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2004 Stories by Stephen Lemons

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  • My Lucky Seven

    published December 30, 2004

    On the whole, 2004 has been a good year for this portly penman, as enjoyable dining experiences have easily outweighed poor ones. Indeed, what... More >>

  • Picking St. Nix

    published December 23, 2004

    What a colossal difference a second visit to a restaurant can make. See, my modus operandi as a critic is generally as follows: I pick a place I... More >>

  • All Keyed Up

    published December 23, 2004

    This is the comedy-club rule: Sit up front, and you can expect to get fucked with, at least a little bit. Plus, when you roll on any club with the... More >>

  • Bada Bomb

    published December 16, 2004

    Everyone knows about Pavlov's dogs: those canines that helped Russian scientist Ivan Pavlov demonstrate that the natural flow of saliva in... More >>

  • Monday Night Meatmarket

    published December 16, 2004

    Let's see if I can do justice to this mutha: Monday nights at ACME Roadhouse in Tempe are off the hook, the chain, the rope, the string, and just... More >>

  • South Mountain Mojo

    published December 9, 2004

    Hey, I may come off in print as a bloated narcissist, but I do get my comeuppance often enough. Take, for example, a question I had for a... More >>

  • Rap City

    published December 9, 2004

    Anyone who doesn't believe the PHX has talent like Chi-town, the ATL and the Lou needs to pop over to O'Mallys at 3544 West Glendale Avenue in... More >>

  • Meet Cute

    published December 2, 2004

    It's a fine Tuesday morning, and I'm seated at a table in Matt's Big Breakfast, the new diner that opened a month ago on First Street and... More >>

  • Petting the Pussycat

    published December 2, 2004

    It's 'round midnight on a Thursday eve, and yours truly, Kreme, is at Scottsdale's Pussycat Lounge getting his fat fanny slapped by the finest... More >>

  • Grazie, Radda

    published November 25, 2004

    I've always loathed Thanksgiving, so don't expect some column from me telling you how to cook a turkey with a beer can stuck up its butt, or where... More >>

  • Wet Dreams

    published November 25, 2004

    First up, this week's column is dedicated to ex-Wu Tang warrior Ol' Dirty Bastard (a.k.a. Russell Jones), who on November 13, just two days short... More >>

  • Korean Feastin'

    published November 18, 2004

    Folks call and write me with some amazing requests. Usually, I do my best to reply in a timely manner, but occasionally, the inquiries veer into... More >>

  • N.O.K.

    published November 18, 2004

    Other than chedda, what separates the up-and-coming flowmaster from a baller whose SoundScan numbers rival the deficit? The answer depends on the... More >>

  • SMoCA'm If You Got 'Em

    published November 18, 2004

    Like Tara Reid getting a new rack or Cynthia Nixon deciding to bat for the home team, it's a time of transition for Inferno, y'all. First off,... More >>

  • The Prince of Pasta

    published November 11, 2004

    I've been jonesing of late for some really excellent house-made pasta. No doubt what brought this on was my slightly disappointing visit a couple... More >>

  • Punk You!

    published November 11, 2004

    To borrow a line from Demi Moore boy toy Ashton Kutcher, "You've been punked!" That's right, New Times' October 28 cover story 'bout a... More >>

  • Delux and De-lovely

    published November 4, 2004

    I am terribly pained that all the fuss concerning the Boston Red Sox, the World Series, and the Curse of the Bambino is finally over. Not that I... More >>

  • Wham-Bam, Amsterdam, Ma'am

    published November 4, 2004

    When I heard that Jett, the L-word Maria Menounos, wanted to go to Amsterdam with me, her extremely Kreme-y partner in nightlife, I thought maybe... More >>

  • Fat-tushy Fetish

    published October 28, 2004

    In my line of work, a double-wide backside seems to come with the territory. I'm sure there are certain female food critics in Arizona whose... More >>

  • Fiamma Fantabulous

    published October 21, 2004

    Whenever I wax homesick for La-la Land, I need only stop by Scottsdale's James Hotel for a fix of that über-modern, über-sophisticated... More >>

  • Dirty Doggy-Style

    published October 21, 2004

    Ever since yours truly arrived in the Zona, nearly everyone in P-town's clubland has had the Black and Tan on their lips. And, no I don't mean a... More >>

  • Brazil Nuts

    published October 14, 2004

    I recently read online that the ugliest man in Hollywood, and a piss-poor actor to boot, Billy Bob Thornton, badmouthed the immortal Bard, calling... More >>

  • Paint Par-tay

    published October 14, 2004

    The celly chimed the other day, and at the other end is my man Gentleman Jules Demetrius, the P-town Picasso whose artwork we first told you about... More >>

  • Elk Lodge

    published October 7, 2004

    My initial experience dining at Flat Iron Rotisserie and Grill, the new, Southwestern-themed establishment on Indian School Road, can be compared... More >>

  • Emerg McVay

    published October 7, 2004

    Emerg McVay's a one-man verbal blitzkrieg, a black Osama bin Laden piloting a lyrical 747 right into the core of your cranium. Preconceived... More >>

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