Best Sports Choker (2013)

Heath Bell, Arizona Diamondbacks

Jeez, Heath Bell used to be great! Jeez, he's sucked this season! Despite Kevin Towers' management prowess, his biggest bonehead move this year was bringing Bell over from the Florida Marlins, where he was beneath dismal last season. Kevin, the guy's O-V-E-R! Bell once was great with the San Diego Padres, but he's lost it. Batters seem to anticipate his every pitch (he has only two, a fastball and a curve). You and manager Kirk Gibson believed Bell would improve after his first outing. Remember that first game, Kevin? Gave up two home runs to the first two batters he faced. Um, AZ lost the game. And we've lost countless others because Bell's been worthless on the mound. He apparently got the memo that closers are supposed to damn well close, 'cause we can tell he feels real bad after blowing it so many times. He should've felt like jumping into the Grand Canyon after a couple of those. Man, we quake to think that Arizona's paying $9 million a year for the "Heath Bell Experience." After the All-Star break, Bell was moved into a setup role, which helped. But we still feel nausea when he trots in from the bullpen. We're not sure how Bell survived the trade deadline — maybe he cleans Towers' pool.


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