Why Your Santa Hates You
Santa doesn't really hate you, but he's damn bored.
It's not easy to get Santa to throw down. In fact, we had to talk to more than one not-so-jolly St. Nick to get the true story of what it's like to hang with a bunch of puking, snot-nosed brats and overbearing parents, all December long.
The first Santa we chatted up - an older chap who worked at Valley malls for four or five years til his Mrs. Claus made him quit to hang out with the grandchildren - complained about hours in the beauty salon, dying his (real) gray beard white. And he says his back is shot from heaving kids onto his knee. But he had nary a bad word for either the kids or the parents. What a party pooper.
Luckily we found the real deal - a Santa with complaints. Truth be told, even this guy - a youngster who pads with pillows and dons a fake beard - says he loves his seasonal gig, testing his skills as an actor by staying character for hours (and hours and hours).
The All-Star Comedy Explosion
TicketsSat., Apr. 15, 8:00pm
An American in Paris
TicketsTue., Apr. 18, 7:30pm
Rancho Solano Preparatory School: Fiddler on the Roof Jr.
TicketsThu., Apr. 27, 7:00pm
Beauty and the Beast by Ballet Etudes
TicketsSat., Apr. 29, 2:00pm
Thunder From Down Under
TicketsThu., May. 4, 8:00pm
Puke. A lot of little kids puke. You've got to be really careful. Usually it's just a little -- then you roll with it. If it's a lot, I've gotta say, hey, time out! It's not good to get puked on when you're wearing a Santa suit -- I have limited mobility and I'm wearing mittens. But on the bright side, if you barf on me, I have a story to tell. It is surreal, I think to myself: They throw up on me and I promise I'm going to buy them presents.
Find out what else bugs Santa after the jump.
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