Gilmore Girls: Here's Every Citizen of Stars Hollow, Ranked

Pictured: The Heart and Soul of Stars Hollow.EXPAND
Pictured: The Heart and Soul of Stars Hollow.
Warner Bros. Television

With Gilmore Girls returning to Netflix this November, we figured it was time to take a closer look at the fictional town of Stars Hollow and the many citizens who live there. While the show itself has always focused on Lorelai and Rory Gilmore, the titular girls, the sleepy Connecticut community’s prominence became a character in its own right.

But the township would not exist if not for the many oddballs who make it up. Some members of the town are more productive than others, and others are more beloved.

We’ve re-watched all seven seasons of the show to properly assemble the definitive ranking of who is the best, who is the worst, and who really isn't that important in the town of Stars Hollow.

A sentient, gaseous lifeform in possession of a knitted sweater, Taylor Doose terrorizes the town as the mayor of Stars Hollow.EXPAND
A sentient, gaseous lifeform in possession of a knitted sweater, Taylor Doose terrorizes the town as the mayor of Stars Hollow.
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67. Taylor
Taylor is, without a doubt, hands down, absolutely, the worst person in Stars Hollow. Whether he’s thirsting for power or lording it over the other townsfolk, Taylor Doose is the actualization of evil plaguing the otherwise-charming Connecticut township.

There are no winners in the battle of Jess versus Dean, but one loser: Rory. High school boyfriends suck.EXPAND
There are no winners in the battle of Jess versus Dean, but one loser: Rory. High school boyfriends suck.
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66. Dean/Jess
While many in the Gilmore fandom continue to debate which of Rory’s boyfriends was her best match, the point of this article is determining where each of Stars Hollow’s citizens rank. Both of these characters are equally shitty. Jess committed destruction of public property, and Dean was a shitty hockey player who deprived the town of a high school championship.

They both suck.

Ew.EXPAND
Ew.
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65. The Troubadour
Get a real job.

64. Harry Porter
He was okay as the mayor, but then Taylor Doose replaced him. By association, he’s terrible.

63. Barbara
Mother of Dean. While a person should be judged by their own merits, Dean’s particular brand of suck is so particular and strong that all those associated with him are tainted. She shares his blood, she nurtured him in to the human he became. She must be held accountable.

62. Liz
On one hand, she is partially responsible for the gross monstrosity that is Jess. On the other hand, she kicked him out for being a no-good piece of shit.

Inept and devoid of manners, Rune barged his way into Stars Hollow and attempted to sabotage Jackson and Sookie's first date.
Inept and devoid of manners, Rune barged his way into Stars Hollow and attempted to sabotage Jackson and Sookie's first date.
Warner Bros. Television

61. Rune
Jackson’s quirky cousin was one of his first weird family members we got to meet when he insulted Lorelai’s height.

60. Pasquale
The unseen shoe repairman of Stars Hollow. Never appears on screen.

59. Mr. Cassini
Married to Mrs. Cassini (see below). Never appears on screen.

58. Mr. Kim
The one-time-mentioned-then-forgotten father of Lane, husband of Mrs. Kim. Never appears on screen.

Sookie and Jackson's kids on the day of their baptism.EXPAND
Sookie and Jackson's kids on the day of their baptism.
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57. Martha
Is interchangeable with #56. One of Sookie and Jackson’s kids.

56. Davey
Is interchangeable with #57. One of Sookie and Jackson’s kids.

Lane and Zack's children were definitely a low point during Season 7 of Gilmore Girls.EXPAND
Lane and Zack's children were definitely a low point during Season 7 of Gilmore Girls.
Warner Bros. Television

55. Steve
Is interchangeable with #54. One of Lane and Zack’s twin children.

54. Kwan
Is interchangeable with #55. One of Lane and Zack’s twin children.

53. Eddy the Mailman
A better mailman than Kirk, but who gives a shit about that?

52. Big Pete
Never seen, casually mentioned by Lorelai. The Petes help run the town nursery.

51. Little Pete
Never seen, casually mentioned by Lorelai. The Petes help run the town nursery.

50. Stan
Formerly known as the oldest man in Stars Hollow, mourned by all.

Look at the Second Town Troubadour keeping his cool while Taylor gets sanctimonious over a farmers market.EXPAND
Look at the Second Town Troubadour keeping his cool while Taylor gets sanctimonious over a farmers market.
Warner Bros. Television

49. The Second Town Troubadour
While he initially almost followed in the path of busking like the shitty town troubadour, he eventually course-corrected and opened a produce stand in the town square in direct competition of Doose’s Market. Fuck Taylor.

