Neck Tattoos: A How-To Approach (We're Looking at You Chris Brown)
Let's be honest, Chris Brown isn't exactly the king of good decisions. If anything, he's like the O.J. Simpson of Pop in that you're constantly wondering what he'll get away with next.
On the heels of Brown's most recent FAIL (a neck tattoo, which at first glance looks suspiciously like a certain battered ex-girlfriend but upon some clarification from Brown's reps, is actually a half sugar skull woman that Chris stole from a Mac Makeup ad), we've compiled a short (and presumably common sense) list of neck tattoo- what-not-to-do's.
5. Your Body is a Wonderland
The All-Star Comedy Explosion
TicketsSat., Apr. 15, 8:00pm
An American in Paris
TicketsTue., Apr. 18, 7:30pm
Rancho Solano Preparatory School: Fiddler on the Roof Jr.
TicketsThu., Apr. 27, 7:00pm
Beauty and the Beast by Ballet Etudes
TicketsSat., Apr. 29, 2:00pm
Thunder From Down Under
TicketsThu., May. 4, 8:00pm
Ask yourself: "Is there anywhere else on my body that I could put this permanent and clearly necessary piece of art?"
Obviously there are worse places to have a tattoo than your neck, like your face or your butthole. But there also numerous parts of your anatomy that are much more conducive to having a tattoo than your neck- parts that are easily concealable, less painful, and less likely to lose their elasticity with time.
Courtesy Photobucket user: skybluetoys
4. Temporary Tattoos - Not Just for Kids
The beauty of temporary tattoos is that you can put yourself in Chris Brown's shoes - wait, let's rephrase that. Temporary tattoos give you something that Chris Brown doesn't have time for in his fast-paced, high-kicking, neck-tattooing life, which is reflection. Give yourself a few days with a fifty cent, vending machine tattoo and see if your life is vastly improved or if you'd like to revisit the drawing board.
3. Weigh Your Employment Options
Hey, remember your job- you know, that thing that helps you pay for said tattoos? Consider how welcoming your boss will be to a new piece of neck art and then consider whether or not your cool with wearing turtlenecks indefinitely to your corporate day job. Then again, on the positive side, this neck tattoo may be just the motivation you were looking for to refine your resume.
2. Don't Risk Your Neck
Do not cut corners when it comes to getting a neck tattoo. Discounted body art is fine when it's a foot, an ankle, or any small piece of flesh that could easily be fixed with a Sharpie marker or a wristband. But your neck deserves the full attention of you and your tattoo artist. After all it's going to be getting the full attention of everyone around you.
1. Avoid Battery Body Art
If you have a history of domestic violence, just forgo the dead chick on your neck. Yeah it's a conversation starter, but it's how some of your conversations end that really frightens us (I'm looking at you, Brown).
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