With Gilmore Girls returning to Netflix this November, we figured it was time to take a closer look at the fictional town of Stars Hollow and the many citizens who live there. While the show itself has always focused on Lorelai and Rory Gilmore, the titular girls, the sleepy Connecticut community’s prominence became a character in its own right.
But the township would not exist if not for the many oddballs who make it up. Some members of the town are more productive than others, and others are more beloved.
We’ve re-watched all seven seasons of the show to properly assemble the definitive ranking of who is the best, who is the worst, and who really isn't that important in the town of Stars Hollow.
Taylor is, without a doubt, hands down, absolutely, the worst person in Stars Hollow. Whether he’s thirsting for power or lording it over the other townsfolk, Taylor Doose is the actualization of evil plaguing the otherwise-charming Connecticut township.
While many in the Gilmore fandom continue to debate which of Rory’s boyfriends was her best match, the point of this article is determining where each of Stars Hollow’s citizens rank. Both of these characters are equally shitty. Jess committed destruction of public property, and Dean was a shitty hockey player who deprived the town of a high school championship.
They both suck.
65. The Troubadour
Get a real job.
64. Harry Porter
He was okay as the mayor, but then Taylor Doose replaced him. By association, he’s terrible.
Mother of Dean. While a person should be judged by their own merits, Dean’s particular brand of suck is so particular and strong that all those associated with him are tainted. She shares his blood, she nurtured him in to the human he became. She must be held accountable.
On one hand, she is partially responsible for the gross monstrosity that is Jess. On the other hand, she kicked him out for being a no-good piece of shit.
Jackson’s quirky cousin was one of his first weird family members we got to meet when he insulted Lorelai’s height.
The unseen shoe repairman of Stars Hollow. Never appears on screen.
59. Mr. Cassini
Married to Mrs. Cassini (see below). Never appears on screen.
58. Mr. Kim
The one-time-mentioned-then-forgotten father of Lane, husband of Mrs. Kim. Never appears on screen.
Is interchangeable with #56. One of Sookie and Jackson’s kids.
Is interchangeable with #57. One of Sookie and Jackson’s kids.
Is interchangeable with #54. One of Lane and Zack’s twin children.
Is interchangeable with #55. One of Lane and Zack’s twin children.
53. Eddy the Mailman
A better mailman than Kirk, but who gives a shit about that?
52. Big Pete
Never seen, casually mentioned by Lorelai. The Petes help run the town nursery.
51. Little Pete
Never seen, casually mentioned by Lorelai. The Petes help run the town nursery.
Formerly known as the oldest man in Stars Hollow, mourned by all.
49. The Second Town Troubadour
While he initially almost followed in the path of busking like the shitty town troubadour, he eventually course-corrected and opened a produce stand in the town square in direct competition of Doose’s Market. Fuck Taylor.
Luke’s ex. She’s all right, she’s just not Stars Hollow material.
Luke’s daughter? What the hell was this shit anyway?
46. Pizza Joe
Constantly delivering pizzas to the Gilmore residence.
45. Mrs. Gleason
Kirk’s mom, always trying to keep a good Kirk down.
Random townsperson who wears overalls.
The town vet helped Babette and Morey’s sick cat.
He flipped out on a woman in public because she once went on a date with Liam Neeson. Grow up, Andrew.
She married the soulless husk masquerading as a person called Dean.
This guy works at the newspaper stand, so at least he keeps Stars Hollow up to date with all of those topical references they casually drop in conversation.
One of Lane’s dating misfires, Todd is also friends with Dean. He sucks. But his favorite film is the Charles Groden classic Beethoven, so he does have that going for him.
This asshole is a friend to the walking crash-test dummy that everyone else likes to call "Dean." They get drunk for his bachelor party and made Luke work late. Kyle is an asshole. And he looks suspiciously like that nerd from the Sandlot.
The scab-eater known as Jess dated Shane for a bit purely to make Rory jealous, showing there is no depth he won’t sink to, no low he won’t meet, to cause misery and pain. Jess only broke up with her after Dean dumped Rory, proof of his creepy opportunism. She is but little more than a hapless tool for Jess to use and cast aside. Poor Shane. We hardly knew ye.
