Ankarlo Kisses Arpaio's Ass
So the Mormon-owned 92.3 FM KTAR didn't waste much time showing the world what they're all about with their new FM frequency by planting their premium 8:30 to Noon spot with wing-nut import Darrell Ankarlo. He's taken over that time slot from Mr. Nice Guy Pat McMahon -- you know, the old dood who used to play priss-pot Gerald on Wallace and Ladmo back when wooly mammoths roamed the Earth. Ankarlo's big issue? Surprise, surprise -- illegal immigration. Whew, a regular Mr. Originality you are, Ankarlo. You make McMahon sound like an AZ-bound Bill Maher by comparison.
When Ankarlo's not mouthing off about the illegal horde, he has the occasional guest on, like Sheriff Joe Arpaio. In fact, a few days back, he kissed Joe's ass so clean you could probably eat a salad off it now.
"I dig everything this guy is up to," Ankarlo said of Joe before Joe's segment began.
Moments later, when Joe was on, Gary Busey-lookalike Ankarlo practically rammed his already brown nose up Sheriff Alzheimer's metaphorical sphincter:
"You're a tough sheriff," smooched Ankarlo, then adopting the Joe persona for a moment. "You break the law, you're going to deal with me, and I'm going to throw you in my Tent City. Or I'm going to make sure life is hell, so you don't want to do that again. I buy that all day long."
Sounds great Darrell, 'cept for the fact that according to attorney Mike Manning, who's won multimillion dollar lawsuits against Maricopa County and Sheriff Joke for wrongful death, 75% of those in Arpaio's jails at any given time are awaiting trial and presumed innocent under the constitution. Are these people -- who might be innocent -- supposed to be kept in inhumane, understaffed conditions? Should they be beaten to death by other inmates or by the guards?
What if your son was in Tent City serving time for extreme DUI, Darrell, would you be cool with him being in the sort of place where he might be forced to join a prison gang and move contraband to survive? This is the reality of Arpaio's gulags, and it's the reason he's cost the County so much scrilla in lawsuit settlements.
Dumbasses like Darrell never get it. Jails are not the same things as prisons. Jails hold those who can't make bail, those awaiting arraignment, probation violators, DUIs, etc. Big time convicted criminals head to prisons like Florence. Joe's even commissioned studies from ASU on his recidivism rate, only to discover that it's par for the course. So Joe's jail system fails on every count: it doesn't deter crime; ultimately, it costs more in lawsuit settlements; and it's not even effective revenge -- revenge on small time punks? Come on!
In addition to the fact that Arpaio runs a klink condemned by Amnesty International, he blocks the investigations of any journalists who don't pucker up like you do, Ankarlo. Indeed, it was funnier than the Borat film listening to Joe tell your gullible ass crap like:
"You know why I do talk to you in the media? I'm the elected Sheriff. I report directly to the people."
"I don't run a CIA operation. My operation's open for anybody to come in there."
HA! That's a friggin' belly-laugh. Regular readers of this blog may recall that I was kicked out of a recent Arpaio press conference before I even got to ask the looney lawman a question, and Arpaio's MILFy spokeswoman Lisa Allen MacPherson refuses phone calls from little ol' moi. Arpaio's office continues to deny the New Times access to public records, and he's urging Pinal County to prosecute the New Times for revealing information about Arpiao that's available to anyone who can Google -- i.e., his address!
Interestingly, Ankarlo didn't allow any calls. And he mocked those who tried to call in while he was giving Joe a verbal rimjob, saying:
"I gotta tell ya, I'm not smokin'. I dig this guy. and I see all the lines jammed and you guys are all wanting to cry. I'm not going to debate this. There's right, there's wrong. You break the rule, you go to jail."
Actually, Ankarlo, I think you are, um, "smokin'." And though I'm a toker from way back, I'm not gonna wrap my lips around what you're slobberin' on, bubba. Looks like you're having way too much fun to be interrupted.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Phoenix, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.