48. Rachel
Luke’s ex. She’s all right, she’s just not Stars Hollow material.

47. April
Luke’s daughter? What the hell was this shit anyway?

All hail the bringer of pizza.EXPAND
All hail the bringer of pizza.
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46. Pizza Joe
Constantly delivering pizzas to the Gilmore residence. 

45. Mrs. Gleason
Kirk’s mom, always trying to keep a good Kirk down.

44. Jed
Random townsperson who wears overalls.

43. Jeannie
The town vet helped Babette and Morey’s sick cat.

Andrew probably keeps severed heads in his freezer.EXPAND
Andrew probably keeps severed heads in his freezer.
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42. Andrew
He flipped out on a woman in public because she once went on a date with Liam Neeson. Grow up, Andrew.

41. Lindsay
She married the soulless husk masquerading as a person called Dean.

40. Bootsy
This guy works at the newspaper stand, so at least he keeps Stars Hollow up to date with all of those topical references they casually drop in conversation.

Be gone, friend of Dean.EXPAND
Be gone, friend of Dean.
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39. Todd
One of Lane’s dating misfires, Todd is also friends with Dean. He sucks. But his favorite film is the Charles Groden classic Beethoven, so he does have that going for him.

38. Kyle
This asshole is a friend to the walking crash-test dummy that everyone else likes to call "Dean." They get drunk for his bachelor party and made Luke work late. Kyle is an asshole. And he looks suspiciously like that nerd from the Sandlot.

37. Shane
The scab-eater known as Jess dated Shane for a bit purely to make Rory jealous, showing there is no depth he won’t sink to, no low he won’t meet, to cause misery and pain. Jess only broke up with her after Dean dumped Rory, proof of his creepy opportunism. She is but little more than a hapless tool for Jess to use and cast aside. Poor Shane. We hardly knew ye.

But, like, what ever happened to Froggy anyway?EXPAND
But, like, what ever happened to Froggy anyway?
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36. Froggy
While he was a shitty waiter and busboy at Luke’s Diner — still, he's not Jess. That makes him infinitely better than Jess.

35. Dave
While Dave initially vied for Lane’s affections as guitarist of Hep Alien, the coward broke it off when he moved away to go to college. Lane is the master of long-distance relationships (with Mrs. Kim, every relationship is long distance), but Dave couldn’t cut it. He was replaced in the band by the vastly superior Gil (more on him later).

 

Tobin tries to worm his way between Lorelai and Michel.EXPAND
Tobin tries to worm his way between Lorelai and Michel.
Warner Bros. Television

34. Tobin
The Independence Inn’s night manager is clearly intimidated by Michel, and his hostile demeanor is a toxic presence in the town. He would prey on poor Michel’s insecurities and try to leech his way into Lorelai and Sookie’s lives.

33. TJ
TJ’s place on this list is solely due to the fact that he is not the biological father of the sentient pissbucket known as Jess.

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32. Clara
Unfortunately, she is Dean’s little sister. Normally we’re willing to judge one based on their own merits as a human being. But this is the scum-snorting mouth breather named Dean. Sorry, kid.

31. The Town Loner
This guy tried to stage Stars Hollow’s only protest. He made a huge banner to display from atop the steeple on the town church, which then ripped and fell to the ground before anyone could read what it said. No one ever learned what cause the Loner wanted to support or protest, which is one of the many mysteries fans hope will get solved when the show returns to Netflix.

Alex Borstein and Seth MacFarlane both appear in early episodes of the series. We're not saying that Gilmore Girls is directly responsible for Family Guy, but, hey — you can connect the dots.EXPAND
Alex Borstein and Seth MacFarlane both appear in early episodes of the series. We're not saying that Gilmore Girls is directly responsible for Family Guy, but, hey — you can connect the dots.
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30. Drilla
The Independence Inn’s resident harpist, Drilla, was fierce and condescending. But she was essentially a meaner version of Michel. And there’s only room for one Michel in Stars Hollow.

29. Gil’s son, Alexander
Raised by Gil.

28. Gil’s Wife
Seen making out with Gil.

Look at Tom, giving no fucks about Taylor's finger.EXPAND
Look at Tom, giving no fucks about Taylor's finger.
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27. Tom
The town contractor, Tom oversees many restorations, renovations, and constructions throughout the series. His expertise is vital in restoring the Dragonfly Inn after Lorelai and Sookie purchase it.

