Wednesday, April 4, 2012 |
4 years ago
We know, we know -- don't mess with a pregnant woman.
Truth is, when you're pregnant you get a bright and shiny universal green light. Want to snack on raw potatoes and boiled carrots? Go for it. Want to watch terrible pregnancy television shows and create a Pinterest board
dedicated to your future special someone? We doubt anyone will question your authority.
But when practicing the latter, there are a few things we'd rather not see. In fact, since you're bound to subject your friends, coworkers, and social media networks to an endless amount of information about you and your stomach, we've come up with five simple things to avoid. (Please.)
5. The Pregnancy Triptych
Pregnancy is exciting -- and exhausting -- and what better way to warn your friends and family that you'll be a little out of commission for the next nine months than to warn them with a simple pregnancy announcement? Cute. It really is. But what's not is compiling a timelapse of your pregnancy test, bump time, and baby three frames. Pictures of the baby? Bring 'em on. Pictures of the plastic device you peed on? Not so much.
Martinis are awesome. Pregnancy is awesome. But the two don't go well together. Hence the Preggatini, a "family friendly" mocktail with no booze. Here's an idea: put it in a juice glass and call it what it is. There's no glory in fake-drinking for two.
3. Maternity Pinups
They say there's a glow pregnant women emit during their nine or so months of pain and glory. And yes, it's smart to take advantage of the only time in your life when the light actually makes your skin look great. But before you get all sexy and get your "come hither" look on for the camera, consider the baby who clearly had no say in the photo, and the grown-up baby who will have to see that picture at the back of his/her baby book when you drag it out on Prom Night... ("Oh! I didn't remember taking those!" Flip. Flip.)
2. Baby v. Fruit
It's nice to tell your friends that your baby is the size of a grapefruit, a cantaloupe, or a large, seedy watermelon -- it gives us a better mental image of what's inside of you. Wait, that's exactly it. We know what's in there, we can't wait for it to come out, but now we're a little creeped out by thinking about a pomegranate bouncing around in your fluidy insides. Let's just keep it to, "Yep, I'm pregnant."
1. Your "Pregnant" Other
Follow Jackalope Ranch on Facebook and Twitter and Pinterest.