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2006 Stories by Gustavo Arellano

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  • Special "Best-Of" Edición

    published December 28, 2006

    The Mexican is currently inside a trunk trying to sneak back into the United States after the Christmas holiday. Meanwhile, here are some... More >>

  • People Have Sex; Nouns Have Gender

    published December 21, 2006

    I'm a Spanish-language student struggling with tenses and the gender of nouns. The other day, some friends and I were discussing street slang,... More >>

  • Too Much Sexy

    published December 14, 2006

    It seems that whenever Chicano professors want to show off their mexicanidad, they wear a guayabera. In fact, I saw a... More >>

  • Bugs and Basques

    published December 7, 2006

    I was flipping through my television when I noticed the Spanish-language channel showed a man in a red suit with yellow pants, antennae on his... More >>

  • One big, drunk, Catholic family

    published November 30, 2006

    Dear Readers: Many kind, drunken words from ustedes regarding my November 16 column proclaiming Mexicans and Irish "brothers in... More >>

  • Balls on the Tree

    published November 23, 2006

    Can you tell me the meaning of the word "aguacate"? All I know about this delicious fruit is that it originated on this continent.... More >>

  • A Chicken in Every Pot of Gold

    published November 16, 2006

    My fiancé is trying to learn Spanish so he can speak to my grandmother when we get married next month. Lately, he's been listening to CNN... More >>

  • Baile of Rights

    published November 9, 2006

    Not long ago, I attended a Los Tigres del Norte concert at a small hall with no dance floor. The people attending were supposed to sit down and... More >>

  • Playing the Percentages

    published November 2, 2006

    A friend says she read somewhere that only 20 percent of Mexican men will go down on their ladies. I don't believe that. Can you "spread" some... More >>

  • Playing the Percentages

    published November 2, 2006

    A friend says she read somewhere that only 20 percent of Mexican men will go down on their ladies. I don't believe that. Can you "spread" some... More >>

  • Hairy Neighborhoods

    published October 26, 2006

    It's hard out here for a brotha! First, we had to deal with those pieces of shit called the KKK and their supporters. Now we have to deal with... More >>

  • Beyond the Pale

    published October 19, 2006

    Whenever I hear people whistling at each other across the street to communicate, it hardly ever seems to be a gabacho,... More >>

  • A Salute to the Working Man

    published October 12, 2006

    How can you explain the disparity between Japan and Mexico? Japan is a nation a fraction the size of Mexico, with zero natural resources,... More >>

  • In for a Bean, in for a Burrito

    published October 5, 2006

    I got a bumper sticker at a street fair in Mexico that was a play on the "Hecho en México" export logo with the eagle graphic. Mine... More >>

  • Making Babies

    published September 28, 2006

    I have a stupid, unemployed, 16-year-old gang-bangin' cousin who already dropped out of school, and I'm pretty sure most Mexicans are related... More >>

  • Border Cross

    published September 21, 2006

    I am a gabacho who is dating a spicy little seņorita. We're going to Mexico so I can meet her father and his side of the family. I'm a ra... More >>

  • History Creating Itself

    published September 14, 2006

    I see Jews, Asians and Persians making something of themselves and conducting safe, walkable communities. Of course they're not perfect, but I... More >>

  • Wet Kisses

    published September 7, 2006

    My gabacha friends and I marched in the May pro-amnesty rallies and wanted to show our support on our chests as well as... More >>

  • Special Mother Edicíon

    published August 31, 2006

    I heard that Mexicans at an Orange County candy factory think they saw the Virgin Mary in a pile of melted chocolate. Why do Mexicans always... More >>

  • It's Plain the Terrain Mainly Pertains to Spain

    published August 24, 2006

    What's with Mexican-Americans who live in New Mexico claiming they're Spanish and not Mexican? Many actually get angry and combative if you ask... More >>

  • Bad Carbs

    published August 17, 2006

    Why do Mexicans forget about great beers like Tecate, Negra Modelo, and Bohemia and start drinking swill like Bud Light when they come to the... More >>

  • Race, Sex, and Other Trivial Matters

    published August 10, 2006

    My July 20 column advising Enamorada Gabacha to improve her relationship with the Mexican who invaded her heart by giving him "an old-school... More >>

  • Cinema Paradoxical

    published August 3, 2006

    The last two movies I attended were rated R. Sitting around me were Mexican families with very young children. Why do Mexicans bring their... More >>

  • Absentee Ballad

    published July 27, 2006

    The Mexican presidential elections have been a freaking mess. I voted for the conservative candidate, Felipe Calderón, who almost... More >>

  • Can You Hair Me Now?

    published July 20, 2006

    I just don't get Mexicans and their grooming. The men slick their hair with baby oil, gel or Vaseline, or just shave it all off. The women wear... More >>

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