Courting Disaster is Jackalope Ranch's weekly column of dating horror stories, observations, how-tos, and more by Katie Johnson. Names of ex-boyfriends, past hookups, and bad blind dates have been changed to protect the guilty.
First dates are rough. A single meal or a meet-up over coffee can make or break your chances of changing your relationship status on Facebook. If a first date goes great, you could be telling your future children about it 15 years form now. And if it crashes and burns, you could be reading about it on this blog
Since one is the loneliest number, here are three pieces of advice that may save you from your single status. Think of them as the trifecta of taboo topics.
3. Money talks
You may think that money makes the world go round, but when it comes to a first date, money can bring things to a record-scratching stop. Asking the other person how much money he or she makes, asking how much their clothing or car costs, even talking about your own personal finances --- these are all things you mother should have taught you not to say (to anyone). If you've got your money on your mind and your mind on your money, I can tell you one thing that's not going to be on top of you by the end of the night: your date.
2. First comes love, then comes marriage...
Is this person so amazing that you can already picture sharing a life and a last name with them? Maybe even imagine what your kids will look like? That's great!
But dear god keep it to yourself.
Obviously we date for a purpose. And for many of us, the end game equals wedding bells and beach vacations as a family, but please, slow your roll and remember that this is date one. Asking if the person across the table if he or she wants kids or marriage may seem like a logical statement for a single person on a mission, but to them you're just going to sound crazy desperate.
1. Ex-rated material
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You may have tossed out your ex's belongings, gotten that unfortunate tattoo removed, and moved into your own place, but all of that means nothing the moment you bring up your ex on a first date.
Unless your ex chopped off your arm, and your date goes, "Hey, what happened to your arm?" there's really no good reason to bring that blast from the past back to the dinner table. You'll sound hung up, your date will be turned off, and the ex -- well, they couldn't care less.