MIB/23 Is Coming; Here Are 6 Awful Hypothetical Movie Crossovers to Get You Hyped

Don't sit there and act like you won't watch it after the trailer makes you chortle.EXPAND
Don't sit there and act like you won't watch it after the trailer makes you chortle.
Guillaume Paumier/Creative Commons

When we heard Hollywood announced a crossover film between 21 Jump Street and Men in Black, the aptly titled MIB/23, we were a little befuddled. How did they come up with such a foolproof concept? It practically writes itself.

So why stop there? This is the perfect opportunity to kickstart a shit-ton of failing franchises. What do they say in the movies? “When in doubt, reboot.” Not anymore. Now is the age of the crossover.

With that in mind, here are 12 more film franchises that we’d like to see mashed up into six blockbusters — and what those films might entail.

Godzilla in his new stomping ground, the Land Before Time!
Godzilla in his new stomping ground, the Land Before Time!
Photoshop by Evie Carpenter

Godzilla/The Land Before Time
Littlefoot, Sarah, Petri, and the gang reunite for one more adventure, and this time they’re bringing a friend! It’s time for prehistoric fun under the 21st-century sun as your favorite dinosaurs journey through the modern world to save their new pal, Godzilla.

This feisty fire-breather isn’t your normal dinosaur — he’s an metaphor for weaponized nuclear development and unchecked cloning practices. And when his thirst to squelch mankind’s hubris brings him the ire of the United States military, it’s up to Littlefoot and Co. to rescue their murderous friend.

Can they navigate the trail of twisted debris and mangled bodies in time to help Godzilla, or will friendship fail in this stunning tale that movie critic A.O. Scott deems “adequately celluloid”? Welcome to the Land Before Time 19: The Time-Lost Terror of Time Parts 1 and 2.

Nothing, not even death, can stop the Bridget Jones franchise.
Nothing, not even death, can stop the Bridget Jones franchise.
Photoshop by Evie Carpenter

Final Destination/Bridget Jones' Diary
The latest chapter in Bridget Jones’ diary just got ... deadly! A near-death experience on a malfunctioning elevator diverts Ms. Jones from the sweet embrace of death, instead into the arms of Mr. Right.

But was she destined to meet her man, or did she get a second chance she didn’t deserve? Not only does she have to navigate life as a single woman, but she must dodge rickety scaffolding and sleazy ex-boyfriends at every turn.

But when an old friend (played by Hugh Grant) might have the key to saving her life, Bridget must choose between new love or an old flame, a life of danger or quiet nights in. What’s a girl to do? This is Bridget Jones: The Final Chapter.

Who says a Djinn can't have some soul?
Who says a Djinn can't have some soul?
Photoshop by Evie Carpenter

Sister Act/Wishmaster
Whoopi Goldberg is stuck between the Pope and a hot place! Goldberg returns as Delores, back in the arms of mafia-boss boyfriend Vince. But in order to prove her loyalty, she has to off her old friend, the Pope.

Delores wishes she could go back to her old days singing at St. Katherine’s, summoning the evil Djinn (played by Andrew Divoff) to answer her prayers.

But the Djinn doesn’t want to enslave humanity anymore — he wants to sing. But will his old desires rear their demonic heads when Delores urges the Djinn to take care of her mob past? Or will the power of song persevere? It is time for The Wishter Act.

 

Madea's never been one to let it go ... unless the "it" in question is YOUR LIFE.
Madea's never been one to let it go ... unless the "it" in question is YOUR LIFE.
Photoshop by Evie Carpenter

Saw/Tyler Perry’s Madea
Someone got on Madea’s bad side. OH, NO THEY DIDN’T!

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After someone rear-ends the matriarch of the Simmons family, they try to run away. But Madea is not having it, no she isn’t. After paying off a crooked cop to run the guy’s plates, Madea kidnaps him and everyone he loves — and puts them in a death trap!

Does the poor son of a bitch who crossed Madea (played by Tobin Bell) have what it takes to survive? And what about his friends and family? This prequel to the Saw series of films answers many mysteries while adding a new wrinkle to Tyler Perry’s beloved Madea mythos, in Madea’s Saw-tacular Saturday Revenge Plans.

Up-and-coming Steve Martin follows in the footsteps of cinematic giants such as Marky Mark and Even Stevens.
Up-and-coming Steve Martin follows in the footsteps of cinematic giants such as Marky Mark and Even Stevens.
Photoshop by Evie Carpenter

Transformers/Father of the Bride
George Banks’ youngest daughter Megan (born in the ending moments of Part II) dropped a bombshell at her 21st-birthday dinner: She’s getting married! But George doesn’t trust her husband, a grizzled veteran on the run from his past.

When an impromptu camping trip goes wrong, George and his future son-in-law go on the run from a gang of alien invaders. But why do they want George’s Pontiac Trans-Am, the car he wanted to give his daughter for her birthday? And what secret hides under the hood?

Optimus Prime returns to Earth to find his top undercover agent, only to find him in the hands of the earth-man George Banks. Steve Martin gets involved in an intergalactic civil war in the latest crossover blockbuster, The Father of the Bride Meets the Transformers.

The tamest of the John Travolta blackmail footage...
The tamest of the John Travolta blackmail footage...
Photoshop by Evie Carpenter

Look Who’s Talking/Paranormal Activity
This gritty reboot of the Look Who’s Talking franchise springboards off of the classic lore of the Paranormal Activity series!

Single mom Mollie has her hands full. After she hires a new babysitter from Craigslist, she returns home from a date to find Mikey speaking in tongues.

Late-night visions drive Mollie to seek out hapless taxi driver James, who doesn’t realize he is the key to relieving her son of the demonic affliction. It’s a race against time, and the demon lord Ålgrüzøn in the movie event of the Halloween season, Look Who’s Talking: Origins.


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