Father's Day is Sunday, and because we at Jackalope Ranch can think of nothing sexier than a man willing to change a diaper, see the Wiggles, and sing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider," we've compiled a list of our five favorite FILFs; fathers we'd like to... y'know.
The Rocker: Josh Homme Queens of the Stone Age frontman Josh Homme has all the makings of a rocker FILF: sexy serenading vocals, multi-instrumental skills, and of course kids, Camille and Orrin (bonus points for giving his offspring names that are hip without being totally hipster).
See Also: Le Slip Français Presents Indomitable, a New Line of Scented Men's Underwear Top Five Reasons Why Butt-Wipes for Men Will Never Catch On; Dollar Shave Club Marketing Peppermint-Scented Wipes in Viral Video
But his wife, Brody Dalle, former frontwoman of The Distillers and now Spinnerette, is enough reason for any woman to think twice about pursuing any adulterous endeavors. Seriously, she'll cut a bitch.
The Comedian: Jon Stewart So what if he's the same height as you (or shorter). At 5 feet 6 inches tall this political satirist, actor, writer and producer has enough charisma to win over any woman with a decent funny bone. Alas, this wise guy is already taken by wife Tracey Lynn McShane with whom he has two kids, Nathan and Maggie.
The Athlete: David Beckham After seeing this soccer star's underwear modeling portfolio, we have a feeling he could sell the shit out of a BabyBjörn. His seemingly airbrushed abs, numerous tattoos, and wily grin are enough to make you overlook his boyish cockney accent and, oh yeah, his wife, Victoria Beckham, who, to be fair, could easily be missed given her size. The two have four children with the unfortunate legal names Brooklyn, Romeo, Cruz, and Harper.
The Activist: Matt Damon It's becoming clear that Matt Damon can do no wrong. The Oscar-winning screenwriter, actor, and producer is also a prominent philanthropist who supports numerous charity organizations and campaigns including Water.org for which he made the recent toilet strike video. Humorous, humble and a father of four with wife Luciana Barroso, Matt Damon is that rare breed of down-to-Earth human being in Hollywood.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
The Hip-Hop Mogul: Jay-Z Let's face it, Jay-Z is practically U.S. royalty. The man has his hands in more business ventures than we can keep track of, he's one of most successful hip-hop artists in history, and can apparently go to Cuba whenever he damn well pleases.
Of course while all of Jay-Z's accomplishments are indeed exceptional, admittedly, the best part of this FILF fantasy is just pretending that we're Beyoncé.