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The 7 Creepiest Nutcrackers on Etsy

Nutcrackers: Cute for Christmas or totally creepy? When it comes to these seven, the answer is definitely just creepy.
Nutcrackers: Cute for Christmas or totally creepy? When it comes to these seven, the answer is definitely just creepy.
D&S McSpadden via Flickr

Way back when, nutcrackers actually served a purpose besides being quite possibly the creepiest of all holiday decorations. And as such you can bet there's a heated debate between those who see them as a Christmas decorating staple and those whose dreams are haunted by wooden dolls with massive crunching teeth. You can guess which side of the fence we fall on -- and in case you're still on the fence, here are seven examples of why nutcrackers are the creepiest of all Christmas traditions.

See also: 11 Must-See Holiday Light Displays in Metro Phoenix

7. Skullcracker

5" Skullcracker Nutcrackers! ($14.49)
5" Skullcracker Nutcrackers! ($14.49)

Because nothing says, "holiday cheer," like a blood-soaked skeleton hanging from the Christmas tree. We know zombies are trendy and all but it doesn't make this 'cracker any less creepy.

6. Seraphina The Victorian Nutcracker

Seraphina The Victorian Nutcracker Handcrafted by Brenda ($25)
Seraphina The Victorian Nutcracker Handcrafted by Brenda ($25)
TatsGramsDelights on Etsy

Though this nutcracker is one of the more affordable on this list, we're not sure we'd want to have Seraphina grinning at us from the mantel. Plus she reminds us a little too much of Dolores Umbridge.

 

5. Ancient Mexican Nutcracker

Ancient Mexican Nutcracker Hand Painted Original ($160)
Ancient Mexican Nutcracker Hand Painted Original ($160)

The lack of proper eyes on this Nutcracker gives us the sneaking suspicion that he's staring way too deep into our souls this Christmas.

4. Health Care Kurt Adler

Vintage Dr Physician Doctor Wood Nutcracker Wooden Nut Cracker Health Care Kurt Adler ($20)
Vintage Dr Physician Doctor Wood Nutcracker Wooden Nut Cracker Health Care Kurt Adler ($20)

"Let's play doctor," suggests this creepy health care-inspired Christmas creation. Only problem is the last thing we would want this bearded angry guy doing is any sort of caring.

3. Katana-cracker

Zombie Nutcracker Horror Doll Figure with Katana Sword Christmas Decoration Zombie Hunter ($69.99)
Zombie Nutcracker Horror Doll Figure with Katana Sword Christmas Decoration Zombie Hunter ($69.99)
Oddsurd on Etsy

This cheery nutcracker comes armed with a katana -- which is not at all the same as your average solider nutcracker's regular sword. It's much more menacing. Also, he's part of a gang.

 

2. Wood Gnome Nutcracker

Nutcracker from Norway, wood gnome ($79)
Nutcracker from Norway, wood gnome ($79)
CodDiva on Etsy

Not only does this nutcracker lack a body, it's modeled after some type of winking gnome. We think they were going for Nordic charm and landed somewhere between evil elf and talking tree.

1. Kidnapping Santa Claus

Handmade wooden Santa Claus nutcracker ($175)
Handmade wooden Santa Claus nutcracker ($175)
ARTBYBART on Etsy

We're not quite sure why this Santa is pulling a screaming human being out of his sack of "toys" -- but we are sure the mental image is going to haunt our Christmas Eve dreams for the rest of our lives.

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