It's no Nancy-Grace-in-a-parking-lot level of suspense, but the fine Wisconsin judicial system has determined the fate of Gerard Streator, who might have gotten away with al fresco furniture-humpin' last fall if an off-duty cop hadn't been walking past at the time and seen the thrusting.
Officer Ryan Edwards initially thought there was another person in the sofa-manwich, but when Streator jumped up and ran away, Edwards was able to observe that only one human being had been involved, as well as a clear view of Streator's erect penis, according to London's The Daily Mirror -- and the more naked and aroused your genitals are in general, the worse your defense against a charge of public lewdness.
See also: LOVE IS ART: Creating a Painting is Now as Easy as Having Sex on a Canvas (Paint Included) The Most Expensive Sex Toys in the World (NSFW) Have Air Sex
You know this shit happens all the time, and the weird part is seeing it carried through all the way to the penalty phase. When a man loves some furniture but can't maintain a fulfilling relationship with an upholstered honey that has a place of its own, it's just sad to think of him out there hooking up with any old broken-down piece of casual seating on the street corner.
Streator, a 47-year-old hotel worker, pleaded guilty on Monday and was handed a five-month suspended jail sentence, a $243 fine to cover court costs, and a year of probation during which he may not possess any pornography. This, ladies and gentlemen, is a man who needs no pornography, God bless him.
