Curse those pesky Mayans and the long-count calendar they crafted eons ago. It's got a good chunk of the general populace (well, the ones without a modicum of common sense, at any rate) wringing their hands and stocking up on freeze-dried beef stew about the alleged Armageddon that kicks off one week hence.
One of the most frustrating aspects of this whole doomsday kafuffle is the fact that the aforementioned ancient ones didn't specify the exact time when the earth's polarity will shift or cosmic rays will vaporize us all. How does one figure out how to spend their final hours when they don't know when that will be? (Too bad they couldn't have created a Facebook event or something.)
So if the world truly ends on either Thursday, December 20, or Friday, December 21, Jackalope Ranch has got you covered. We've pulled together a list of dance parties and art events taking place both days where you can help end the world not with a bang, but a rager.
Lawn Gnome Publishing The Fifth Street bookstore and arts space will become a "Mayan-UFO Crashpad" on the evening Thursday, December 20, offering those who attend their End of the World affair a chance to participate in a Haiku Deathmatch, the Mobile Karaoke Unit, and much dancing. Costumes are encouraged and prizes will be given to the best. The event starts at 7 p.m. Admission is free.
Eye Lounge Local ceramicist David Lloyd Bradley will hold an opening reception for his show "Heavenly Bodies/Earthly Pursuits," which focuses on both the end of the world and new beginnings, on Friday, December 21. The Roosevelt Row gallery will also host photographer/painter Daniel Funkhouser's final show at Eye Lounge, which will depict his love of science fiction and is entitled "Family Photos and Homeworlds." The gallery is open from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. Admission is free.
Axis/Radius DJ Soloman will team up with DJ 40Ford to drop chart-topping hits and club bangers while existence as we know it possibly ends with a bang during the "End of the World Party" on Friday, December 21. Doors open at 10 p.m. Call 480-970-1112 for cover.
Gypsy Bar Meanwhile, the folks at the CityScape arcade/nightclub are betting that global annihilation will come via the death rays of evil extraterrestrials, hence the theme of their "Alien Invasion" Party on Friday, December 21. While (thankfully) none of that anal probing nonsense will occur, the bartends will serve "out of this world drink specials" and DJ Soulman will be dropping tracks all night. The invasion begins at 9 p.m. Admission is free.
Kobalt As for the staff of this CenPho gay bar must believe that the the reanimated corpses will rise from their graves and start chowing down on the population, as they're hosting a "Zombie Apokalypse" shindig where patrons are encouraged to dress as faux brain-munchers. Besides fooling any potential zombies that might happen to be stumbling about (a la Bill Murray's strategy in Zombieland), prizes will be awarded to the best-dressed member of the undead. A live DJ, happy hour specials until 11 p.m., and $3 shots for survivors of doomsday are also promised. The party starts at 9 p.m.
Sky Lounge Both floors of this Latin club are certain to be filled with revelers during the "Fiesta Del Fin De Mundo" on Friday, December 21. DJ Cesar Tercero and DJ Waldo will be spinning salsa, merengue, bachata, and other tropical dance favorites all evening. Drink specials include $2 cerveza until 11 p.m. and $4 margaritas. Doors open at 9 p.m. Cover charge varies.
Crescent Ballroom Local DJ, drag artist, and LGBT activist Austin Head, who's still recovering from the recent hate crime assault by a pair of dastardly hoodlums, is putting on a frenetic fiesta entitled "The End of Days Cabaret" on Friday, December 21. The Mayan-inspired soiree will be hosted by the "chief priestess" Barbara Seville, exotic and erotic performances from Scandalesque and Capoeira Brasil-Arizona, as well as a DJ set by A Dynamic Mechanism and maybe some "virgin sacrifices." Jobot Author and activist Joey Grether (a.k.a. Phil Freedom) will spend what could be his final hours hosting a combination group art show and dance party entitled "Mandala: The Next Epoch" on Friday, December 21, at the quirky coffeehouse. In addition to showcasing the latest work from "a ton" of local creatives, the event will feature electronic sounds from Phortran, Terminal 11, and Gohmn. Start time is 9 p.m. Admission is free.
Sanctum Doomsday couldn't be a more fitting time to hang with some to the DJs of Sanctum, as they'll be serving up gloomy tunes of a Goth, industrial, and synth bent during "Black Mass: Apocalypse" on Friday, December 21. Apollynon and Aeternum are scheduled to spin and the bar will offer drink specials, in case you'd like to ease the pain of Armageddon. The party starts at 9:30 p.m. Admission is $5.
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Dos Gringos All four locations of the local Mexican drinkery/eatery will host "End of the World" parties on Friday, December 21, and will offer specials on Coronas and other cervezas, DJs and dancing, live music, and more. Each location opens at 11 a.m.
Bobby Q's Go-go dances, crazy drink specials, and DJs spinning everything from Top 40 to Latin jams will be a part of the Q Lounge's "Fiesta Del Fin De Mundo" on Friday, December 21. Doors open at 9 p.m.