Whiskey Dick: Yep, It's Booze-Flavored Lube
You can thank the food fanatics at Epic Meal Time -- they're the reason your significant other/random friend-with-benefits/one-night-stand is totally excited to see you.
It might have sounded like a good idea at the time; The whiskey-flavored and -scented lube is a totally great way to kick off the evening -- especially when you've already shot a few back and don't mind your romp in the sheets smelling like the dive bar down the street.
Described as the "gold standard of booze-flavored massage oils," Whiskey Dick supposedly won a Triple Gold Medal Award at the 10th annual Great American Sex & Drinking Festival in Bean Station, Tennessee. (Quick Note: No evidence of this festival actually exists, therefore Arizona, now is your chance.)
The pocket-sized tube is most likely what he grabbed thinking you'd definitely dig the taste (as opposed to the potentially much more successful margarita, pina colada, or strawberry daiquiri flavors) and the goosebump-ridden flashbacks to the shot of Jaegermeister Lime you poorly decided to take right before the stumble home.
Whiskey Dick is purchasable in one, three, and six-packs for $11.99, $33.99, and $55.99 -- a small price for a "guaranteed velvety-smooth finish."
Given, of course, he's not suffering from the blurry-eyed ailment with the same name.
Get the Arts & Culture Newsletter
Find out about upcoming performances, exhibitions, openings and special events happening in the Phoenix art and theater scene.