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2000 Stories by Robert Wilonsky

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  • Blow Up the Box

    published December 28, 2000

    Thank God for old Jews with shaky hands and the inability to tell this word (G-O-R-E) from this one (B-U-C-H-A-N-A-N). Without them -- and... More >>

  • Twisp of the Tale

    published December 21, 2000

    Contained within a care package sent by C.D. Payne is a self-penned press release introducing the author as "the Rodney Dangerfield of comic... More >>

  • Domestic Miss

    published December 21, 2000

    The Family Man offers but a slight variation on the threadbare holiday theme of what life might have been like had Our Hero followed a... More >>

  • Broken and Battered

    published December 14, 2000

    Fair warning: Enough time has passed that it's okay to discuss the ending of writer-director M. Night Shyamalan's Unbreakable. Those who've... More >>

  • Mel Sells Out

    published December 14, 2000

    What Women Want could be the first movie to win a Clio Award for Advertisement of the Year. No fewer than two dozen products receive... More >>

  • Bless the Blockhead

    published December 7, 2000

    Christmastime is here, but for the first time, Charlie Brown's father will not be around to watch his depressed, round-headed child celebrate the... More >>

  • Hostage Crisis

    published December 7, 2000

    Day One: It was just part of the job, just another movie on another afternoon. This one promised to be no more special than any other, save... More >>

  • He Got Rhythm

    published November 30, 2000

    Ken Burns apologizes for his "filibustering," but it doesn't stop him from talking and talking until the original question becomes a faint memory... More >>

  • Various Artists

    published November 30, 2000

    When Sub Pop Records announced earlier this year it was releasing a tribute to Bruce Springsteen's 1982 album Nebraska -- the one he... More >>

  • Oasis and U2

    published November 23, 2000

    Both of these acts belong in a rock 'n' roll museum -- Bono's fly specs and Liam Gallagher's eyebrow, preserved in amber behind Plexiglas (most of... More >>

  • Call Him 'Security'

    published November 23, 2000

    Unbreakable is such a quiet film that whenever a character speaks above a whisper, it sounds like the shattering of glass in a monastery.... More >>

  • Ransom Notes

    published November 16, 2000

    No one likes to be seen as the roadblock to a revolution. The unfortunate soul -- or the dumb bastard -- who chooses to impede progress is likely... More >>

  • Brat Outta Hell

    published November 16, 2000

    Little Nicky will redefine the phrase "worst movie ever," because it might actually be the worst movie ever. Never again will one be... More >>

  • Ransom Notes

    published November 9, 2000

    No one likes to be seen as the roadblock to a revolution. The unfortunate soul--or the dumb bastard--who chooses to impede progress is likely to... More >>

  • PJ Harvey

    published November 9, 2000

    Now that Radiohead's Kid A has topped the pops, it's tempting to proclaim the long musical drought at an end; for one moment, at least, art... More >>

  • What, Them Worry?

    published November 2, 2000

    Let's get this out of the way right now, because so many of you will find this hard to believe: Yes, Mad magazine still exists. It is still... More >>

  • Rock and a Hard Place

    published November 2, 2000

    John Wesley Hall believes justice is a myth taught in classrooms, a fable found in law books, as imaginary as the unicorn and the mermaid. The... More >>

  • Farrah to Poor

    published November 2, 2000

    Charlie's Angels More >>

  • The Man of Ink

    published October 26, 2000

    Before others could reject him, Michael Chabon had convinced himself no one wanted to read an epic novel about comic-book creators, mythical... More >>

  • Baby, Get Back

    published October 26, 2000

    Doug Sulpy and Ray Schweighardt's book Get Back: The Unauthorized Chronicle of the Beatles' Let It Be Disaster contains the sort of... More >>

  • The Man of Many Face

    published October 19, 2000

    It has often been written of Chris Guest--or, if you prefer, Fifth Baron Christopher Haden-Guest, son of diplomat Peter Haden-Guest, who could... More >>

  • "Look! I Made This!"

    published October 12, 2000

    A cold breeze blows through an open window, and a football game silently unfolds on the television screen. The old man sitting on the couch... More >>

  • Shut Up, Jeremy!

    published October 12, 2000

    Right now, someone at Epic Records' New York offices is laughing, thinking about the two fools at New Times who shot off their mouths and... More >>

  • The Dr. Is In, Out, In, Out...

    published October 12, 2000

    Richard Gere, as Dallas gynecologist Sullivan Travis, has never been more likable onscreen, perhaps because he's never been more human, more... More >>

  • Jackie Robinson of the Jews

    published October 12, 2000

    Too often baseball players are reduced to statistics, hollow numbers that resonate with the fetishist who drifts off to sleep counting home runs... More >>

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