the plug instead of tossing this desperation heave into the messages.
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5. People get very judgmental when looking at a stranger's profile pictures.
Have you ever scrolled through Tinder with your friends around? It's like everyone becomes the Simon Cowell of dating, and swiping right on the wrong person is definitely going to end in marriage. Sure, maybe her nostrils are a little bigger than would be ideal, or maybe he's got a weird freckle on his cheek that's kind of shaped like Australia if you squint, but is the smallest imperfection really enough to justify not even giving that person a chance to get to know you? Let's not forget, Tinder isn't designed to find Mr(s). Right, it's much more to find Mr(s). Right Now, and we doubt anyone's ever turned down a one-night stand because it kind of looked like the other person's earlobes might not be the same size.
4. The thirst is real.
We kind of knew the types of things that people were willing to do and say to get into the pants of an attractive member of the opposite sex, but we weren't fully prepared for what gets said on Tinder. Not only is the app full of corny compliments and cheesy pickup lines, but at the slightest hint of interest in any kind of physical action, the conversation almost immediately spirals out of control. We're not saying this is exclusive to Tinder, but a woman could give a guy an address halfway around the world and tell him to come over, and there are an awful lot of guys who would book a plane ticket that minute. It's a thirsty, desperate world out there, folks, and Tinder is the breeding grounds.
3. Most people lie about themselves.
Sure, we've all withheld a bit of information about ourselves in an effort to appear more flawless to the opposite sex, but it seems like deceit and dishonesty are just par for the course on Tinder. We're not talking about the guys/gals who say they're funny in their profiles when all they do is repeat tired Dane Cook jokes, we're talking about people using blatantly misleading photos and/or information to get a match, number, or actual date. If you're using a photo from three years ago before you gained 50 pounds, that's lying. If you're claiming to be a high-powered businessman when you really work in a call center, that's also lying. If you forget to mention that you're engaged with a two-year-old, then you're either lying or should get your head examined for memory loss.
2. Guys say some really dumb things.
All right, we already knew that we (males) say some excruciatingly stupid lines when trying to woo a lady. That said, we can't believe some of the lines we've seen get used on our female friends that guys think might actually have a shot at working. For instance, asking a match if she still has "that college sex drive" because she recently graduated probably isn't going to lead to you finding that out firsthand. Also, some guys handle rejection very poorly. If you start saying nasty things to a woman on Tinder after she turns you down, you're then effectively growing the portion of the female population in your area who finds you vile. Don't forget, Tinder is based on location, so there's a good shot that you could run into that girl you just called "fat and ugly" for turning you down someday, and she could have other cute friends.
1. No one is as attractive as they think they are.
This might actually be the best thing about Tinder. If everyone just knew how attractive they were and who was legitimately in their ballpark, the market for an app where you anonymously select potential partners based on a few photos would shrink exponentially. Unless you have the greatest bio known to mankind, most of your matches will be based on members of the opposite sex finding you (at least mildly) attractive. In the effort of not wasting time and pride, you're pretty unlikely to swipe right on someone who you know you have literally no shot with. That doesn't stop people from trying though. Why do only the semi-attractive/not hideous gals and guys talk to you? Well, because you might actually look more like them than you think in real life. We can't all be models.
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