Each week, we're recapping season one of Fuller House, episode by episode. Danny Tanner's home, so get ready for some hugging.
The eighth episode of Fuller House, titled "Secrets, Lies and Firetrucks," is as literal as it gets, somehow nicely wrapping up a bunch of story lines that seemed to exist in individual vacuums. That's been an issue in such earlier episodes as "Funner House," where the adults and kids seemed to be on separate planets.
They both have one thing in common: the return of one of the Elder Tanners, wedging their way under less than normal pretenses. In this case, it was Danny, back in the Bay for a Wake Up San Francisco reunion. What does that even mean? Would that just be him and Becky, who are still working together in L.A.? Omg wait, what about Vicky? Is she coming back? Will she and his nameless wife duke it out? #TeamVicky
By contrast, we are definitely not #TeamFernando. This dude is the worst. We know we're supposed to love his adorable accent, but lets face facts: He cheated multiple times, and Kimmy should stand her ground. Obviously, a "family show" wants to make light of it all, but considering its three female leads, this plot line is, honestly, just bad for feminism.
Nevertheless, they spend the episode sneaking out windows and stealing kisses while still mulling over making it official (again). This is at least the one sensible part of the whole thing, in order to keep Ramona out of the picture until they decide. By the end of things, Kimmy seems pretty convinced, gliding in starry eyed and eventually spilling the beans to the other girls. DJ — previously Fernando's nemesis on behalf of her bestie — seems okay with it all, too.
That might have to do with her own reason for being starry eyed: Hunky Dr. Matt. We saw this coming from the minute he showed up on screen. After some tequila-fueled flirting at Ramona's birthday, the tension finally came to a head while they were doing "inventory" at the pet clinic on a Saturday night. Or, as we like to call it, "Inventory and Chill."
Hunky Dr. Matt takes a page from the ol' Steve Hale book, blatently lamenting about the fact that he wants to "find a beautiful woman who can de-worm a shitzu." Unlike Steve's advances though, she actually seems to pick up on this, but still plays coy. Hello, Earth to DJ! Someone who isn't stalking you finds your goofy Mom humor endearing. Once dinner ends, she starts to slink out the door, not noticing that she's left her purse on the counter. Matt yells out for her, which she interprets as his When Harry Met Sally moment. Without missing a beat, she runs and jumps in his arms for a big ol' smackeroo. Get it, girl! He pauses in shock for a second, but quickly jolts toward her again for another round. They go their separate ways and that's where it ends, for now, but we're definitely rooting for him over Steve. #TeamMatt
Meanwhile, in kid world, Max narrowly escapes punishment after lying to him Mom about his puppy — whom he was supposed to be training — chewing up the couch cushions. Floored by the lack of consequences and encouraged by his older brother, Jackson, he decides that lying will be his new M.O.
Later that day, he and his gaggle of bros are hanging out upstairs. Didn't that seem like a lot of kids? Maybe his moment of trombone playing fame actually landed him in a ska band! He and a particular bro, Taylor, are having a pissing war over who is cooler. While Max's dog can barely get through a trick, Taylor's dog is trained to get his Dad beers. Max accuses his friend's Dad of being a boozer and it's like, how do you have any friends at all? When Taylor retorts that his Dad is actually a super cool pilot, Max fires back (pun intended) that his Dad was a fireman and lies that he can have a firetruck pick him up whenever he wants. Taylor calls his bluff, telling him to prove it by rolling in to his birthday party in one and Max agrees - even though he doesn't know how.
He seeks out his older brother, begging him for help since Jackson had been on a truck before their dad died. Feeling guilty that Max was in this pickle thanks to his encouragement of lying, he agrees. They head to the fire station with Danny and see one of their Dad's old friends, who informs them that the new fire chief was a lot more strict. Undeterred, they find the Chief McGrumpypants, who promptly shoots them down and kicks their puppy. Well, okay, he didn't kick the puppy, but he might as well have. Their dad died in the line of duty, the least they could do is get to ride on the truck and maybe play with the sirens.
When Danny tries to plead with him, the chief recognizes him from Wake Up San Francisco and an incident where his "singing fireman performance" was thwarted by Danny running out of time and cutting the segment. Way harsh, Dan. As that sunk in, the fire chief got extra angsty, storming off and leaving Max's broken heart shattered in the dust behind him. We hate to say this, but how rude!
The day of the party, Max had resigned to his impending humiliation when his family barges in to let him know his ride had arrived. Puzzled because his ride was supposed to be his Mom, he turns around to see his dad's friend on a fire ladder outside his second-story window. Danny managed to soften the stone heart of the fire chief by finally taping a segment for the singing fireman. The dude won't budge for the surviving children of one of his own, but he'll take a bribe! Max gets his wish, arriving to the party and once again, lying without punishment. #TeamLies
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SHOW ME HOW
Lastly, there was this weird bit. After Cosmo destroys the couch, the girls sensibly decide to get it reupholstered with new fabric. Danny does not take well to this, as this couch had been in the family since the girls were in high school. He gets very sentimental, even taking selfies with it before it went under the knife. Guys, don't forget, it's 2016 and Danny Tanner has a smart phone.
When Stephanie goes to reveal the new fabric, she uncovers a restored couch - same fabric and all. She even took it a step further, presenting Danny with a blazer she had made from the fabric of the original couch. She was asking him for $5 earlier in the episode, but can afford a custom blazer at the end. Are you poor or not, Stephanie? We literally can't tell. In related news: This was the first episode that they did not mention her career as a ~*world-renowned DJ*~. Hallelujah!