12 Worst Hot-Weather Pickup Lines

Summer in Phoenix often feels like one long, hot screw in the desert sand and liquid asphalt. Everybody's running around sweating, panting, and ready for naps. Heat may be literal torture in the Valley of the Sun, but metaphorically, it's also very sensual.The down side of having nine months of...

By Niki D'Andrea

July 23, 2010

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Summer in Phoenix often feels like one long, hot screw in the desert sand and liquid asphalt. Everybody's running around sweating, panting, and ready for naps. Heat may be literal torture in the Valley of the Sun, but metaphorically, it's also very sensual.

The down side of having nine months of hot temperatures, though, is that there's really no reason to talk about the weather. It's always hot and sunny. Whoop-dee-doo.

But since living in an urban furnace always prompts us to be bitches about the heat, here are a dozen tacky pickup lines to share at the water cooler for at a few tepid laughs.

1. It's a hot hump day today in Arizona. But don't worry, it's a dry hump. (Thanks to Twitter user @SucittaM)

2. Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?

3. Hey, if you can't take the heat, get out of your clothes.

4. Don't sweat the petty things. Pet the sweaty things. (We saw this one on a T-shirt.)

5. Is that sunscreen in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

6. Want to compare tan lines, or just show me yours?

7. Screw me if I'm wrong, but it's freezing in Phoenix.

8. It's hotter than a rooster in a hen house! We should take the cock out.

9. The Arizona desert's full of cacti, but I've got the biggest prick.

10. I hope there's a fireman around, because you're smoking hot.

11. If it weren't for the Arizona sun, you'd be the hottest thing ever created.

12. You look so hot that I could cook rice on you.

Have any favorite pickup lines about the heat? Share 'em in the comments.

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Niki D'Andrea has covered subjects including drug culture, women's basketball, pirate radio stations, Scottsdale staycations, and fine wine. She has worked at both New Times and Phoenix Magazine, and is now a freelancer.

Contact: Niki D'Andrea