While he was a shitty waiter and busboy at Luke’s Diner — still, he's not Jess. That makes him infinitely better than Jess.
While Dave initially vied for Lane’s affections as guitarist of Hep Alien, the coward broke it off when he moved away to go to college. Lane is the master of long-distance relationships (with Mrs. Kim, every relationship is long distance), but Dave couldn’t cut it. He was replaced in the band by the vastly superior Gil (more on him later).
The Independence Inn’s night manager is clearly intimidated by Michel, and his hostile demeanor is a toxic presence in the town. He would prey on poor Michel’s insecurities and try to leech his way into Lorelai and Sookie’s lives.
TJ’s place on this list is solely due to the fact that he is not the biological father of the sentient pissbucket known as Jess.
Unfortunately, she is Dean’s little sister. Normally we’re willing to judge one based on their own merits as a human being. But this is the scum-snorting mouth breather named Dean. Sorry, kid.
31. The Town Loner
This guy tried to stage Stars Hollow’s only protest. He made a huge banner to display from atop the steeple on the town church, which then ripped and fell to the ground before anyone could read what it said. No one ever learned what cause the Loner wanted to support or protest, which is one of the many mysteries fans hope will get solved when the show returns to Netflix.
The Independence Inn’s resident harpist, Drilla, was fierce and condescending. But she was essentially a meaner version of Michel. And there’s only room for one Michel in Stars Hollow.
29. Gil’s son, Alexander
Raised by Gil.
28. Gil’s Wife
Seen making out with Gil.
The town contractor, Tom oversees many restorations, renovations, and constructions throughout the series. His expertise is vital in restoring the Dragonfly Inn after Lorelai and Sookie purchase it.
He makes some mean chilaquiles and has an incredible ability to be different people.
25. Pete the Pizza Guy
Collaborated with Rory to provide Lorelai with the World’s Largest Pizza. Sure, it wasn’t actually the World’s Largest Pizza, but it was a spirited effort and it only happened with Pete’s help. Plus he’s a great actor with an appearance in Kirk’s directorial debut, A Film By Kirk.
Lulu teaches at the elementary school in Stars Hollow. She embodies the kind of optimism and inclusiveness that’s trademark to the small town. And she’s one of the few people who is actually nice to Kirk.
One of the more neurotic citizens in town (and that’s saying something), Jackson once spent the entirety of an episode scribbling math equations and saying “oh boy” over and over. He provides Stars Hollow with locally sourced, fresh produce. But he has a lot of weird family members plaguing the town, including his creepy bolo tie-wearing brother Beau (portrayed by Nick Offerman).
While the proprietor of Al’s Pancake World never appeared onscreen, his impact on the series is immeasurable, providing countless experimental cuisines for the residents. Al’s restaurant is the closest thing to an art gallery Stars Hollow ever had.
21. Reverend Archie Skinner
Is interchangeable with #20. In their first appearance on the show, these two do their best to give that walking shit-statue Taylor an aneurysm for his misguided attempt to squelch a protest in Stars Hollow.
20. Rabbi David Barans
Is interchangeable with #21.
Brian is the lamest member of Hep Alien, but he does help take care of Zack and Lane’s twins when they’re born.
He’s kind of an asshole, but he becomes a lovable asshole toward the end even if Lane has to give up on her dreams to raise their kids.
The foreign exchange student who took Lane’s room. While she began as a formative youth idealizing Mrs. Kim, Lane’s secular ways eventually swayed her to start expressing her individuality.
She made a bunch of cakes (free of charge) for Lorelai to try for her wedding to Max Medina. She’d be higher on the list if she wasn’t an asshole when she refused to sell the Dragonfly Inn because of some “sentimental attachment” bullshit. Luckily, she died without any heirs or a will, leaving the Dragonfly open for purchase. Sookie and Lorelai made the deal to buy the inn at Fran’s funeral in one of their finer moments on the series. Thanks for the cake, Fran.
Babette’s husband wears sunglasses at night.
14. Sophie Bloom
Played by the legendary Carole King, Sophie Bloom is the proprietor of the music shop in Stars Hollow, Sophie’s Music. She’s kind of an asshole, but Lane Kim manages to worm her way into Sophie’s heart. Sophie then encourages Lane to follow her dreams.
