Best Mascot - 2012
We gotta go with the Gorilla. We're not expecting much else to be good about the Phoenix Suns this year, but the Gorilla will remain a crowd-pleaser with his death-defying leaps, his goofy antics, and his public appearances around the world on behalf of various worthy causes. According to the Suns' website, he attended Fur-man University and Hairy Truman High School in Mon-key West, Florida, and has been a pro for 27 years (which translates to 59 gorilla years).Despite the corny credentials, he's a force to be reckoned with in the mascot world around here. A gymnast of King Kong talent, the man inside the ape suit literally jumps off trampolines through rings of fire to slam-dunk basketballs, and has broken nearly every bone in whatever body occupies his furry skin. An irate Miami Heat fan once punched him in the snout, not appreciating his monkeyshines. The Gorilla's identity? Reportedly, it's a middle-aged balding dad named Bob Woolf, but who knows who's really inside that furry skin, says the coy Suns organization. In early September, the Suns announced they were seeking a new apeman to fill the suit and the $40,000-a-year job. Well — Woolf in gorilla's clothing or whoever it is or will be in 2012-13 — he's got no competition in the world of Valley mascots. Sheesh, the Arizona Cardinals' Big Red scares the crap out of us with that gigantic pointed beak and gleam in his eye, the Phoenix Coyotes' Howler never has done anything funny or death-defying, and we're pretty sure everybody agrees that the Diamondbacks' Baxter is kinda pathetic. We mean, why do we have a bobcat as the team's mascot? Oh, yeah, Chase Field used to be called Bank One Ballpark. D-backs, it's not anymore! Hasn't been for a looong time! Time to retire the idiotic Baxter and move on to a cute, cuddly rattlesnake man.