E3: Top 5 Video Games That Pissed Us Off

A scene from the upcoming Goldeneye 007 remake for the Nintendo Wii.
A scene from the upcoming Goldeneye 007 remake for the Nintendo Wii.

Yesterday we ran down the top 5 video games that had our eyes glued to E3 coverage when we should have been, you know, working. There are so many titles fueling our excitement, but that's not to say there aren't a few that have our blood boiling.

What video games did we observe during yesterday's E3 coverage that annoyed the hell right out of us? Check the jump to find out.

5. Dragon Quest IX: Sentinels of the Starry Skies

Before you get bent out of shape, let us preemptively assert that we're sure

Dragon Quest IX

is a great game. The problem is it's been a great game for almost a year in Japan. How can we be expected to still be excited about a game we've been chomping at the bit for these last 11 months?

Just as a comparison point, Final Fantasy XIII showed up on American shores within three months of its Japanese release.

4. Kirby's Epic Yarn

Listen up, Nintendo. The guy you've got writing your titles absolutely sucks.

Kirby's Epic Yarn

? We might play this Kirby game if simply reading the title didn't embarrass us. What's next,

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Also, there's not one second of Kirby eating an enemy in this trailer. Kirby's whole game play gimmick is that he cannibalizes an enemy to gain their powers. How can you mess up the core game play mechanic?

Nintendo should have called this snoozefest Kirby's Epic Yawn.

3. The Legend of Zelda: The Skyward Sword

No! Just no!

How many times does Nintendo expect us to buy the same game?

Here's a prediction: The Legend of Zelda: The Skyward Sword will require you to throw a boomerang at multiple targets to open a door. As Link (the hero of time, wolves, cel-shaded boat captains, and train conductors) you will have to venture across Hyrule to find 6 to 8 objects sealed away in 6 to 8 different dungeons. The game's final boss will be Ganondorf even though you've stabbed him to death so many times in the earlier games that he should be see through.

2. Move and Kinect

Congratulations, Sony and Microsoft. You've successfully jumped on Nintendo's bandwagon with your own motion controllers. We just have one problem: your "futuristic" control mechanisms are ridiculously expensive.

On launch day the Nintendo Wii came with everything required for motion play and a game (Wii Sports) for $249.99. Move has a $99 bundle that's missing the sub-controller (the equivalent of the Wii's nunchuk). Kinect has a price point of $149 and it doesn't come with a game!

1. Goldeneye 007
Goldeneye 007

on the Nintendo 64 changed console games forever by presenting first-person shooting games on a platform other than the PC. Just about every gamer worth his golden gun has spent untold hours sitting in front of a TV chasing their friends around the complex with rocket launchers.

Here's the rub: being the first doesn't mean you're the best. It's impossible to jump in Goldeneye. It's also largely impossible to fall off of things. The sound effects are repetitive. No matter what character you play as in multiplayer, they all have the same hand for melee attacks.

This remake for the Wii, like most remakes, is banking on your nostalgia for a game that isn't as good as you remember to sell a million copies. We're sure it will be good, but there's no way it will be as revolutionary as the original. So go ahead and buy a copy if you're still such a Bond fan boy that you can't live without it. Just remember we called it when it doesn't live up to the hype or your expectations.

And where the hell is Pierce Brosnan!?

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