For the athletes competing in the fifth annual Firebird Triathlon, this Sunday, September 26, the waters of Firebird Lake may present a formidable obstacle. After all, whole flotillas of speedboats have raced through its waters over the years, possibly leaving gallons of petroleum (not to mention whatever bodily fluids skinny-dipping Compton Terrace concertgoers may have deposited). Well, potential duathletes/triathletes, if you're fearing an ecological nightmare, don't worry. Organizers assure us that the lake has been "tested to meet federal water quality standards" and will be "completely safe" for the 1,000-yard (for the duathlon) or two-mile (for the triathlon) swim portions of the event, followed by a 15-mile bike ride and four-mile run. Besides, those jet boats are powered by automobile-like engines and vent their exhaust into the air. Youth events also will take place. Race time is 6:30 a.m. Firebird International Raceway is located at 20000 South Maricopa Road in Chandler. Register at www.tucsonracing.com. -- Benjamin Leatherman
Girls Rock the Boys
Chase that hottie up the wall
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Find yourself between a rock and a hard body this Friday, September 24, when "Love on the Rocks Singles Night" swings into AZ on the Rocks, 16447 North 91st Street in Scottsdale. No, uh, experience necessary. Join the social climbers from 7 to 10 p.m. for $20, including gear. See www.azontherocks.com. -- Jill Koch
Stupid Miz as Stupid Does
See some staged carnage at the Sets
He traded the "reality" of MTV's The Real World for the "reality" of professional wrestling. Mike "The Miz"(guided) throws down at The Sets, 93 East Southern in Tempe, this Tuesday, September 28. The scheduled acts of violence start at 7:30 p.m.; cover is $5. See www.impactzonewrestling.com. -- Jill Koch