The Seven Dumbest Phone Apps You Can Download Right Now

The Seven Dumbest Phone Apps You Can Download Right Now
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Safe to say, cell phones have come a long way in a relatively short amount of time (just ask JJ the King of Beepers). And with the rise of smart phones in the mobile market, there has been a superfluous influx of their application counterparts.

But between checking your email, and popping your friends' virtual zits, we quickly crossed the line between essential and asinine. And while we may be guilty of playing a game of Words with Friends here and there, we can at least say we've never downloaded any of the following:

7. Knocked App

This newly developed program from Australia is already causing uproar with groups such as Sexual Health and Family Planning Australia. So right off the bat, we were intrigued. Basically, the app allows you to see what your friend, guy or girl, would look like pregnant. You can even share your pregnant self on social networks to scare mom, dad, and long-distance lovers.

The Seven Dumbest Phone Apps You Can Download Right Now
Apple App Store

6. Cry Translator

The cry translator helps uninspired parents understand the needs of their newborn. By holding the phone up to your baby when he or she is crying, the app will supposedly tell you what's bothering the child (i.e hungry, tired, needs a diaper change) and then give you suggestions on what to do. Oh what did parents do before smartphones?

The Seven Dumbest Phone Apps You Can Download Right Now
Apple App Store

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5. OSHA Heat Safety Tool

Developed by the United States Department of Labor, the OSHA Heat Safety Tool lets outdoor workers and their supervisors know when they are at risk in the heat. The app calculates outside temperatures into common sense, listing out precautions to take, symptoms to watch out for, and emergency measures that need to be taken when you've ignored the first two.

So when those beet red workers start dropping like flies, you can check with your app to see if it's too late to start passing out Gatorade.

The Seven Dumbest Phone Apps You Can Download Right Now
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4. Stressed Sense

Technology certainly has its place to evaluating things such as blood pressure, fertility, and many other bodily mysteries. But the day that your personal assessment skills fall short of being able to detect when you're stressed and you find yourself turning to your mobile device for verification, is the day computers win (purely by human forfeit).

 

The Seven Dumbest Phone Apps You Can Download Right Now
Apple App Store

3. VIP Black

Launched in 2011, VIP Black is an app for the one percenters. For the mere price of $999.99, app users can gain access to exclusive luxuries through participating businesses. But before you can book your private yacht or get priority booking at that five star restaurant, you have to meet the VIP qualifications. That's right, in order to obtain the premium features of this millionaire app you have to actually prove you are one.

The Seven Dumbest Phone Apps You Can Download Right Now
Apple App Store

2. Hold On

If you think this app has anything to do with adding elevator music to your call waiting, you better take those assumptions and lower them. In the Hold On app, a button appears in the middle of the screen. Once you press your finger down on that button, a timer at the top of the screen activates. The whole point of the game is to see how long you can keep your finger on that button - minutes, hours, possibly days.

If only that app could tell you just how much radiation you've absorbed since you starting gripping that phone.

The Seven Dumbest Phone Apps You Can Download Right Now
Google Play

1. Throw Your Phone

Despite what this app tells you to do, don't do it. While the game itself is free and can measure points by how much airtime your phone gets, it does not serve as a valid excuse for a replacement device and at any of your local service providers.

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