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2004 Stories by Stephen Lemons

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  • Stray Cat Strut

    published June 24, 2004

    I'm all alone in the 'Zona this Saturday night. Jett's jetted off to NYC for a little vay-cay, leaving me by my lonesome in P-town. (Sigh.)... More >>

  • Mediocre Mangia

    published June 17, 2004

    One of the joys of writing a weekly column for New Times is that I'm pretty much given carte blanche to cut through the ca-ca that other... More >>

  • Roadhouse Rules

    published June 17, 2004

    I'm situated at the bar at TT Roadhouse, a pint of Harp before me in a frosty glass, awaiting the Pink of P-town to show her pretty lipsticker... More >>

  • Kings of Kebab

    published June 10, 2004

    I suppose most folks have their own, somewhat flattering image of themselves, and I am no different in this regard. In my mind's eye, I'm a cross... More >>

  • Meatmarket of Dreams

    published June 10, 2004

    It's a hot, humpalicious night in the 'Zona, and yours truly's pounding down pistachio at the local Baskin-Robbins. Suddenly, a fembot frame... More >>

  • Psycho Killer

    published June 3, 2004

    Occasionally, I feel like the Ted Bundy of food critics, trawling sundry restaurant rows here in Phoenix, looking for my next victim. It has... More >>

  • Muy Caliente, Baby!

    published June 3, 2004

    A pocket full of jimmie hats and no honey willing to help me put them to use, I was resigned to sitting home with Mr. Zig Zag, a fifth of Sky and... More >>

  • Fish Tales

    published May 27, 2004

    Last week, I was perusing this book Bizarrism, a compilation of "Strange Lives, Cults and Celebrated Lunacy" by Aussie author Chris Mikul,... More >>

  • Catwalk Carnality

    published May 27, 2004

    All you P-town gangstas know of Mr. Kreme's passion for fashion, my penchant for poppin' collars with the flyest ladies in the 602 or the 480.... More >>

  • Brazilian Bust

    published May 20, 2004

    I have been very, very spoiled in the past when it comes to churrascaria, or Brazilian barbecue. I didn't realize how spoiled until I visited the... More >>

  • Scopin' Shorties

    published May 20, 2004

    You know, my co-pilot Jett wasn't always the L-word Jessica Alba. Before she became the lipsticker queen of Phoenix nightlife, she was just... More >>

  • Dough Boy

    published May 13, 2004

    Los Angeles may have the ocean, a temperate climate, Hollywood starlets and the Lakers, but the Valley cleans La-La Land's proverbial clock when... More >>

  • Punk Rock Paradise

    published May 13, 2004

    After blowing most of our dolo at that swank strip club Skin last week, Jett and I needed a low-rent joint at which to chillax (that's chill and... More >>

  • Browne's New Bag

    published May 6, 2004

    I'd been sitting on the fence for the past week about Rokerij, Richardson Browne's classy new chop shop, when I happened to take a look at the... More >>

  • Skin-NY Dippin'

    published May 6, 2004

    My dawg Jett, a.k.a. the lezzy Nelly, has been ailin' of late 'cause she got dumped by her squeeze of the week, some fine hoochie-mama with... More >>

  • Clandestine Curry

    published April 29, 2004

    One of the bonuses of dwelling in a real metropolis is having a reputable Indian eatery within reasonable distance of one's digs. When I resided... More >>

  • Sorry, Kermit

    published April 22, 2004

    Death and taxes. The two unavoidables of human existence had me knee-deep in the dumps. It happened after I visited my local H&R Block on... More >>

  • Green Guzzlin'

    published April 22, 2004

    Like Snoop says in that joint they play all the time on Power 92.3, "Green's for the money, the money, the money." But green's also for the... More >>

  • Saucy Servings

    published April 15, 2004

    Let me share a little secret with you: Journalists love to eat and eat well, but we're also notoriously cheap. In part, this has to do with the... More >>

  • Risky Biz-ness

    published April 15, 2004

    Dime time. That means, 10 o'clock on a Thursday night, and I'm chillin' at my homegirl Jett's pad as she readies herself to ride on da club. The... More >>

  • Bistro Bland

    published April 8, 2004

    Allow me to address a theme that runs through a number of missives I've received from my detractors, most of whom have this ass-backwards notion... More >>

  • Palace of Perversion

    published April 8, 2004

    Hey, Phoenix, where the freaks at, baby? Your 300-pound mack of wack and his lezzie Lara Croft been hankerin' for some underground... More >>

  • Wacky Wasabi

    published April 1, 2004

    The good news first: I've recently had the pleasure of eating at the hippest new sushi joint in the Valley, with maki rolls so innovative, and yet... More >>

  • Bikini' Boozin'

    published April 1, 2004

    I'm at home splashing on some Pierre Cardin musk, preparing to step out and get skunked at the illustrious Bikini Lounge on Grand Avenue, when the... More >>

  • Tame Tiger

    published March 25, 2004

    Though I have yet to visit Siam, I have lived in the next best place for Thai cuisine: Los Angeles. In La-La Land, there are nearly as many Thai... More >>

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