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2005 Stories by Stephen Lemons

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  • Reality Check

    published June 30, 2005

    Chef Christopher Gross never misses a lick when it comes to reminding you of all the plaudits he's picked up in his day. There's a fairly... More >>

  • Somali Sublime

    published June 23, 2005

    Dining in Phoenix sometimes feels like going toe-to-toe with Torquemada during the Spanish Inquisition, or at least Monty Python in that skit... More >>

  • Sammy Time

    published June 16, 2005

    Call me the Benedict Arnold of Phoenix boosterism for saying so, but the thought of light rail does not titillate me. Nor does the prospect of ASU... More >>

  • Geek-Freak Fiesta

    published June 16, 2005

    A masterpiece of meat-puppetry, that's what Jett and I are watching, along with hundreds of other corset-and-chaps-wearin' sensation seekers as... More >>

  • Wing Nuts

    published June 9, 2005

    Like the late, great Rodney Dangerfield, Buffalo wings get no respect, no respect at all. The name "Buffalo" hardly engenders esteem, as that... More >>

  • Seraglio of Sin

    published June 9, 2005

    "Kreme," sighs the Jettster via phone as we consult on our next nocturnal escapade. "I need a lap dance." I'd only just gotten through to the... More >>

  • The Sweet Life

    published June 2, 2005

    Whenever I visit The Gelato Spot, that new purveyor of Italian "ice cream" across from Zen 32 at 32nd Street and Camelback Road, I'm often... More >>

  • Sunday, Phunky Sunday

    published June 2, 2005

    Like Houston MC Mike Jones says, if you don't grind, you don't shine, so the bisexual Eva Green and her cohort (that would be me) always make the... More >>

  • Pie-Faced

    published May 26, 2005

    Pizza is one of those foods I enjoy too much to actually indulge in very often. Once the feeding frenzy begins in earnest, I'll go through an... More >>

  • Doggystyle, Beeahtch!

    published May 26, 2005

    "Take a hit off this Indo, Kreme," Snoop Dogg advises, passing me a spliff the size of a Subway sandwich. "One toke'll give you Chinese eyes,... More >>

  • Sausage Fest

    published May 19, 2005

    For this food critic, there's nothing quite as satisfying as gnawing on a hunk of butt while perusing the Scottsdale-based Serbian Times... More >>

  • Crown Room Kickin' It

    published May 19, 2005

    It ain't easy being the Jay-Z and Beyoncé of the nightlife scene here in the PHX. For real, goin' out every week, gettin' our drink on, and... More >>

  • Rule, Britannia!

    published May 12, 2005

    As any Birkenstocks-clad liberal arts major will tell you ad nauseam if you let him, the word "empire" is a loaded term, a Pandora's box of... More >>

  • Scottsdale Swank

    published May 12, 2005

    "Can I rub your tummy for luck?" asks the gorgeous dime-piece before me in the lounge of the James Hotel's J Bar in Scottsdale, her smooth skin... More >>

  • Karma and Camus

    published May 5, 2005

    I'm fairly skeptical about the concept of some sort of cosmic justice, whether it be a benevolent graybeard on a throne up in heaven, or something... More >>

  • Coyote Blues

    published May 5, 2005

    No such thing as bad publicity? Tell that weak sauce to Jodi Upton, owner of the hip-hop club CBNC (short for Coyote Bay Night Club) at... More >>

  • Colombian Chow-Down

    published April 28, 2005

    Like most foodies, I'm fond of almost all ethnic cuisines, and I'm always heartened to hear of another attempting a toe-hold in greater Phoenix.... More >>

  • House of Cool

    published April 28, 2005

    If you're fresh to P-town, and know the lay of the cit-tay about as well as Ashlee Simpson knows how to hold a musical note, then let Professor... More >>

  • Calf-Fry Castle

    published April 21, 2005

    I may pique the interest of Michael Jackson fans by saying so, but who knew that the, uh, cojónes of young calves would make such a... More >>

  • So-So Sushi

    published April 14, 2005

    Submitted for your consideration: the worst sushi I've had since I made the mistake of walking into a Todai many years back. Sushi that makes... More >>

  • The Devil's Danceteria

    published April 14, 2005

    For my chedda, the most creative cats and kittens in P-town's clubland belong to this city's Goth-trance underworld. The playas and playettes of... More >>

  • Lust for Laab

    published April 7, 2005

    We need some new rules here on the Ponderosa, and the first one is that for every bad meal I have to endure, my belly deserves to be placated with... More >>

  • Behind the Green Door

    published April 7, 2005

    It's the witching hour at Sadisco, and the bisexual Brittany Murphy and I are watching a Victorian snuff-play done to throbbing industrial music... More >>

  • Road Kill Rules

    published March 31, 2005

    Is it possible to predict a lousy dining experience as soon as you enter a chow house, without a peek at the bill of fare? You betcha. For... More >>

  • Chauvinist Pig-Out

    published March 24, 2005

    Harvard prez Larry Summers has been excoriated in the past few months by feminists, fellow academics, and the politically correct for suggesting... More >>

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