Best Place to Buy a Lethal Fly Swatter (2000)

99 Cents Discount Store

Best buzz kill?

Fess up, we all hate the buggers, and for our money there's nothing better for terminating the two-winged terrors than the fatal fly swatters we got at the 99 Cents Discount Store. Sure, they cost more than the ones you find in supermarkets and hardware stores, but face it, those vendors really want you to purchase some industrial-strength repellent or $100 bug zapper, so they try to paw off ineffectual swatters that bend and tear against hard surfaces.

In contrast, these 99-cent jobs are fierce and fearsome, with deadly smashing planes the size of elephantine oven mittens. And unlike those sissy swatters that come in fluorescent pinks or greens, these babies only come in basic primary killing colors like fire engine red and jungle green, the better to keep your mind on what you're actually doing -- singling out one of God's most graceful living organisms and squashing him into gutsy bug mush.

On a test run, we were able to take out three flies at a stroke -- although, in truth, two were fornicating at the time. SPLAAAT!


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