No Durex, We Don't Need a Condom Emoji

Let's leave condoms off of our phones, shall we?EXPAND
Let's leave condoms off of our phones, shall we?

There are a lot of things we need in this world, but a condom emoji isn’t one of them. International condom brand Durex believes we need one, and is taking the necessary steps to get one made.

Look, Durex, we get it. It’s in your best interest for a condom design to be added to the keyboard of the million other useless emojis (and the dozen or so useful ones). Even just suggesting it is great marketing to remind people that you’re the biggest prophylactics brand not named after an ancient nationality (or a war, a wooden horse, USC, etc.), but is it really going to make people use protection more — or in a smarter way?

For starters, does anyone really use all of the emojis consistently? Probably not. There are the 10 to 20 you use all the time, while the rest take a few minutes to find anytime you need them (and then there’s the few dozen that you have no idea what they are, what seems like an endless amount of flags, and some random geometric shapes thrown in for good measure.

Roughly 95 percent of the time, you’re better off using words anyway, because emojis can be limiting and confusing even in casual conversation. Frankly, maybe we should be looking at removing some of the lesser-used emojis rather than adding more.

Very few people (see: the extremely religious and/or extremely ignorant) argue against the merit of condoms, but that doesn’t mean we all need a constant digital reminder on our phone. If we add a condom emoji, what began with the much-desired middle finger emoji could soon lead to other adult emojis.

Birth control pills would pretty much be a necessity, but then do we draw the line there or move on to naked body parts and/or sexual acts? Start down that rabbit hole, and you’ll have parents calling for locked emoji keyboards in no time.

On top of everything else, how would a condom emoji even teach people to use one properly?

Unless you’re going to make step-by-step emojis of how to put a condom on (don’t forget to pinch the tip), people are still going to run into plenty of problems with breakage and not knowing when/how to use them. Just because we have needle, gun, and knife emojis doesn’t mean people are now using those things more appropriately, and all of those things are far more deadly

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So no, Durex, we don’t need an emoji condom. Kind of like how an emoji should never be the word of the year, an emoji isn’t really necessary for something you either practice or don’t, like safe sex.

Plus, it’d make “I don’t have an (or didn’t update my) iPhone, so I couldn’t see the emojis” one more excuse guys have for not bringing protection.

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