4 First-Round Arizona Cardinals Prospects We'd Like to Binge-Watch Gilmore Girls With

Inside University of Phoenix Stadium as the Cardinals take on the Chicago Bears.EXPAND
Inside University of Phoenix Stadium as the Cardinals take on the Chicago Bears.

The 2016 NFL draft is nigh upon us, and the Arizona Cardinals are looking to capitalize on a successful season by making an explosive pick with the 29th overall selection in the first round. There is a lot of talent for the Cardinals to choose from when the clock starts ticking on April 28, but it’s important to analyze their needs and weaknesses, as well as the most talented individuals available when they make their pick.

It’s also important to keep in mind the impending premiere of the Netflix revival of Gilmore Girls. While it’s only natural to speculate where these players might land on issues like whom Rory belongs with or whether Lorelai and Luke got back together, unfortunately, at this point it’s impossible to say how much Gilmore Girls curriculum was involved behind closed doors at the Combine.

Until those results are released, we can only imagine how these players might fit in at both the Cardinals locker room and a marathon sesh. Still, let’s play some fantasy football and find out who we’d like to get Gilmore’d out with.

Alabama C Ryan Kelly probably appreciates and understands the strong-willed Paris Geller.
Alabama C Ryan Kelly probably appreciates and understands the strong-willed Paris Geller.
Bob Klayman/Warner Bros. Television

Ryan Kelly
Center from Alabama
6’4”, 311 lbs.

Aside from the local buzz mounting around the stalwart Alabama center, Kelly achieved national acclaim after forcefully making lanes for Heisman Trophy winner Derrick Henry and helping the Crimson Tide roll to their first National Championship in the playoff era.

The Cardinals could use support on the offensive line, especially at the center position, with Steve Keim and Co. allowing Lyle Sendlein to hit free agency. An impressive effort at the Combine showed he possesses the speed to make it in a versatile offense, which is becoming more important in today’s NFL, potentially making Kelly a great fit in Bruce Arians’s scheme. Imagine Kelly learning from greats like Evan Mathis and Mike Iupati — it’d be a boon for the Cardinals.

And while Kelly may have difficulty with quicker interior defenders, he possesses brute strength and a gritty resolve that surely makes it easy for him to relate and connect with one Paris Geller, Rory Gilmore’s best frenemy. Paris’s feisty and fiery demeanor earned her no friends in the Yale Daily Newsroom, traits that Kelly shares when he’s unleashed on the football field.

While it might not seem like the sexiest pick, Arizona would do well to select a talent like Ryan Kelly, who probably hates Liza Weil’s character on How to Get Away With Murder. He’d likely appreciate Paris as a foil to Rory, always challenging her to be her best self.

We don't want to be quick to judge, but Robert Nkemdiche reminds us of a certain heartbreaking asshole...EXPAND
We don't want to be quick to judge, but Robert Nkemdiche reminds us of a certain heartbreaking asshole...
Nathan Latil/Ole Miss/Warner Bros. Television

Robert Nkemdiche
Defensive End/Defensive Tackle from Ole Miss
6’3”, 294 lbs.

Nkemdiche put on a limited display at the Combine this year, but his 4.87 40-yard dash and 35-inch vertical placed him above his peers at the DT position in those categories. He truly is a versatile talent at both the DT and DE positions.

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But one cannot mention Nkemdiche without bringing up his issues off the field that saw him fall out of a window and get arrested for possession of marijuana, all in the same incident. He was suspended for Ole Miss’ appearance in the Sugar Bowl and declared for the NFL draft after, ending his college career with disappointment. Does the rebellious streak sound familiar?

While his talent might be a valuable addition to the Cardinals, there’s no denying the similarities to the bad boy who broke young Rory’s heart. We're talking about that asshole Jess Mariano, of course, played to dickheaded perfection by Milo Ventimiglia. Can the Cardinals afford to take on their own Scourge of Stars Hollow? Well, if Luke Duanes couldn’t handle Jess, what hope would Arians have of controlling Nkemdiche?

If Robert is going to be able to enjoy the upcoming Gilmore Girls: Seasons resurgence on Netflix, he will have to do some growing up. Just like Jess should have in the years since we last saw these characters.


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