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2007 Stories by Gustavo Arellano

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  • Caste of Whiners

    published December 20, 2007

    U.S.A. citizens are sick and tired that for more than 40 years, Latin American elites have lived like monarchs because they pimp their poor to... More >>

  • Motor City, Mab Men

    published December 13, 2007

    I'm sad that there aren't more Mexicans here in the Detroit area. We're one of the few areas in the country that is predominately Catholic.... More >>

  • Who Moved My Queso Amarillo?

    published December 6, 2007

    I was born in beautiful El Paso, and my parents are from Juaritos. I always wondered why Mexican restaurants en los Estados Unidos use... More >>

  • Meet the Padres

    published November 29, 2007

    With a scant four weeks before I cram my mochila with a few clothes for me and a horde of presents (read: bribes) for my future... More >>

  • You Can Call Us Gabachos . . .

    published November 22, 2007

    What's the deal with Spanish-language car dealership commercials that feature bikini-clad porn star-wanna-bes copulating with used cars? I just... More >>

  • Oh, Beautiful, for Spacious ERs

    published November 15, 2007

    Is Lou Dobbs right when he says that close to 80 hospitals in California have been closed down because of the illegals, or is he... More >>

  • The Race Card Is an Ace Card

    published November 8, 2007

    I like to think that Iím an open-minded sorta guy for a teenager. I fervently oppose racial stereotypes, though I do think that theyíre go... More >>

  • Sugar Skulls and Frog Tails

    published November 1, 2007

    How do I go to the Mexican grocery store and bakery to buy supplies for our Día de los Muertos party without looking like I'm doing the... More >>

  • Not With My Daughter?

    published October 25, 2007

    Why do so many of my peers assume I must have low self-esteem just because Iím dating a Mexican guy? I finally found someone with my sam... More >>

  • They Want an Arm and a Leg

    published October 18, 2007

    What is it with the Mexican hang-up on body parts? When General Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna was struck by a cannonball at the knee in one of... More >>

  • Lard of the Fries

    published October 11, 2007

    We were in a restaurant the other day eating some refried beans and green chili, when I overheard some gringos in the next booth making fun of... More >>

  • Writing on the Wall

    published October 4, 2007

    Iím a minority, and I know we can be overly sensitive sometimes, but I just canít stand Carlos Mencia. Not only are his jokes asinine, but... More >>

  • Get Schooled

    published September 27, 2007

    After the great migration of Jews to this nation, a question was posed: "How long does it take a Jew to go from being a street sweeper to... More >>

  • To Half and To Whole

    published September 20, 2007

    Dear Readers: A couple of weeks ago, I asked half-breeds to write in with nicknames that describe their mixed Mexican heritage.... More >>

  • Savage Sombrero

    published September 13, 2007

    I am addressing this to both ¡Ask a Mexican! and Savage Love, hoping one of you will have an answer to this: Why do Mexican chicks yell... More >>

  • "A new line of Speedy Gonzalez clothing . . ."

    published September 6, 2007

    A new line of Speedy Gonzalez clothing came out earlier this year. As a black vendor in a predominantly Mexican market, I immediately thought... More >>

  • Mariachis Got a Right to Sing Protest Songs

    published August 30, 2007

    Do you agree with immigration rights activists calling Elvira Arellano, who is an illegal immigrant and a criminal, the Mexican Rosa Parks?... More >>

  • Los Lipstick Lesbianas

    published August 23, 2007

    Dear Readers: It's not just questions and racist rants that invade the Mexican's mailbox — your feedback sneaks under my digital... More >>

  • More Jobs Americans Won't Do

    published August 16, 2007

    I had a heated discussion in my vanpool with a couple of gringos in which they made a comment that immigration (both legal and illegal) needs... More >>

  • The Llamas and the Papas

    published August 9, 2007

    Iíve run into a problem with my wife. Iíd like to proudly display our last name on the back window of the family car, but she wonít allow ... More >>

  • The Moor You Know

    published August 2, 2007

    Why do Mexicans say "¡Ojalá Dios quiere!"? Ojalá refers to Allah the Muslim god, and Dios is the Christian... More >>

  • Bad Football Is the Best Medicine

    published July 26, 2007

    Dear Readers: You love us, you really love us! Mere moments after publishing my July 12 column (in which Know Nothings had their say on the... More >>

  • Yearning Japanese

    published July 19, 2007

    Why donít Mexicans ever drop their Spanish? Even third- and fourth-generation Mexican-Americans still speak the language to some degree o... More >>

  • Valuing Your Feedback

    published July 12, 2007

    Dear Gabachos: You love us, you really love us! Mere moments after the Senate allowed an amnesty bill to collapse like the... More >>

  • Mix Until Thoroughly Blended

    published July 5, 2007

    I welcome the inclusion of a nice, big scoop of chopped habañeros in the bland casserole that is America. I must admit, however, it gave... More >>

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