26. Caesar
He makes some mean chilaquiles and has an incredible ability to be different people.

Rest in peace.EXPAND
Rest in peace.
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25. Pete the Pizza Guy
Collaborated with Rory to provide Lorelai with the World’s Largest Pizza. Sure, it wasn’t actually the World’s Largest Pizza, but it was a spirited effort and it only happened with Pete’s help. Plus he’s a great actor with an appearance in Kirk’s directorial debut, A Film By Kirk.

Lulu enjoys a nice, quiet dinner at Luke's Diner.EXPAND
Lulu enjoys a nice, quiet dinner at Luke's Diner.
Warner Bros. Television

24. Lulu
Lulu teaches at the elementary school in Stars Hollow. She embodies the kind of optimism and inclusiveness that’s trademark to the small town. And she’s one of the few people who is actually nice to Kirk.

What the hell is Jackson whining about now?EXPAND
What the hell is Jackson whining about now?
Warner Bros. Television

23. Jackson
One of the more neurotic citizens in town (and that’s saying something), Jackson once spent the entirety of an episode scribbling math equations and saying “oh boy” over and over. He provides Stars Hollow with locally sourced, fresh produce. But he has a lot of weird family members plaguing the town, including his creepy bolo tie-wearing brother Beau (portrayed by Nick Offerman).

22. Al
While the proprietor of Al’s Pancake World never appeared onscreen, his impact on the series is immeasurable, providing countless experimental cuisines for the residents. Al’s restaurant is the closest thing to an art gallery Stars Hollow ever had. 

The rabbi and the reverend making Taylor miserable, truly doing the Lord's work.EXPAND
The rabbi and the reverend making Taylor miserable, truly doing the Lord's work.
Warner Bros. Television

21. Reverend Archie Skinner
Is interchangeable with #20. In their first appearance on the show, these two do their best to give that walking shit-statue Taylor an aneurysm for his misguided attempt to squelch a protest in Stars Hollow.

20. Rabbi David Barans
Is interchangeable with #21. 

The boring half of Hep Alien.EXPAND
The boring half of Hep Alien.
Warner Bros. Television

19. Brian
Brian is the lamest member of Hep Alien, but he does help take care of Zack and Lane’s twins when they’re born. 

18. Zack
He’s kind of an asshole, but he becomes a lovable asshole toward the end even if Lane has to give up on her dreams to raise their kids.

Kyon's curiosity amid the weirdness of Stars Hollow provided many humorous moments.EXPAND
Kyon's curiosity amid the weirdness of Stars Hollow provided many humorous moments.
Warner Bros. Television

17. Kyon
The foreign exchange student who took Lane’s room. While she began as a formative youth idealizing Mrs. Kim, Lane’s secular ways eventually swayed her to start expressing her individuality.

16. Fran
She made a bunch of cakes (free of charge) for Lorelai to try for her wedding to Max Medina. She’d be higher on the list if she wasn’t an asshole when she refused to sell the Dragonfly Inn because of some “sentimental attachment” bullshit. Luckily, she died without any heirs or a will, leaving the Dragonfly open for purchase. Sookie and Lorelai made the deal to buy the inn at Fran’s funeral in one of their finer moments on the series. Thanks for the cake, Fran.

15. Morey
Babette’s husband wears sunglasses at night.

Carole King FTW.EXPAND
Carole King FTW.
Warner Bros. Television

14. Sophie Bloom
Played by the legendary Carole King, Sophie Bloom is the proprietor of the music shop in Stars Hollow, Sophie’s Music. She’s kind of an asshole, but Lane Kim manages to worm her way into Sophie’s heart. Sophie then encourages Lane to follow her dreams.

13. Lane
Rory’s best friend has her moments. Her ridiculous schemes to talk with boys or go on dates are a constant headache for Mrs. Kim. But she’s always willing to help out in a pinch and is as loyal to Rory as her own flesh and blood. She filled a few odd jobs around Stars Hollow throughout the series, starting at her mother's antique store, working for Sophie's music shop, and then Luke's Diner, among others.

12. Babette
The 2000s were a different time, and Babette’s frequent comments and suggestions constantly bordered on sexual harassment. We wonder if that shit will fly in the remake. Sally Struthers' portrayal of the Gilmore’s creepy neighbor was always a treat, despite the horrific possibility that people like her actually exist in real life.

11. Mrs. Cassini
She hates Taylor; that’s pretty cool. And when the hippie dude started his own produce stand in the town square, she was one of the first customers to abandon Taylor’s monopoly.

