Jamie Peachey

I Gave Up My Favorite Bar

The most degrading moment in my life was when a peanut bounced off my head in a bar. It led to the only resolution I can remember actually sticking to.

Teakwoods was a great bar. Sports were on, food was served late, and drinks were cheap. It was close to Tempe but light-years away from scenester hell. And it had a floor littered with shells from all the free peanuts. (I can't find evidence that the one I frequented about twice a month for years is still around — but the chain's got a Web site, www.teakwoodstavern.com.)

One night, I was there with a friend when a guy from the booth behind her waved me down. I politely shrugged him off. Then he got weird and stared — for a long time. My intuition flared. I looked straight at him and said, "Hey. Not. Interested." As soon as I broke eye contact, I felt the ping of a peanut bounce off my forehead.


Resolution Guide

I got up and locked onto the first waiter I saw. I felt like an idiot when I said, "Let me talk to a manager. That guy threw a peanut at my head."

Needless to say, the waiter wasn't scandalized.

"Bring the check. We are never fucking coming back again" was my only defense.

On my way out, peanut-thrower walked toward me. As he passed, he smacked his shoulder into mine, the way dudes do when they're ready to throw down.

He wanted to kill me — and worse. The sicko. And Teakwoods would not help me.

I took it personally.

I cried all the way home and it was two years before I set foot in Teakwoods again for a social situation I couldn't avoid. For the record, my one drink tasted like crap.

I've never been back.


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