Real Steel: Hugh Jackman Can't Beat These Five Ass-Kicking Robots
Hugh Jackman in Real Steel
Yes, I really do think Real Steel looks like a Hollywood adaptation of the 1964 toy Rock'em Sock'em Robots. Halfway through the trailer, I half expected to see Hugh Jackman's mechanical counterpart uppercut his opponent's block right off his shoulders with a white, clanking spine piece still protruding from the body.
A faulty, robot-fighting premise aside, this flick stars Hugh Jackman (aka Wolverine), which is probably enough to get me to see the film and just maybe enough to see the Real Steel Robot Roadshow Tour coming to Chase Field this Wednesday.
This tour will give would-be Real Steel fans a chance to meet Atom (the film's protagonist with artificial intelligence) and Noisy Boy (an opponent bot with a 38 miles-per-hour max punch speed).
The event runs from 4 to 8 p.m., and if you see me there, expect to hear some serious trash-talking about the film's robots. A 38 mile-per-hour punch is nothing compared to these five robots who could definitely kick Hugh Jackman and his big robot's collective robot-fighting ass.
First, check out the competition. Below is Jackman and his robot in Real Steel:
It seems unlikely that the trash compactor-shaped robot from theStar Wars
The All-Star Comedy Explosion
TicketsSat., Apr. 15, 8:00pm
An American in Paris
TicketsTue., Apr. 18, 7:30pm
Rancho Solano Preparatory School: Fiddler on the Roof Jr.
TicketsThu., Apr. 27, 7:00pm
Beauty and the Beast by Ballet Etudes
TicketsSat., Apr. 29, 2:00pm
Thunder From Down Under
TicketsThu., May. 4, 8:00pm
series could take anyone in a fight, and that's exactly what makes him so deadly. He can shock your circuits with his built-in Taser. He has a jet pack to help him deftly avoid blows. Best of all, he has the infallible ability to always come out on top no matter the circumstances. He also rolls a mean bowling ball.
4. Mazinger Z
Mazinger Z is all about the accessories. What's thatReal Steel
bot? You say you've got a mean hook? Mazinger Z's got a rocket punch. If that doesn't take you down, he'll rain robot fire on your from his chest plates.
3. Mobile Suit Gundam
Here's what to do if you run into a Gundam: don't. In general, anything lucky enough to spot a Gundam is only moments away from white-hot death in the form of a beam rifle blast. Train all you want, it's not going to help you best a war machine equipped with a nuclear reactor and a pair of beam sabers.
Voltron is a massive, humanoid robot (loved by good, feared by evil) composed of five robot lions. Its achilles heel is that its pilots will always, always attempt to beat you in lion mode first. Ultimately, evenReal Steel's
robots stand a chance as the lions are pretty easy to pick off one at a time. Once they combine to form Voltron, you can bet that a deadly swing from a blazing sword is only moments away.
1. Space Runaway Ideon
All you really need to know about Space Runaway Ideon is that it comes equipped with a weapon called the Black Hole Cannon. The gun actually creates black holes. Is this the nuclear option of giant robot battle tactics? Quite possibly. So go ahead and throw some punches, Hugh Jackman, knowing that you're a paper cut on the surface of a machine capable of destroying your entire solar system.
401 E. Jefferson St.
Phoenix, AZ 85004-2438
Get the Arts & Culture Newsletter
Find out about upcoming performances, exhibitions, openings and special events happening in the Phoenix art and theater scene.