Alan Colmes Jerks a Metaphorical Knot in Pastor Steven Anderson's Noggin
Alan Colmes is my new hero. Sure, he might look like E.T.'s pappy, but this dood is one sharp liberal. Just bend an ear to the audio clips of Colmes swimming logical laps round Steven L. Anderson, the Tempe pastor who wishes President Barack Obama, homosexuals, and sundry other sinners, dead.
Colmes had Anderson on his radio show Tuesday, specifically to discuss the Bible bumpkin's "Why I Hate Barack Obama" sermon, wherein he called for the death of our Chief Executive, primarily because Obama supports abortion rights. Colmes has some of this show up on his blog. Anderson has it all up on his YouTube site in four sections, which should tell you how desperate Anderson is for attention, because Colmes makes Anderson sound like an even bigger zealoty-crackpot than he's already proven himself to be on his own time.
In part one, Colmes delves into Anderson's views on homosexuals and homosexuality, and Anderson has to admit that he screwed up in one of his sermons on Massachusetts Representative Barney Frank, whom he called a "faggot," and a "pedophile" who'd been arrested. While Frank is openly gay, he is not a pedophile, nor has he ever been arrested. Anderson said he had Frank confused with the late Congressman Gerry Studds, who admitted to having an affair with a 17-year-old page long ago, and was censured by Congress in 1983.
Still, Anderson told Colmes that, "Personally, I believe all homosexuals are predators."
Colmes told him that was factually incorrect. Anderson referred to the Genesis tale of Sodom and Gomorrah as his source, and Colmes pointed out that there was also heterosexual sex going on in that bit of Biblical porno.
"Do you believe that every gay person in the world is a predator?" asked Colmes.
"That's what I believe," replied Anderson. "And every gay person that I've ever known personally has been a predator."
"Define `predator,'" insisted Colmes. "What do you mean by `predator'?"
"A predator as in someone who tries to molest other people," answered Anderson, "to force people into things that they don't want to do."
If the subtext of Anderson's statements has your eyebrows arching, get this: Anderson thinks what Leviticus says about putting homosexuals to death is God's law, and God's law is "perfect." After all, being gay is a choice, you're not born that way, insisted Anderson.
Colmes then wondered when Anderson decided to be a heterosexual, since it's a choice, according to him.
"Have you ever had a gay experience?" he asked Anderson, and later, "Since you believe that your sexual preference is a choice, when did you choose to be straight?"
Anderson kept repeating Leviticus' teaching that homosexuality is an abomination, and Colmes observed that Leviticus also orders folks not to wear clothes made of mixed fibers. It was almost like Colmes was playing the Biblical version of Johnny Carson's "Stump the Band" routine on Anderson. He had that pastor squirming seven ways to Sunday.
It really got rockin' towards the end when a gay fella called up and asked the pastor about the part in Leviticus that says you can kill your children if they "curse" you. Anderson had to admit this was true, and he seemed to sign on to this bit of dark, religious insanity as well. Ditto on the whole stoning adulterers thing, BTW. Though he thinks the government should do the stoning. You know, like they used to in Afghanistan n'stuff.
What about the killing Obama spiel, the hate-Obama sermon that I covered in yesterday's blog and has been reported on elsewhere? Anderson stuck with it, though he asserted that he won't be pulling the trigger. See, he's got a flock to tend to, though he had to sheepishly admit to Colmes that he only draws about 50 souls out of a total 100 members on any given Sabbath.
"You want the president dead..." observed Colmes.
"Absolutely," enthused the bloodlusty pastor. "Now that doesn't mean I'm gonna kill him. But you know what? I believe he should reap what he's sown."
Sounds like a cop out, if you ask me. On the one hand, Anderson tells Colmes that, "[Obama] deserves to die, because he's a murderer." But then, not only does Anderson wimp out on the big deed, he even eschews responsibility for the act should someone be inspired enough by his fatwa and take a pot shot at the Prez.
"I'm not going to take responsibility for other people's actions," said Anderson. "You know, it's ridiculous how I'm supposed to be held accountable for what anyone who listens to my sermons does."
But why preach it, pastor, if you don't mean it? Then, like a verbal magician, Colmes got the preacher-man to confess to his biggest sins.
"I've stolen, I've lied, I don't know," he admitted.
Kinda ironic for a guy who leads a place of worship called the Faithful Word Baptist Church.
What exactly Anderson's stolen or has lied about remained elusive, but, hey, "I haven't committed murder or adultery, if that's what you're asking," he assured Colmes.
Priceless, Alan. Truly, sir, I am not worthy to darn your socks.
And if it doesn't put y'all at ease knowing that Anderson is the same Bible-thumper who preaches to Christopher Broughton, the wacko who brought an AR-15 to the demonstration outside where President Obama was speaking last week, well, that's a good thing. Regarding that incident, you should remain disturbed.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Phoenix New Times' biggest stories.