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50 Shades of Grey: Seven Actors We Don't Want to See Play Christian in the Movie

50 Shades of Grey: Seven Actors We Don't Want to See Play Christian in the Movie
Flickr/Creative Commons

There's been plenty of speculation about who will be cast as the tall, dark, and handsome Christian Grey in the eventual (an official release date hasn't been announced) movie. There are fake trailers featuring would-be leading men and women floating around the Internet, which have prompted some stars to publicly state that they would definitely not be in the movie. In the words of Emma Watson on Twitter: "Who here actually thinks I would do 50 Shades of Grey as a movie? Like really. For real. In real life."

Well, fine with us, because as any 50 Shades fan knows, the casting of the movie could make or break it. And after all this waiting, it'd better be good. It's pretty much impossible to read all three books with out developing strong feelings about Mr. Mercurial and that means we can't just have any old actor tramping around the set. We've put some serious thought into the issue, and here are a few guys who should definitely not play Christian Grey now or ever.

See also: Five Survival Tips for Reading "Fifty Shades of Grey"

Robert Pattinson

No matter what he does, he'll always be Edward to us.
No matter what he does, he'll always be Edward to us.
Wikimedia Commons

Yes, it's true that the 50 Shades of Grey series started as Twilight fan fiction. But Edward is definitely not the same character as Christian. For starters, Christian is not a vampire. He doesn't even like blood! (Really, it's in the book.) And besides, even author E.L. James has said she wouldn't want him as Christian.

 

Ryan Gosling

Ryan Gosling
Ryan Gosling
Flickr/Creative Commons

There have been plenty of rumors that Gosling might play Christian (and one April Fool's joke confirming that fact) but if we think about it, do we really want to ruin Mr. Hey Girl, Ryan Gosling, for ourselves by letting him be the face of one of the most deranged romances to hit the silver screen? No, I don't think we do.

Shia LaBeouf

Shia LaBeouf
Shia LaBeouf
Wikimedia Commons

We'll give it to Shia -- he's come a long way since his Even Stevens days. He was full-on hot in Transformers and pretty manly in Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps. But there's something about his face that we can't quite put our finger on, something that constantly reminds us that underneath it all, he's still just a nice guy. We just couldn't buy LaBeouf as a sexually intense business tycoon with a roomful of sex toys and a penchant for tying up chicks.

 

Patrick Dempsey

Patrick Dempsey
Patrick Dempsey
Wikimedia Commons

Apparently, face-matching software says that Patrick Dempsey would make a great Christian Grey. But for starters, Dempsey is a few years too old to play the 28-year-old CEO. And let's be honest, his face is just too . . . dreamy. Christian is a guy with dark past and an obsession with control. Handsome, yes, but in a dangerous, arresting way.

Ryan Reynolds

Ryan Reynolds
Ryan Reynolds
Wikimedia Commons

This has got to be joke from people who just want to see Reyolds play opposite his wifey, Blake Lively as Anastasia Steele. She might not be a terrible Anastasia (though we're not convinced she can pull off the innocence of the character) but Reynolds (a.k.a. The Green Lantern and the push-over employee from The Proposal) as smoldering hot Christian Grey? Not so much. Reynolds has dimples, for goodness sake.

 

Leonardo DiCaprio

Leonardo DiCaprio
Leonardo DiCaprio
Wikimedia Commons

If Leonard DiCaprio were considering this role, we personally would send him a letter to remind him that he's better than that. On one hand, he probably would bring great depth to the character, but after coming off The Great Gatsby, the world deserves something better from DiCaprio than an appearance in a movie version of "mommy porn."

Alexander Skarsgard

Alexander Skarsgard
Alexander Skarsgard
Wikimedia Commons

Don't get us wrong, we love naked Alexander Skarsgard. That's why we watch True Blood, and admittedly Skarsgard plays a very Christian-like brooding, sexy vampire in that show. He could definitely pull off the whole Mr. Grey attitude. But alas, the blond-haired, blue-eyed Skarsgard is far too old for the role.

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