Email Author Peter Gilstrap

1996 Stories by Peter Gilstrap

• The Case of the Disarming Santa

  published December 26, 1996

  I'm feeling real warm inside right now. I don't know, maybe it's the wonderful scent of burning wood that's in the crisp, wintry air. Maybe... More >>

• The Payne of It All

  published December 19, 1996

  "Hold on, I just took my pants off--it's kinda hot in here!" This is what Les Payne yells from inside the camper that rides piggyback in... More >>

• Lisa vs. Larry Flynt

  published December 12, 1996

  The other night I went to see a preview of the new Milos Forman film The People vs. Larry Flynt. It's a good movie. It's got God and sex and... More >>

• When God Talks, Vassula Listens

  published December 5, 1996

  A fellow I knew used to spout the theory that, based on a kind of friends-of-co-workers-of-friends network, you were always just three phone calls... More >>

• They're Already Here

  published November 28, 1996

  Here in the Valley of the Sun, the names "Fife" and "Joe" are not synonymous with "happiness" and "joy." Though the respective physical... More >>

• Belly Flap

  published November 21, 1996

  If I said, "Excuse me, but if I were to serve you a fragrantly seasoned lamb kebab with a side of kibbe-nayeh, would you be interested in watching... More >>

• Councilectomy

  published November 14, 1996

  It has nine heads. It has 18 eyes. It seems to speak its own language. It can drone a man into a drooling stupor, or it can... More >>

• Haute Copture

  published October 31, 1996

  For the average supermodel or teenage girl, "accessories" is a magic word. The right handbag, a certain scarf, a new pair of earrings, a tasteful... More >>

• Rods: The Update

  published October 24, 1996

  In these pages some five months ago, you were introduced to the phenomenon of Rods. Unidentified Flying Rods, to be exact. Unexplainable, tubelike... More >>

• Bad Teeth Are Good Business for Local Dent Tech's Bewitching Futures

  published October 10, 1996

  It takes a certain brand of optimism and foresight to make a small-market concept work, a certain drive and, of course, the essential ability to... More >>

• Alcor Ya in the Morning or Tomorrow Never Knows

  published October 3, 1996

  Right now, I am alive. I enjoy many things: eating, sleeping, joshing with friends, talking on the phone, contemplating truths. But... More >>

• Why President Clinton and Bob Dole Are So Important

  published September 26, 1996

  Recently, I met two men. One man had a round, pink face. The other man's face was tan and thin. The men are leaders that many... More >>

• All the Best

  published September 19, 1996

  It was Confucius who said, "They who know the truth are not equal to those who love it, and they who love it are not equal to those who delight in... More >>

• Love Stories

  published September 12, 1996

  Ask anyone who knows me; I am a romantic. When I awake with the rising of the sun and venture out to pick up the newspaper from its resting... More >>

• Hail, Caesar

  published September 5, 1996

  AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HERE HE IS--THE FABULOUS VIC CAESAR!!!!!! What's that? What's that I hear you saying? Who's Vic Caesar? How about... More >>

• In the Valley of the Muffler Men

  published August 29, 1996

  Muffler--A chamber attached to the end of the exhaust pipe which allows the exhaust gases to expand and cool. It is usually fitted with baffles or... More >>

• Felix, the Stabilized Cat

  published August 22, 1996

  Many is the time I have seen this guy come into the neighborhood bar I frequent. He pulls up on some kind of enormous chopper that looks like a... More >>

• His Master's Voice

  published August 15, 1996

  "I'll put it this way: In the wrong hands, that picture is a portal for domination of the beast." Let's just start with that statement,... More >>

• I, Gilstrap, or We Are Family

  published August 8, 1996

  Even before I opened the letter, I knew it. I knew there would be exciting news for me, Peter Gilstrap. After all, right there on the... More >>

• Heart for Hire

  published August 1, 1996

  Steve met a girl. Her name was Ashley. She would come over to his place, they'd hang out and watch TV, talk, make love, hold hands and cuddle. It... More >>

• On Wings of Light

  published July 25, 1996

  There aren't any airplanes in the sky right now. Nothing but wild blue yonder is visible through the window frames as the afternoon... More >>

• Do You Accept Chicks?

  published July 18, 1996

  Yea, though I walk through the Valley of Jack Chick Publications, I will fear no boredom, for his hysterical story lines and stark images art with... More >>

• Bawdy Language

  published July 4, 1996

  Swapping. Swinging. Hookers. Johns. Group sex. Adult situations. Good God, could it be true? And all going down in a defrocked VFW lodge on... More >>

• Aloha Again, Naturally

  published June 27, 1996

  The song begins almost imperceptibly, two notes of languid bass wafting in, back and forth on each other. Then, from somewhere off in the... More >>

• Ain't That a Shot in the Head

  published June 20, 1996

  It had not been a good month for Bob. First it was the woman, his girlfriend of a year and a half, who gave him the heave-ho. Then his... More >>