Email Author Robert Wilonsky

2000 Stories by Robert Wilonsky

• Blow Up the Box

  published December 28, 2000

  Thank God for old Jews with shaky hands and the inability to tell this word (G-O-R-E) from this one (B-U-C-H-A-N-A-N). Without them -- and... More >>

• Twisp of the Tale

  published December 21, 2000

  Contained within a care package sent by C.D. Payne is a self-penned press release introducing the author as "the Rodney Dangerfield of comic... More >>

• Domestic Miss

  published December 21, 2000

  The Family Man offers but a slight variation on the threadbare holiday theme of what life might have been like had Our Hero followed a... More >>

• Broken and Battered

  published December 14, 2000

  Fair warning: Enough time has passed that it's okay to discuss the ending of writer-director M. Night Shyamalan's Unbreakable. Those who've... More >>

• Mel Sells Out

  published December 14, 2000

  What Women Want could be the first movie to win a Clio Award for Advertisement of the Year. No fewer than two dozen products receive... More >>

• Bless the Blockhead

  published December 7, 2000

  Christmastime is here, but for the first time, Charlie Brown's father will not be around to watch his depressed, round-headed child celebrate the... More >>

• Hostage Crisis

  published December 7, 2000

  Day One: It was just part of the job, just another movie on another afternoon. This one promised to be no more special than any other, save... More >>

• He Got Rhythm

  published November 30, 2000

  Ken Burns apologizes for his "filibustering," but it doesn't stop him from talking and talking until the original question becomes a faint memory... More >>

• Various Artists

  published November 30, 2000

  When Sub Pop Records announced earlier this year it was releasing a tribute to Bruce Springsteen's 1982 album Nebraska -- the one he... More >>

• Oasis and U2

  published November 23, 2000

  Both of these acts belong in a rock 'n' roll museum -- Bono's fly specs and Liam Gallagher's eyebrow, preserved in amber behind Plexiglas (most of... More >>

• Call Him 'Security'

  published November 23, 2000

  Unbreakable is such a quiet film that whenever a character speaks above a whisper, it sounds like the shattering of glass in a monastery.... More >>

• Ransom Notes

  published November 16, 2000

  No one likes to be seen as the roadblock to a revolution. The unfortunate soul -- or the dumb bastard -- who chooses to impede progress is likely... More >>

• Brat Outta Hell

  published November 16, 2000

  Little Nicky will redefine the phrase "worst movie ever," because it might actually be the worst movie ever. Never again will one be... More >>

• Ransom Notes

  published November 9, 2000

  No one likes to be seen as the roadblock to a revolution. The unfortunate soul--or the dumb bastard--who chooses to impede progress is likely to... More >>

• PJ Harvey

  published November 9, 2000

  Now that Radiohead's Kid A has topped the pops, it's tempting to proclaim the long musical drought at an end; for one moment, at least, art... More >>

• What, Them Worry?

  published November 2, 2000

  Let's get this out of the way right now, because so many of you will find this hard to believe: Yes, Mad magazine still exists. It is still... More >>

• Rock and a Hard Place

  published November 2, 2000

  John Wesley Hall believes justice is a myth taught in classrooms, a fable found in law books, as imaginary as the unicorn and the mermaid. The... More >>

• Farrah to Poor

  published November 2, 2000

  Charlie's Angels More >>

• The Man of Ink

  published October 26, 2000

  Before others could reject him, Michael Chabon had convinced himself no one wanted to read an epic novel about comic-book creators, mythical... More >>

• Baby, Get Back

  published October 26, 2000

  Doug Sulpy and Ray Schweighardt's book Get Back: The Unauthorized Chronicle of the Beatles' Let It Be Disaster contains the sort of... More >>

• The Man of Many Face

  published October 19, 2000

  It has often been written of Chris Guest--or, if you prefer, Fifth Baron Christopher Haden-Guest, son of diplomat Peter Haden-Guest, who could... More >>

• "Look! I Made This!"

  published October 12, 2000

  A cold breeze blows through an open window, and a football game silently unfolds on the television screen. The old man sitting on the couch... More >>

• Shut Up, Jeremy!

  published October 12, 2000

  Right now, someone at Epic Records' New York offices is laughing, thinking about the two fools at New Times who shot off their mouths and... More >>

• The Dr. Is In, Out, In, Out...

  published October 12, 2000

  Richard Gere, as Dallas gynecologist Sullivan Travis, has never been more likable onscreen, perhaps because he's never been more human, more... More >>

• Jackie Robinson of the Jews

  published October 12, 2000

  Too often baseball players are reduced to statistics, hollow numbers that resonate with the fetishist who drifts off to sleep counting home runs... More >>