Rory’s best friend has her moments. Her ridiculous schemes to talk with boys or go on dates are a constant headache for Mrs. Kim. But she’s always willing to help out in a pinch and is as loyal to Rory as her own flesh and blood. She filled a few odd jobs around Stars Hollow throughout the series, starting at her mother's antique store, working for Sophie's music shop, and then Luke's Diner, among others.
The 2000s were a different time, and Babette’s frequent comments and suggestions constantly bordered on sexual harassment. We wonder if that shit will fly in the remake. Sally Struthers' portrayal of the Gilmore’s creepy neighbor was always a treat, despite the horrific possibility that people like her actually exist in real life.
11. Mrs. Cassini
She hates Taylor; that’s pretty cool. And when the hippie dude started his own produce stand in the town square, she was one of the first customers to abandon Taylor’s monopoly.
10. Miss Patty
When she’s not teaching at her dance studio — which also doubles as the gathering space for town meetings — Miss Patty is teaming with Babette to keep the town informed of all the latest rumors and gossip.
Lorelai’s best friend is always there to lend a hand whenever needed. Sometimes her own idiosyncrasies cause more harm than good, but Sookie St. James’ heart is always in the right place.
Cunning and witty, Gypsy the auto mechanic never passes up an easy mark. If there is one saving grace of the show’s Palladino-less seventh season, it’s the producers giving Gypsy a more prominent role in Stars Hollow. Even though she helped that dickhole Jess, we can forgive this minor infraction.
We could hear some arguments about how Luke should be lower on the list, sure. But consider that Luke, despite being the last to volunteer for anything (and being cranky when he actually does), has contributed to the town’s well-being without having any tangible connection to it. He’s the first to stand up to Taylor, usually with ire, and the first to help out when someone is in a pinch.
He’s helped Lorelai, Rory, Sookie, Kirk, and so many other citizens time and time again. He even gave perennial assbag Jess a place to live when his mom (rightfully) kicked him out.
Gil’s unbridled positivity amid dire circumstances proved that he’s the real deal. Here’s a guy who experienced the world, held it in the palm of his hand, and is now forced to hang out with teenagers who make stink faces at the mere mention of Steely Dan.
He brought experience and wisdom sorely needed in Hep Alien. On top of the rock star factor, he actually contributes to the town’s well-being as a business owner, operating his own sandwich shop in Stars Hollow. And he’s one of the musicians in the township who refuses to busk on the street, making him instant Top 10 material for that fact alone.
5. Mrs. Kim
Who doesn’t love Mrs. Kim? Except for maybe Mr. Kim, Grandmother Kim, and maybe sometimes Lane, EVERYONE loves Mrs. Kim. Or they’re too chickenshit to admit otherwise. Either way, hers is a presence that demands respect. Even that shithead Jess cowers in fear of the almighty Mrs. Kim.
There could be an argument for Kirk to be #1 on this list, so let’s get to the reasons why he’s not. In all of Kirk’s odd jobs he’s taken around Stars Hollow, he has never shown proficiency at any of them (aside from, of course, filmmaking — but that’s not practical).
When he was the mailman, he tortured everyone with his “improvisational” approach to sorting. When he helped run Doose’s Market, he chased away trusted customers. And then there are the times he has tried to undercut Luke, whether it be starting his own diner or buying the old Twickham house. They show that his loyalties can easily sway away from friendships.
But that does not change his enduring attitude, his willingness to contribute, his versatility, and his adaptability. Every town needs a Kirk. Too bad there’s only one.
Is interchangeable with #3.
Is interchangeable with #2.
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The vapid, insecure, and bitingly witty clerk of the Dragonfly and then the Independence Inns, Michel is the quintessential Stars Hollow citizen and among the show’s greatest characters. Despite his sardonic demeanor, Michel is vain and unsure of himself to the point that his affection for his friends cannot be suppressed, such as when he feels challenged by Tobin’s relationship with Lorelai. He works hard, dances harder, and is good to his mommy — even if he has to pretend to be someone else to do so.
Michel kicks all the asses, and is the model citizen of Stars Hollow.
Correction: This post has been updated from its original version, which erroneously stated that Luke and Rachel had been married.