Every week we're recapping season two of Fuller House, episode by episode. Through the years we all will be together, if the fates allow!
As we reach the end of the road with the Fuller House crew, they're celebrating the beginning of a new year. DJ is frantically getting ready for Matt's return from his holiday trip to India, and her thirst is palpable. Unfortunately, she's invited over a bevy of people for a New Year's Eve celebration, so every time the doorbell rings, she thinks it's Matt. Although her main squeeze is running late, she has the company of some old stalwarts: Danny, Uncle Jesse, Rebecca, Joey, and Steve.
And oh boy, is Steve in panic mode. He's decided to propose to his girlfriend, CJ, that night at the party. As a man whose brain is in his stomach, he has very little to say other than terms of endearment that involve food (i.e. "angel food cake" and "puddin' pop" for starters; poor CJ). He begs DJ for help pulling it off, which is weird on its own, but especially weird because it will be at her house. However, she is a good friend and agrees to coach him through it.
Later that night, Steve arrives at the party with CJ and her daughter, Rose. He's visibly nervous, and she doesn't have a clue. He corners DJ and asks her to help him practice. They sneak away to the kitchen and Steve can only make it through a sentence at at time. DJ tells him to start from the beginning and he does. However, at that moment, CJ walks in, having missed the context of what's happening. She immediately launches into how she knew he still had feelings for DJ and storms out.
Ouch! DJ tries to get him to explain, but he goes totally silent.
CJ starts packing up to leave when Steve barges in and slides onto one knee. He stares at her a minute, forgetting once again what he needs to say. "I'm blanking. Literally my mind is a burrito," he says (which is hands down the best answer for any question you don't know). He begs DJ to make the speech she's inevitably memorized by now, which sounds a lot like to Stephanie having to sing Fernando's love song to Kimmy at their ill-fated wedding in last season's finale.
DJ, friend-of-the-year, gets down on one knee and finishes his speech and CJ says yes. Meanwhile, Matt walks in about halfway through, understandably confused. "I was only gone for a week!" he exclaims. When Steve and CJ finally kiss, he realizes what happened. He greets his lady love and the crowd around them celebrates.
But two very close-up shots of Steve and DJ staring at each other seems to be telling us that this isn't over yet.
Upstairs, the teenagers are having their own party. Jackson and Ramona have invited over their best friends, Lola and Popko. The former is Jackson's girlfriend, but the latter is Ramona's nemesis. Remember? He posted an unflattering video of Ramona online when she rejected him. The boys are both gunning for a midnight kiss, but it's pretty clear that only one will be so lucky (see: not Popko).
The other obstacle is middle child Max, who is an exceptionally annoying age on top of being a pretty annoying kid in general. He informs them that his mom said they have to let him party with him, and they begrudgingly agree. But they know that they have to find a way to get rid of him or he'll totally ruin the vibe.
When they send him off for some chips and guac, they devise a plan to make him think that it's already midnight long before it is. They fire up a fake Netflix New Year's Countdown, a real-life program that parents can put on at any time to trick their kids into thinking they made it to the New Year. It's evil and genius and we will be using it on all of our future children.
They celebrate at "midnight" and immediately pretend to be tired. They send Max off to sleep in Tommy's room and continue their celebrations without a shred of remorse.
When Max's girlfriend Rose arrives, she runs upstairs to find him fast asleep at 10:30 p.m. She wakes him up and tells him he's been duped. They decide to get revenge by tying a rope between the two bedrooms so they can't open either. It's a pretty great gag that we will also be using on our future children. DJ hears the commotion and cuts them loose, telling the older kids to apologize. The teenagers head downstairs, but Max is still fuming.
Meanwhile, Danny, Joey, and Jesse are outside by the fire pit, celebrating the fact that Jesse and Becky will be picking up their newly adopted daughter who just so happens to live in San Francisco. (How convenient!) They reminisce about how they had a similar celebration nearly 40 years ago(!) when DJ was born.
If that makes you feel old, they most certainly feel older.
Jesse announces that he's chosen Joey to be the godfather of the new baby. Danny is definitely hurt, but Jesse explains that it's because Joey is still raising kids. Danny contends that his girls all turned out great, and his best friends remind him that they played a pretty huge role in raising them. Jesse then decides to give the honor to Danny, but he doesn't want it anymore. Furthermore, he's now offended Joey, who is also mad at him.
They start hurling insults at each other, including how much Danny saved them in rent all those years (true). Joey accuses Jesse of dying his hair (true) and how Jesse hates Joey's woodchuck puppet (also true, for EVERYONE). They are relentless in a way that only people who know each other that well can be.
In the midst of this, Max comes out in a fury, asking for help in his revenge against Jackson, which includes a boat, the Bermuda triangle, and disappearing forever. They explain that those who love you are going to make you mad, but the secret to love is forgiveness. Max takes the lesson to heart and agrees to make up with his brother. It clicks in that moment for all of them, remembering that they make a pretty great team.
Elsewhere in the house, all of the moms and Stephanie are gushing about the new Katsopolis adoption. Becky brags about having "already lost the baby weight," and they all celebrate. Jimmy is also there feeding Baby Tommy. Clearly, the baby fever is contagious, because he casually brings up having a baby with Stephanie.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down there, buddy.
They've been dating for three months (tops) and for a good chunk of that time she was trying to find reasons to not date him. They just recently dropped the L-bomb — and now he's talking babies? BRO.
Furthermore, Stephanie revealed last season that she found out that she's not able to have children, making an already awkward conversation even harder.
She decides to confide in Becky, as she has two grown children of her own alongside this new adopted bundle of joy. She asks if it feels any different this time around. She explains that physically, it's obviously different, but emotionally, it feels the same. She's just as excited and full of hope as the last time. Stephanie shares her infertility, and Becky assures her that she'll make a wonderful mother no matter how it happens.
Stephanie finds Jimmy and tells him that she's not able to have children, to which he replies that he can't either. Yeah, Steph, that's reason number one to not reproduce with this guy. She explains that if they end up together, they'll have to consider other options. As nonchalantly as he brought up the subject, he agrees, as long as they're together.
After they ring in the New Year, the couples all fall asleep outside on the patio furniture for some reason. (Do they really throw down that hard?) They wake up the next morning and are greeted by Jesse and Rebecca's new baby girl. They've named her Pamela, after Danny's late wife/DJ and Steph's mother/Jesse's sister.
We're not crying, YOU ARE.
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As the family gathers to meet Baby Pamela, the she-wolf pack huddles off to the side. They reminisce about their "crazy" evening and how DJ must be relieved since she had planned to pick Matt all along at the beginning of the season. WRONG. It was supposed to be Steve all along.
"I thought after all these years, we should see if we were meant to be," she explains.
She goes on to clarify that it doesn't matter now, because she's happy with Matt. She hollers a very unconvincing and somewhat uncomfortable "hey baby" to him and he acknowledges with a nod. She vows to have her best year yet, but can we trust that this is really resolved?
That's all for season two of Fuller House! Thanks for joining us on this wild ride on the nostalgia train. Goodbye for now!