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2006 Stories by Stephen Lemons

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  • Anti-Xmas Rant

    published Nov 27, 2006

    Santa feels your pain... The problem with Xmas, as I see it, is that I'd rather just keep my money and buy myself whatever the fuck I want. But we're not allowed to do that. Even if you... More >>

  • Freak Show Maestro

    published Nov 25, 2006

    The cursed arm of Claude de Lorraine... All photos by Megumi Akiyama. Pickled punks: They go great with pastrami and a lil' mustard. Embalmed clown Achile Chatouilleu, und... More >>

  • Shocket Shocker: It's alive!

    published Nov 22, 2006

    Not Kathy Shayna Shocket... Did Kathy Shayna Shocket survive the Repugnant's editorial bloodbath? That's what I wondered after I read her 11/20 society column. Sources high up on the Repu... More >>

  • Robert Altman's Long Goodbye

    published Nov 21, 2006

    Altman, on the set of The Gingerbread Man. I feel a little odd mourning the loss of director Robert Altman. I mean, the guy lived eight decades and a year, and was incredibly prolific du... More >>

  • Toughest Sheriff in the Nation Wimps Out

    published Nov 20, 2006

    All pics by Lilia Menconi AG Terry Goddard entering as I'm being escorted out by Chagolla. ... More >>

  • Dork King Du Bois

    published Nov 20, 2006

    Catherine King channelling Cousin Itt... Ya think Jerome Du Bois' mom was named Blanche? The PHX art-fart gadfly's capacity for self-delusion is equal to that of Tennessee Williams' most... More >>

  • Bess & The Bird

    published Nov 18, 2006

    The wild and crazy Rachel Bess... The Bird knows all, sees all. The minions of The Bird are perched everywhere, scribbling notes, observing all social interactions in the PHX as potential ... More >>

  • CNA's rage for censorship...

    published Nov 17, 2006

    Banned by the CNA! Not really. There's a ton more like this on the CNA website... Below is another e-mail from Harry Summers of the Center for Nursing Advocacy, and my response to him. Har... More >>

  • Camille Paglia, this one's for you...

    published Nov 17, 2006

    The Great Camille Paglia: Feminazi slayer, diva and intellectual nonpareil. Below find some recent correspondence between myself and the Maryland-based Center for Nursing Advocacy's Seni... More >>

  • Alt-Fuels Crook Keels Over

    published Nov 16, 2006

    The GrossCost of livin': $150 mil. As far as I'm concerned, former House Speaker Jeff Groscost, whom the Bird disses in death this week, deserved to be wearing stripes, eating green balone... More >>

  • The Republic's newsroom runs red with blood...and ink.

    published Nov 15, 2006

    "Good work, ZeeDick. Think we can buy the LA Slimes after this?" A source at the Republic relates the following internal scuttlebutt on Monday's massacre, which laid waste to 31 Rep jobs,... More >>

  • Gas Bag Man

    published November 16, 2006

    Great toucan turds, people! With all the pathetic blubberin' that's busted out over the past couple of weeks due to the demise of former Arizona... More >>

  • Manet, You Corrupt Biddy...

    published Nov 14, 2006

    Somethng tells us these blokes ain't squeezin' lemons? All this hard-news is makin' my brain hurt, but anything that slams our illustrious Guv, I'm down with, so here's a taste of my col... More >>

  • Slaughter in the Newsroom

    published Nov 14, 2006

    Now, this won't hurt a bit... Classy how the bean-counters at Gannett picked the week of the Walter Cronkite Luncheon to hack into the Arizona Republic's staff, cutting 31 jobs, according ... More >>

  • Soft-core Sexy Nurses

    published Nov 14, 2006

    Irony of ironies: CNA promulgates the very images it claims to abhor... Wanna peep pics of hot, horny nurses and not feel a bit guilty about straying from your more-liberal-than-thou PC ... More >>

  • McCain Suicide Watch

    published Nov 12, 2006

    from Can someone cue Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy," please? The John McCain ass-kissing began in earnest shortly after the polls closed Tuesday, with even the Repugnant's sa... More >>

  • A whiff of Weimar-era Berlin...

    published Nov 10, 2006

    As DJ Squalor would say, "Don't not be there..." I've never made a secret of my slavish admiration for the crew that produces the insane industrial-noise soiree known as Sadisco. I assure ... More >>

  • Blackadder, PHX-style

    published Nov 10, 2006

    Richard III, the vile monarch... The real deal, though I prefer McKellen's fascistic version... Received a delightful snot-gram today, which always warms the nest of snakes i... More >>

  • Last KR post...forever?

    published Nov 10, 2006

    What the AZPunk chicks wished they looked like... Who said women stick together? If you wanna see females of the species go after each other along the lines of a prison riot on HBO's Oz, j... More >>

  • A Real Nowhere Man

    published Nov 10, 2006

    Above the Crowd: Can you feel the excitement? As the vote count in the CD5 race between Harry "Milquetoast" Mitchell and Congressman J.D. "Why Do You Hate Me?" Hayworth drags on, it seems ... More >>

  • Wanted in Sun City: Breast Specialists

    published Nov 09, 2006

    image courtesy of USDA (no, really) Who knew you needed a degree for this? Couldn't help myself with this one. Did you know they need "lactation consultants" in Sun City? One would've thought... More >>

  • Goldwater Family Values

    published Nov 08, 2006

    C.C. and Barry, Jr., dragging the Senator down to their level. The Bird takes flight this week and drops a colossal load on the Goldwater family for censoring the Goldwater papers at the A... More >>

  • Strange Fruit

    published November 9, 2006

    This brazen buzzard can hardly believe its feathered earflaps! With the ink barely dry on More >>

  • The view from Nixon's

    published Nov 08, 2006

    The Triumph of Mediocrity: "Femmebot" Manet. Has she finally gotten a man-date? I took in the election returns last night with my fellow imbibers at Nixon's at The Esplanade, specifically ... More >>

  • CounterCulture Crashes

    published Nov 07, 2006

    Over and out for now: CCC Owners Andres and Mony Yuhnke... Sad word today that the 24-7 java joint CounterCulture Cafe at 24th Street and McDowell Road is closing its doors after their as... More >>

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