Poor Miss Patty having to put up with Taylor's drunken, worthless, garbage stories.EXPAND
Poor Miss Patty having to put up with Taylor's drunken, worthless, garbage stories.
Warner Bros. Television

10. Miss Patty
When she’s not teaching at her dance studio — which also doubles as the gathering space for town meetings — Miss Patty is teaming with Babette to keep the town informed of all the latest rumors and gossip. 

9. Sookie
Lorelai’s best friend is always there to lend a hand whenever needed. Sometimes her own idiosyncrasies cause more harm than good, but Sookie St. James’ heart is always in the right place.

Gypsy won't take any shit from you, Richard Gilmore.
Gypsy won't take any shit from you, Richard Gilmore.
gilmore-girls-ranking-stars-hollow-best-worst-citizens-

8. Gypsy
Cunning and witty, Gypsy the auto mechanic never passes up an easy mark. If there is one saving grace of the show’s Palladino-less seventh season, it’s the producers giving Gypsy a more prominent role in Stars Hollow. Even though she helped that dickhole Jess, we can forgive this minor infraction.

7. Luke
We could hear some arguments about how Luke should be lower on the list, sure. But consider that Luke, despite being the last to volunteer for anything (and being cranky when he actually does), has contributed to the town’s well-being without having any tangible connection to it. He’s the first to stand up to Taylor, usually with ire, and the first to help out when someone is in a pinch.

He’s helped Lorelai, Rory, Sookie, Kirk, and so many other citizens time and time again. He even gave perennial assbag Jess a place to live when his mom (rightfully) kicked him out.

6. Gil
Gil’s unbridled positivity amid dire circumstances proved that he’s the real deal. Here’s a guy who experienced the world, held it in the palm of his hand, and is now forced to hang out with teenagers who make stink faces at the mere mention of Steely Dan.

He brought experience and wisdom sorely needed in Hep Alien. On top of the rock star factor, he actually contributes to the town’s well-being as a business owner, operating his own sandwich shop in Stars Hollow. And he’s one of the musicians in the township who refuses to busk on the street, making him instant Top 10 material for that fact alone.

Warning: Interaction with Mrs. Kim is known to dissolve a human's spine.EXPAND
Warning: Interaction with Mrs. Kim is known to dissolve a human's spine.
Warner Bros. Television

5. Mrs. Kim
Who doesn’t love Mrs. Kim? Except for maybe Mr. Kim, Grandmother Kim, and maybe sometimes Lane, EVERYONE loves Mrs. Kim. Or they’re too chickenshit to admit otherwise. Either way, hers is a presence that demands respect. Even that shithead Jess cowers in fear of the almighty Mrs. Kim.

The next great listicle: All of Kirk's Jobs, Ranked.EXPAND
The next great listicle: All of Kirk's Jobs, Ranked.
Warner Bros. Television

4. Kirk
There could be an argument for Kirk to be #1 on this list, so let’s get to the reasons why he’s not. In all of Kirk’s odd jobs he’s taken around Stars Hollow, he has never shown proficiency at any of them (aside from, of course, filmmaking — but that’s not practical).

When he was the mailman, he tortured everyone with his “improvisational” approach to sorting. When he helped run Doose’s Market, he chased away trusted customers. And then there are the times he has tried to undercut Luke, whether it be starting his own diner or buying the old Twickham house. They show that his loyalties can easily sway away from friendships.

But that does not change his enduring attitude, his willingness to contribute, his versatility, and his adaptability. Every town needs a Kirk. Too bad there’s only one.

No reasons required.EXPAND
No reasons required.
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3. Rory
Is interchangeable with #3.

2. Lorelai
Is interchangeable with #2.

The heart and soul of Stars Hollow.EXPAND
The heart and soul of Stars Hollow.
Warner Bros. Television

1. Michel
The vapid, insecure, and bitingly witty clerk of the Dragonfly and then the Independence Inns, Michel is the quintessential Stars Hollow citizen and among the show’s greatest characters. Despite his sardonic demeanor, Michel is vain and unsure of himself to the point that his affection for his friends cannot be suppressed, such as when he feels challenged by Tobin’s relationship with Lorelai. He works hard, dances harder, and is good to his mommy — even if he has to pretend to be someone else to do so.

Michel kicks all the asses, and is the model citizen of Stars Hollow.

Correction: This post has been updated from its original version, which erroneously stated that Luke and Rachel had been married. 


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